Guide: When educating children, many parents will tend to praise education, obviously, praise education looks more positive energy. But I have to say that praise education is not simply to praise children, if parents only praise children "you are awesome", the crisis of education will wait for the opportunity, a touch. Appropriate praise can make children get more encouragement, but inappropriate praise will become a burden and obstacle to children's growth.
Ms. Wang is very worried about her child's studies. Although her daughter has only entered the 3rd grade of primary school, she clearly feels her child's boredom with learning. Not long ago, my daughter actually "ganged up" with the same table to carry her school bag and skipped school. When she found her daughter in the playground, Ms. Wang couldn't believe how a child who had always been a well-behaved girl could become so "rebellious".
"When the child was young, she didn't love to learn much, but at that time, as soon as I praised her, she would become very well-behaved!" When mentioning her daughter's appearance when she was a child, Ms. Wang was very emotional. "Once, the child recited an ancient poem, and after reciting it dozens of times in a row, he was still stuck. I thought about scolding her, but then the words turned into praise. I said to my daughter, "Obedient, you are the smartest child under the heavens, and my mother believes that you can recite better!" ”
Ms. Wang then said, "I didn't expect that this sentence actually played a role quickly, and it was not too long after her daughter nodded in response, and she recited it happily!" After that, Ms. Wang mastered the "secret" of this kind of education, "Obedient, you are the smartest!" "Obediently, you will definitely be able to take the first place!"
But slowly, Ms. Wang found that this method did not seem to work, especially after the 3rd grade, the child not only had worse grades, but also did not take the learning attitude seriously. "I even found that the child did not want to listen to my praise anymore, and the more praise, the worse the child behaved!"
Recalling the excitement when she first discovered the educational secret of praise, Ms. Wang did not understand why her praise did not work, "Why do children become less fond of praise?" ”
01. The more parents praise their children, the worse their performance?
When a child's self-evaluation is not yet fully established, there is a long time when evaluation from parents plays a crucial role. So at this stage, parents will easily find that children are very useful for praise from parents, and praise at this time is often more likely to receive positive feedback.
But as children grow older, the problems and difficulties they face become more complex, and their self-evaluation will become more diverse and no longer entirely limited to their parents. At this time, parents simply emphasize talent, and praise without substance will become eclipsed. It can even be said that this can lead to feelings of guilt in children, for example, believing that their abilities are not worthy of their parents' praise and expectations.
When the praise of parents becomes a psychological burden on children, they will show emotional reactions of resistance and disgust accordingly, and in terms of behavior expression, they will not be able to perform well because they have been subjected to more unnecessary "interference". This is also more likely to appear that the more parents praise, the worse the child's performance.
02, the right praise can give children encouragement
Many parents will deliberately emphasize "results" or "talents" when praising, which can easily lead children to ignore the process of effort. If parents are more willing to praise the process of their children's efforts, children are more likely to form a growth mindset, compared to the fixed thinking that favors talent, the pattern and space for children with growth thinking are greater.
First: it should be as specific as possible
When parents put forward praise, they should describe it in as much detail as possible, which can not only make the child get more satisfaction, but also play a role in strengthening the details.
This allows the child to understand what really matters in the whole thing. For adolescents, praise, in addition to having the effect of psychological satisfaction, also helps them establish the value of correct three views.
Second: we must know how to stop at the right time
If parents over-praise and exaggerate their children for a long time, then this can easily lead to children overestimating their self-ability levels. This can easily lead to a child's conceit and lack of humility.
When the real challenge comes, it can also lead to being overwhelmed by overly high self-expectations. At this time, excessive praise lays the groundwork for self-denial.
In addition, in life, there are many parents who will choose the way of expectant praise, such as, "You are great, I hope you can take the first place next time!" ”
This kind of anticipatory praise is likely to make the child feel too much pressure, which not only prevents them from getting the emotional feedback they need, but also makes them more annoyed.
epilogue:
Praise should also pay attention to methods, help children build self-confidence when there is no critical thinking, and help them recognize themselves when critical thinking appears in them. Smart parents will not care about the form of praise, but they will pay attention to the connotation of praise.
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