Recently, several "letters of renunciation" from elementary school students have caught fire
"If I get married, don't come, and I won't attend your funeral!"
"Let's break off our friendship!" What love and hope, pull it down! ”
"xxx and xxx are not friends here!"
These contents not only make netizens sigh: the friendship of children is also made of "plastic", and the boat of friendship is turned over!
Some netizens said: The content is too cute, and some of them are also pressed with handprints, which is really angry and funny!
More netizens said: Don't let your parents see it, otherwise they will intervene, and this friendship will not be saved!
Then the child has a "conflict" with his classmates at school,
As a parent, would you meddle in?
What would you do as a parent of your child?
In real life, when individual families deal with the contradictions between children and other children, adults will have extreme behavior.
In October 2020, the fathers of two elementary school students, because of the small friction between the two children at school, "let loose and fight" in the parent group, and the result was that the two sides beat each other and bled.
Embarrassingly, according to the class teacher, the two boys had been reconciled before the parents clashed. When the two fathers fight, their children play hand in hand!
In September 2018, a vicious murder occurred in Ruian City, Wenzhou: Lin Mou entered the school with a knife because his daughter had a verbal altercation with her classmates at school and suffered eye injuries, and hacked the boy who had a verbal altercation with his daughter alive in the toilet.
From the official information we learned that Lin's daughter had a slight eye injury and did not affect school. According to people familiar with the matter, this conflict is only a conflict between children, and before that, the parents of the two sides have communicated and reached an agreement on the handling of disputes.
In fact, loving the child is the instinctive reaction of every parent, but this way of resolving the contradictions between children with hard-hitting seems to be a breath, but what is the meaning?
Excessive parental involvement actually does more harm than good
There is a saying that "children do not remember revenge when they fight", perhaps precisely because they are not as real as adults. For them, there is no concept of loss or loss, and the so-called loss and not suffering loss are the ideas of parents.
So the child has just played, the tears have dried up, and they are playing intimately together. As long as the safety of the child can be guaranteed, there is no need to take the problem between the children too seriously.
If no bumps are allowed to happen, then you can only sacrifice the child's activity space and exploration opportunities, which is definitely more harmful than beneficial to the child's growth.
Parents are overly involved in conflicts between children
Will lead to ??
1
Children are getting timid
The contradiction itself is not terrible, and the parents' excessive attitude is terrible.
Parents may notice that many times after the conflict, the child is less injured, some have no feelings, and some cry for a while and continue to play. The child himself has some tolerance for bumps and pain.
However, if the parent overreacts, gets emotional, or scolds others loudly, it will make the child feel that this is a particularly serious matter. In order to prevent this kind of thing from happening, children will become more and more timid, afraid to take risks, dare not explore, and dare not play games with their friends. This is very harmful to children's social skills and personality development.
2
Children learn to shirk their responsibilities
If there is a bump, the parents will complain about the teacher and reprimand the classmates in front of the child, and the child will feel that his bump and injury is completely someone else's fault and has nothing to do with himself. In this way of handling, it is easy for children to learn to pass on the responsibility to others.
3
Children are becoming increasingly unsociable
In order to keep their children absolutely safe, parents often prevent their children from participating in so-called "dangerous" activities among their peers. However, social interaction between children is carried out by running and jumping, limiting these activities of children, children can only get farther and farther away from their peers, and social skills cannot be cultivated.
When a contradiction occurs
How should parents handle it
Regarding their children's social problems, parents should remember that the general principle of helping children cope with social problems is that parents should be a safe base for their children.
？？ Judge whether this is a "normal conflict" between children or bullying
Children's fights are a lot of games, and they will occasionally pull their companions' pigtails and pat their shoulders, but because they do not control the degree of these movements, sometimes it will cause some injury.
Usually, parents can remind their children not to overdo it when playing, and not to hit the more vulnerable parts of the other party's body, such as eyes. But if the child's play does not cause a safety accident, there is no need for parents to take the fight between children too seriously.
？？ Don't step in to warn or punish
Children's things, adults do not blindly mix. When children argue with each other, they handle problems on their own, and they also exercise the process of handling interpersonal relationships. Parents may hear one side of their children's words, not too familiar with the ins and outs of things, if directly intervened, it will make things more troublesome and complicated.
？？ Guide your child to find a way to solve the problem
When the child does not know how to deal with the conflict with the small partner, when seeking help from the parents, the parents should guide the child to find a way to solve the problem, and determine the final solution should follow the following principles:
？ If the matter is more serious, you should discuss the solution with the teacher and the other parent.
？ If the responsibility lies with yourself, you should take the initiative to apologize to the other party.
？ If the responsibility is on the other party, it should be clearly told that this is a wrong behavior to prevent the child from imitating.
？ If it is a matter of principle, guide the child to learn to fight for his rights and interests in an appropriate way.
？？ Communicate skillfully with each other's parents and encourage children to interact normally
When there is a "conflict" between children, it is best for both parents to talk sincerely and solve the problem in a friendly manner. Children are the keenest observers, and every word and deed of their parents is seen in the eyes of the child and left a deep impression on their young hearts.
Parents should not restrict children from interacting with their peers because of the frequent quarrels and disputes between children, but should create conditions to encourage children to interact with others, so that children can gain experience in conflicts and disputes, and increase the experience of interacting with people.
Contradictions if escalated
What parents should do
Although parents are not encouraged to intervene in most cases, it does not mean that parents should sit idly by in all things. In some cases, the contradictions between children need parents to understand, participate, and help children coordinate to resolve. For example, when a child is in danger, or a conflict with a classmate is not resolved for a long time, parents need help.
If you need to intervene, remember to relax and hold an attitude of assistance, rather than taking the initiative to replace the deputy. During the intervention, parents should pay attention to:
After the child expresses his emotions, accept it, do not immediately criticize right and wrong, do not rush to impose his own ideas on the child, and give the child enough security. After your child's mood has eased, discuss with him/her how to deal with it, or what to do next time you encounter the same thing.
Every child has the wisdom to survive, and when they encounter problems, they will actively think of ways, and if we intervene eagerly, it will deprive the child of the opportunity to grow.
Do not break the rules of the child's getting along, do not face the contradictions between the children, give the child the space for self-processing, guide the child at the appropriate time, and be his/her safe base, this is what parents should do.
Your child is at school and with classmates
Have there been any conflicts?
In the face of this situation, as a parent, you
How is it handled?
Welcome to leave a message to share your views!
Source: CCTV