Author: Creative Group Shinoda
Recently, China's first series of documentaries on depression in an all-round way, "How We Fight Depression", premiered on the CCTV Documentary Channel.
Among them, the first episode of "Teenagers Know the Taste of Sorrow" focuses on our children. Teenagers, one of the most affected groups by depression, are once again in the spotlight.
In the film, the experience of high school girl Zhong Hua is particularly unforgettable. She comes from a typical Chinese family, lives a well-off life, and her parents hope that their son Jackie Chan will give great expectations to their daughters. Her mother, in particular, always demanded that she excel.
But unfortunately, Zhong Hua's psychology gradually developed problems. Because of the torment of depression, her state became very bad.
Facing the camera, she described her situation this way: "There were 8 classes a day at school, and I would lie on my desk for 8 classes. When I got home, I lay in bed, sometimes I cried, sometimes I didn't cry, and then I lay down for 5 hours. Take a bath or wash your face and brush your teeth, and then continue to lose sleep at night. This state really consumes me. ”
At the height of her illness, her mind was a mess, and her only thought was to seek death.
In order to save himself, Zhong Hua decided to ask his parents for help.
In fact, for her own choice, she has no bottom in her heart. Because she didn't know how her parents would react to it.
But fortunately, despite the shock in their hearts, the parents still accepted all this with the greatest patience and love. Her mother calmly asked her to take a break from school and use this time to recuperate.
And the original tense atmosphere at home has gradually relaxed. Her parents no longer forced her to do anything, and the relationship between family members became more harmonious.
The parents' actions inadvertently saved Zhong Hua's life. It wasn't until she recovered that she revealed that she had decided that if her parents, after learning that she had depression, blamed herself for being pretentious like other parents, she would jump out of the window.
But it is precisely their understanding and support that makes her choose to give up suicide and continue to live well in the darkest moments of her life. In fact, Zhong Hua's example is not unique.
Data from the "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)" show that "in 2020, the average depression detection rate of adolescents in China was 24.6%, of which the detection rate of mild depression was 17.2%, and the detection rate of severe depression was 4%. ”
This means that 1 in 5 children are plagued by depression and develop diseases if they are not careful.
It can be seen that the inner condition of our children is not as optimistic as everyone thinks. Adolescent mental health problems need to be paid great attention to by us!
Just recently, the Ministry of Education clearly stipulated: "The depression screening will be included in the content of student health examinations, the establishment of student mental health files, the assessment of students' mental health status, and the focus should be paid to students with abnormal assessment results." ”
In this regard, experts from the Chinese Academy of Educational Sciences pointed out that the causes of depression in children, except for a very small part due to genetics, most of them come from external factors in the home-school community.
Among them, family education is a very important inducement.
Many of the child's psychological problems are caused by their parents. In fact, a child like Zhong Hua is really lucky, because in the darkest moments of her life, her parents held up an inclusive sky for her.
However, there are still too many children around us who are not understood and cannot be talked about; their inner pain is getting bigger and bigger, and they eventually live themselves into an island.
Some time ago, a suicide note written by a 14-year-old girl was exposed. In the eyes of the calm words, it was a desperate despair that hurt the bones of the heart, and people's hearts were broken!
"It's not me you love, it's me who broke into the top ten of the class, I'm in the top twenty of the grade, I'm the one who got a perfect score."
Through the words of the girl's complaints, we can clearly see such a family - all along, the girl's parents have always taken the grades very seriously.
They were extremely strict with their daughter, and if she did not meet the standards of the perfect daughter in their minds, they would insult her with the dirtiest words, beat her with various belts and wires, and make her stand outside the house wearing only slippers to show outsiders.
In the long run, the girl finally went to the end of the road and issued the last cry of life in the suicide note: "Destroying a person is very simple, just ruin her childhood!" ”
French psychologist Susan Foward, in the book "The Family of Origin: How to Repair Their Own Character Defects", proposed a concept called "toxic parents", which refers to the persistence of negative behavior patterns of parents, always dominating the submodal life, so that the pain suffered by children continues to deepen as they grow.
There are too many times, why aren't we such lethal and toxic parents?
Always passing stress and anxiety on to the child consciously or unconsciously; always can't help but use vicious language to belittle the child, even violence; ignore the child's emotional state, over-expect and demand too much from them... These behaviors, like chemical toxins, spread to the whole body and mind of the child; their hearts, under our emotional damage, gradually become full of holes.
Not long ago, there was a girl in Yangpu District of Shanghai, because of excessive academic pressure, she took a large number of sleeping pills at home to try to take her life. When the police received a call from the girl's netizen to understand the situation, the child's parents did not believe it at all. They insisted that their daughter had long since gone to sleep, and even complained impatiently that the police were talking nonsense.
At the strong request of the police, the parents checked the amount of sleeping pills at home, and then panicked to find that their daughter had taken a lot. In the end, the girl was saved safely because of the timely treatment.
This is really a fortunate thing, because thanks to the rapid action of the police and netizens, the girl's life was saved.
But it's also a frightening thing. When this child behaved abnormally, the parents with big hearts were unaware of it, and almost caused tragedy! As a netizen commented: "Parents pay more attention to their children's mental health!"
As parents, we all want to have a mature and strong child. Because only a healthy mental state can resist all external tribulations and setbacks.
But reality often backfires. What will be your reaction when you find out that something is wrong with our children? Unbelievable and helpless? Refusal to accept and not to think so? Or do you try your best, but you still have a weak heart?
Education or Thessori once said, "Many of the imprints on the child's mind are inadvertently imprinted by adults." "In fact, the impact of parents' attitudes on children is indelible. It may be our inadvertent words, a look, that ultimately save the child, or push them into the abyss.
Some time ago, the "2021 China Family Education White Paper" was released, and more than 4,000 parents participated in the survey. The results show that 57.77% of parents believe that the biggest problem in current education is "the lack of effective methods, they are educating their children by feelings." ”
It can be seen that many times, the limitations of our adults' own education level are precisely the main factors hindering the development of children's mental health.
So as a parent, how to cultivate a strong heart in your child?
When you find that your child's mood is biased, how to deal with it correctly?
When a child's heart is "sick", how to effectively heal the wound?
When children are disoriented, how can we help them get out of the fog, regain happiness, and grow into a better version of themselves?
These are all questions worth pondering...
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