Highlights of this article
In the era of drastic changes, what is the core competitiveness and happiness of children in the future?
1. Unexpected birthday party
Children's learning is a topic that parents can never jump on.
Last week, a mother in Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, prepared a cake full of textbooks for her son's 11th birthday party, and wrote at the bottom: "The earth is not destroyed for a day, you have to write homework", making the child collapse and cry.
It is understood that the cake was originally a Pikachu shape, but Ms. Zhang thought that the child was about to take the final exam, and played games every day, so she temporarily changed the decoration to a textbook, hoping to remind the child to review the exam well.
Celebrating birthdays and eating cakes is a happy thing for every child, who could have imagined that the annual birthday party would hurt the child. No matter who it is, it is estimated that they will have to cry.
What makes Chinese parents pay so much attention to academic performance?
Careful analysis, it is not difficult to find that behind the parents' fanatical pursuit of good results, there are two reasonings:
Good grades – good junior high school, high school, college – getting a good job – a good future
Poor grades – poor junior high school, high school, college (or even college entrance) – poor jobs (or unemployment) – no future
Therefore, in order not to let the child lose at the starting line and give their baby a relatively secure future, the parents chased after the child hard, three-year-old Xiwen, five-year-old martial arts, eager to eighteen martial arts full body, the child's carefree childhood into a competition smoke field.
2, the inner volume, children under high pressure, the heart has long been full of holes
But it is regrettable that when we are forcing our children to study, they are red in the face for his achievements, and when we think that sending our children to prestigious schools can sit back and relax, our children lack the strength to grow under the pressure of academics and spirits, just like the malnutrition of seedlings, and even have serious psychological problems.
Some time ago, the CCTV Documentary Channel broadcast the mainland's first series of documentaries on the comprehensive interpretation of depression, "How We Fight Depression".
In the documentary, the experience of the girl Zhong Hua is unforgettable. She comes from a typical Chinese family, and her parents look forward to their daughter Chengfeng and place great expectations on their daughters, especially her mother, who always demands that she achieve top grades.
Unfortunately, Zhong Hua's psychology gradually developed problems. Suffering from depression, her state became very bad.
Facing the camera, she recalls her situation at that time:
There are 8 classes a day at school, and I will lie on my desk for 8 classes.
When I got home, I lay in bed, sometimes I cried, sometimes I didn't cry, and then I lay down for 5 hours.
Taking a shower or washing my face and brushing my teeth, and then continuing insomnia at night, this state really consumes me.
At the height of her illness, her mind was a mess, and her only thought was to seek death.
Fortunately, in Zhong Hua's darkest moment, her parents' understanding, support, acceptance, and love saved her.
In fact, cases like Zhong Hua's are not uncommon. According to the "Report on the Development of China's National Mental Health (2019-2020)", the detection rate of depression among Chinese adolescents in 2020 was 24.6%, of which 17.2% were mild depression and 7.4% were severe depression.
The "Report on the Development of National Mental Health in China (2019-2020)" shows that depression and major depression also show an upward trend as students' grades rise.
In primary school, the detection rate of major depression ranged from 1.9% to 3.3%;
In the junior high school stage, it is 7.6% to 8.6%;
In high school, it is 10.9% to 12.5%.
In the past, it seems that depression is far away from us, but in recent years, under the inner volume and high pressure, our children's hearts have gradually become full of holes, not as optimistic and sunny as they appear on the surface, and lack sufficient psychological ability to cope with difficulties and challenges.
3, the score is not the only, each child has its own uniqueness
Parents, everyone wants to add a little security to their children's future.
But with the rapid development of the Internet, the world is always changing at a speed beyond our imagination, and the future development trajectory of all walks of life cannot be predicted by anyone.
Take the past 2021, at the end of the year, the news of layoffs in large factories is frequent, the education and training industry disappears in the long river of history due to double reduction, many teachers graduated from famous schools in Qingbei are forced to change careers or lose their jobs, the number of positions and salaries released by major Internet giants are reduced, and 985 school-graduated programmers are forced to become takeaway brothers...
Tong Monan, the fourth season of "Talk Show Conference", graduated from graduate school and was originally an English training teacher for studying abroad. As a result, because of the epidemic, no one went abroad, and now with the double reduction policy, training institutions have collapsed, and boys have lost their jobs.
What will happen in the future is unknown. But what is certain is that a child with a mature mind, a strong heart, a healthy mental state and a sound personality is more resistant to all external tribulations and setbacks than a child with poor rule awareness, anxiety, self-centeredness, no friends, no hobbies, and a taciturn personality.
Chen Qianlin, a well-known principal, said in "The Essence of Education" that the essence of education is to cultivate children's core literacy and sound personality.
Grades are just one link in education. When scores are king, it means that we only see the benefits of scores, and ignore the extremely important psychological qualities and core competitiveness in children's growth, and more importantly, do not let our children "win" after every competition, leaving only tired bodies and broken hearts.
Moreover, each child has his own unique talent and great potential for development and growth.
Some children are good at logical thinking;
Some children are good at image thinking;
Some children are interested in good food;
Some children are interested in flowers and plants;
Some children have good academic performance;
Some children are good at art, music...
As the guide of the child's growth path, in addition to the score, we parents should pay more attention to the child's mental health, in the child's 3-6 years old psychology, personality formation of the critical period, create some feelings, experiences, situations, through scientific and effective psychological education methods, cultivate the child's positive psychological quality and sound personality state, cultivate children who can adapt to the ever-changing environment in the future, rather than like carpenter-style parenting, to create children who meet certain standards.
The future is far away, and there are too many uncertainties on the road to parenting. What we must do is not only to pay attention to the child's present, but also to prepare for the child's future, and cultivate the child's sound personality and ability to adapt to the future, which is the king of increasing the core competitiveness and happiness of the child.