Shame punitive education is crushing the spiritual world of children

Nutrients

2024-05-13 11:45Posted in Beijing Parenting Creators

Recently, on Nanjing Metro Line 1, a male parent frequently slapped a 10-year-old boy. The boy begged for mercy and cried silently, but the parents did not hesitate to continue to slap him.

In the interval between the subway arrivals, the parents also forcibly dragged the child out of the carriage, waved his hand to the child outside the carriage, and said "bye bye". Luckily, the child ran back crying before the train closed.

Image source: Video screenshot

Coincidentally, a blogger recently posted a video saying that he saw a pair of parents spanking their children on the sidewalk of Huaihai Road, and the beating was a little girl, and the pants were forcibly taken off below the knee by the parents.

What's even more terrifying is that parents don't do such things out of anger. On the contrary, they behaved very calmly, with a smug and contemptuous expression on their faces, as if to say, "Look, if you don't obey, let everyone watch you get punished." ”

It is often said that parents should learn to manage their emotions and control their emotions, but ignore the wrong way to punish in a rational state, which will cause the most harm to their children.

In both cases, the parents used to humiliate their children in public as a means of punishment, and they were smug about it.

Why is there such a form of punishment? And how do these parents use shame to punish their children?

First of all, the easiest way to inspire shame is to create an atmosphere of being watched.

Image source: The movie "Young You"

For example, a mother asked her erring child to take off her clothes and wear only her underwear, and stood at the entrance of the building in her neighborhood. Passers-by all cast puzzled eyes, but the child's mother was indifferent to the side to "supervise".

Some netizens saw a girl kneeling at the door of a small supermarket, supporting her knees with both hands, and her head was so low that she was almost touching the ground. I don't know how much of a fault she has made to be humiliated and punished like this.

In the process of shame punishment, parents are both performers and spectators, setting up a stage and putting their children in the spotlight for onlookers, while also watching their children's reactions with curiosity.

Even if the child knows his mistakes and admits his mistakes, such parents will not let go of their children easily: "Now that you know that you are ashamed, why did you go earlier?" This time I'll make you remember it for a long time. ”

Even the youngest children have self-esteem, and they will quickly submit to the majesty of their parents and quickly admit their mistakes in order to end the humiliation quickly, or not to be put in such a situation repeatedly.

As a result, the child has become well-behaved on the surface, and the parents feel that they have achieved the desired effect without much effort, and they are simply self-taught education experts!

Image source: TV series "Little Shede"

Therefore, many parents like to punish their children with shame because it is simple and useful.

However, what the child remembers may not be that he was punished for any mistake, but that he felt ashamed of himself in front of the watchful eyes of others. This feeling will stay with children for the rest of their lives, and every time they look back on it, it will feel like a deep nightmare.

In this process, parents are precisely the creators of the child's shame, so when the child suffers because of shame, it will also turn this pain into disgust for the parents.

I once saw a chat record, the girl passed the college entrance examination, and happily and excitedly reported the good news to her father, but the father replied: "Do you still hate to fall in love in your sophomore year of high school, and I slapped you twice?" ”

After reading this sentence, the girl seemed to have returned to the time when she was slapped in front of her classmates, and her excitement suddenly dropped to the freezing point, and she even regretted that she should not share the good news with her father.

Since then, every time something happy happens in the girl's life, she doesn't want to tell her father.

That's why, while shame punishment is useful, its negative effects far outweigh the corrective effects.

Image source: TV series "Vacant Days"

Second, the most terrible thing about shame education is that it is "not right for people".

It tries to make children feel that they are not good enough, that they do not deserve it, that they make themselves and their parents embarrassed, so they will make mistakes, be punished, and be humiliated.

The core idea of normal punishment education is, "You just did one thing wrong, but you are still a good child, and your parents still love you." ”

The former planted the seeds of inferiority deep in the child's heart, while the latter gave the child the opportunity to correct his mistakes and be loved again.

In "Seeing the Child", there is a passage that says, "We must change the goal from correcting behavior to letting the child see that his heart is good, and that the child knows that he is lovely and valuable." This is the only way to help your child get rid of shame. ”

If a form of punishment makes the child feel ashamed, it means it's time for the parent to stop doing it.

Image source: TV series "Extreme 17: Feather You Walk"

After this kind of incident, there is always a very harsh type of comment: "When you have a child, you will do the same." ”

Some netizens are worried that others will not understand their hardships, and they also described in detail how the children are unwilling to write homework, how naughty and disobedient, and make trouble at home every night for studying.

So, can you be slapped and spanked in public if you don't do your homework? What kind of logic is this?

As for the matter of "not beating children in public", at least it can be regarded as the consensus of civilized society. Why do you have different opinions because you have a baby?

Theoretically, after having a baby, you should want to protect your child with love and take care of your child's self-esteem. However, many people applaud this behavior, and even substitute it for their own children, thinking that it would be good if their children were treated like this.

From this point, it can be seen that there are many parents who do not treat their children as human beings, and there are not a few people who are willing to watch and punish in public.

In the process of educating children, they do not put the interests and needs of the children first, but put their own goals first, punish for the sake of punishment, and do not consider the impact of shame punishment on the child.

Such parents do not care about their dignity and deprive their children of self-esteem.

Image source: Movie "Dog Thirteen"

Many people have heard a short story about education, about a student who stole the class fee, but the teacher did not expose him in public, but asked each student to hand in a blank piece of paper with what he wanted to give to the teacher the most.

Sure enough, the child who stole the money took the opportunity to hand over the class fee in full. The teacher also used clever methods to maintain the child's self-esteem and maintain the relationship between the child and his classmates.

Self-esteem is the cornerstone of a child's mental health and personal growth, and a child who is wrapped in shame will live in the shadows for the rest of his life.

It is only when children feel their own worth and dignity that a positive self-identity is formed.

Only when children believe that they are capable and valuable will they win the recognition and respect of others.

View original image 481K

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Personal opinion, for reference only