I don't know if everyone has this experience, children sometimes throw tantrums at you because of a small matter, and have a cold war with you.
It may be that you don't get a toy that you like, you may lose a game, it may be that the food is not appetizing, or it may even be a sentence.
Especially in public, the training of children is afraid of hurting his self-esteem, not threatening and afraid that he will become more intense and develop a more stubborn nature.
If you want your child not to lose his temper, you must first know the reason for your child's tantrum, and you must know why your child loses his temper in order to better prescribe the right medicine.
The cause of the child's tantrum
1
To satisfy their own desires
Children who cry have candy to eat.
When children find that crying and tantrums can get snacks they want to eat, and they want toys, they will often use this trick, even if they can't cry, they have to pull their throats and howl for a while.
Because they know that when they want something, as long as they lose their temper, their parents will agree.
In fact, when the child cries for the first time without giving something, it should be resolutely stopped, absolutely not soft-hearted, this is the process of a child wrestling with you, can not open this precedent, let the child form this bad habit.
2
To attract the attention of parents
Many urban families are dual-career families, usually parents are busy at work, and at the end of the day, there is very little time to accompany their children.
Sometimes even if you have time to accompany your child, you are absent-minded, you can't watch your child's cartoons, you don't understand the child's wild brain circuitry, and you unconsciously pick up your mobile phone...
It is not difficult to understand why the child sees the father smash the toy in his hand when he picks up the mobile phone, and it is not difficult to understand the deliberate movement of the child when he sees the mother focusing on the mobile phone...
The child's tantrum is nothing more than feeling that he has been snubbed by his parents, lacks a sense of security, and wants to attract the attention of his parents.
If you can, put down your phone and focus on playing with your child for a while.
3
Influenced by parents
An excellent child must have excellent parents, and behind a problem child must have a problem family.
If parents love to lose their temper, children will also learn to use tantrums to vent their bad emotions.
In some families, parents like to sing a red face and a white face, the mother trains the child, the father immediately comes out to stop, so that the child will feel that he has a "backer", more unscrupulous.
Therefore, when you see your own children, you also see yourself, and educating your children is actually educating yourself.
4
The desire to be understood by others
People are eager to be understood, some people are accustomed to speaking directly, and some people always express it with anger, although in different ways, but their final needs are the same.
Some children do not want to always be urged by their parents to tear up their homework books; they want to learn music but are ridiculed by their parents and lock themselves up for a few days; they see their parents randomly giving toys to others and are angry that they do not eat or drink...
What we parents see is that the child does not understand our kindness, and the child is making unreasonable trouble; in the child's view, the parents simply cannot see their emotional needs, do not understand what they want and what they care about.
Talk to your child more about your heart and get to know your child.
5
To avoid responsibility
Many parents say that their children will throw tantrums at them for no reason, but part of the reason is because their children are trying to avoid responsibility.
Children who do the wrong thing and are afraid of being scolded by their parents will divert their parents' attention by throwing tantrums and crying.
Some children accidentally fell one when washing dishes, and before they could wait for their parents to speak, they first started their temper, and some children accidentally injured their classmates, went home and preemptively attacked, and launched a temper tantrum against their parents...
In different situations, we parents are best treated differently, if the child is unintentionally making a mistake, don't blame him;
If it is deliberate, it should be criticized, so that the child realizes that crying does not solve the problem, let alone evade responsibility.
Smart parents happen to lose their temper with their children
WINTER
1 Calm down and be patient with your child
He can't listen to the reasoning you tell him when you are not calm, and the angry parents will make the child even more angry.
You're dealing with a child—your own child," not a big monster that's coming to grab you. You can vent your anger, but don't target your own children.
Talking to the child gently and gently is good for him to be quiet.
The child's bad temper is usually short-lived, and when the child calms down, he will analyze right and wrong with him.
2 Guide your child to say why
After the child calms down, parents should pay more attention to the thoughts behind the child. Talk to him about it, instead of crying and making trouble and letting it pass.
Tell your child why you rejected his request. There are things to say well, what you want to say calmly, there are special requirements to discuss with your parents, parents have no way to know how you feel.
In this way, let the child understand: all your emotions, parents understand, but improper behavior must be regulated, excessive emotional expression is not advisable, teach children to vent their emotions in a more reasonable way.
3 Make rules for your child
Children's tantrums not only depressed themselves, but also affect other people around them. Therefore, parents should also appropriately "make rules" for their children.
Telling children to lose their temper and crying does not have any effect and effect, but speaking well, negotiating reasonably, and telling their thoughts and reasons can get more responses and help.
It is not that children are not allowed to have emotions, but that they must learn to control their emotions.
Ten years of trees, a hundred years of tree people. Education is never an overnight affair.
4 Parents should lead by example
Behind the excellent children, there are emotionally stable parents.
A child with a mature mind and a sound personality is inseparable from the rational and peaceful educational attitude of his parents.
Hu Shi once wrote in "My Mother": "I left her at the age of fourteen, and for more than twenty years I wandered in this vast sea of people, and no one ever disciplined me. If I can learn the slightest bit of good temper, if I can learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive people and be considerate of people - I have to thank my mother. ”
Education, sometimes does not need parents to be "excellent", peace of mind, emotional stability, is the best starting line for children.