Be a person who loves to learn and is willing to grow with me
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Being a concubine is also a kind of fate
Text/Yan Lingyang
01
I know a female acquaintance from my hometown of Yunnan.
Since he was in his twenties, he has been a junior of a rich man, and now he is in his forties.
The man had made a lot of money by doing real estate business earlier, and later sent his wife and children abroad.
As for whether he and his wife divorced, we don't know, and we don't dare to ask.
I have only had a few intersections with the man for a short time, and he is quite okay with others, but this feeling of "okay" may come from the fact that although I am not as rich as him, I am equal to him in terms of identity and status.
After his wife and children went abroad, he and her were officially together, but the two never got married, let alone had children.
In the meantime, she also tried to leave him because he was more attentive, but then returned to him, on the one hand, the two have become accustomed to getting along, and on the other hand, she can't find a better one.
She has always claimed to be the general manager of his company, but in fact she has no financial power, she has not made any big money from the man, and she has not saved a house for more than ten years.
The man bought a luxury car in the name of the company (which can be deducted from taxes), and the man only used it occasionally, and most of the time she usually drove in front of the little sister.
The man would pay her a little money every month - not much higher than if she went out to find a similar job, but it was more free.
For example, when she doesn't want to work, she doesn't have to work, and she can take leave to go home to see her parents at any time. When he is in a good mood, he also buys her some gifts.
She helps him with some of the company's administrative affairs, helps him take care of his elderly parents, and arranges for nannies to do some household chores.
He paid her to learn all kinds of talents, and when he had a visitor, she used these talents to entertain everyone. The two often attend various events together, but everyone knows that they are not husband and wife.
She has never had a name, and it is impossible for the man to give her a name. She met him in her twenties and in his forties, and the two had been entangled together for almost twenty years, she was now forty, and he was more than fifty years old.
It was impossible for him to marry her, because marriage meant that it was difficult to divide the property. He got tired of getting along with her, so he went abroad to see the children - now his children also have children (the man is a grandfather), and he sometimes goes away for a month or two.
Some time ago, she told me that she wanted to go out and find a partner, and we asked us to introduce her to men. I said, "I'll keep an eye on you," but I knew that it would be too difficult for her to find the right man.
After being with a rich man for so many years, her appetite has been raised, and her mouth has also been raised.
Although none of the luxurious things she had seen really belonged to her, but the man had taken her through it, and it was difficult for her to accept a worse life. Therefore, she can't look down on men with poor economic conditions at all.
However, if the economic conditions are good, will they take a fancy to her? Nor will it.
Recently, she has become in a bad mood, as if the two of them have fallen out.
But I think the two will still be together after the awkwardness.
Not because of love, but because they don't have a better choice for each other.
Her fate was tied to this man.
After leaving him, she had nothing, let alone the conditions for establishing a household, and she was not used to living like that.
What about men? Now that she is old, she gradually can't play, and she is the one who still stays with him after he lingers in so many flowers.
Reading her story, I often feel that it is unrealistic to expect every woman to be self-reliant. There were concubines in ancient times, and there are actually concubines in modern times. And being a concubine is both a choice and a fate.
As long as the corners they dig are not my husband, then I don't have any sense of superiority in front of them. Cats and dogs have their own ways, and everyone just wants to live a little better.
But if a concubine shows material and moral superiority in front of a woman who lives a little poorer but does not depend on men, then I think she is more scheming.
02
Of course, there are also concubines who do a good job...... But overall, I don't think it's always a bright path.
If they are not concubines, they can also succeed, but success comes slowly, and there will be no legend in the rivers and lakes that they have been concubines.
After people succeed, they will want to pursue fame, but there are some things that have been done and will follow you for a lifetime.
There is a word in Cantonese called "just get the money back and get it" (just take the money back).
In a specific context, it refers to the attitude of the grandmother in the face of a cheating and capable husband: I don't care how you spend outside, but the bottom line is that you have to take the money home.
Then, the eldest mother-in-law and all kinds of second wives and juniors reached a delicate balance, and everyone seemed to be fine. Even if fate has holes, it is rotten in a hidden corner, and it is difficult for outsiders to know.
I know a family like this: the eldest mother realized very early on that her husband had a lot of fun, but she couldn't get a divorce, and she was reluctant to give up the wealth created by the man, so she adhered to the bottom line of "as long as he pays me back the money, I won't divorce".
The man also knows this, these years the junior has been constant, every time he goes on a business trip, he takes female employees out, and he doesn't even shy away from us outsiders, and the two of them only open one room when they open a room.
This model has been going on for about twenty years...... I also know this man. He heard my story and was puzzled by my choice.
He once asked me, "Smart women know the general situation, my wife is not so impulsive, why are you so impulsive?" ”
I've never wanted to offend people with my words, so I just replied, "I'm impulsive, I'm proud." I love life like it is. ”
My subtext is: Know whom? Know the general body of a man, not mine? Doing so is a choice that maximizes the benefits of cheating men.
His property does not need to be divided, it is given to his wife from the left hand to the right hand, and what the wife gets is just an illusion, and what she gets is the "joint property of the husband and wife". If she dies, you will be the one who inherits most of her fortune.
At the same time, he can also take the joint property of the husband and wife to raise a concubine outside, just like a pet.
In the process, only his interests were maximized. The eldest mother is just his safe, and the junior is just a caged bird he plays with.
You see, he also regarded my divorce as "impulsive" when I found out that my husband was cheating, which means: you will regret your impulsiveness.
Some men always fantasize about being able to hug left and right, and be fat and thin, just because he regards women as a "sexual resource".
If women can come to their senses sooner, they will instead only regard men as a tool or resource that they can use. Having three wives and four concubines is no longer nourishing but consuming for men.
The equality of men and women does not mean that they treat each other as tools, but that they can respect and treat each other as equal individuals as they are.
But, hey, summer insects can't talk about ice, forget it.
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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 80s, emotional columnist, author of new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those That Make You Miserable, One Day You Will Say It with a Smile", "May You Let Go of the Past and Be Worthy of the Future", "May You Have a Journey and a Way Out", "I'm Divorced", "With Your Rivers and Lakes Are Not Lonely - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in financial industry (management), he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan Province, he now lives in Guangzhou.
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