Liu Jie company executives, intellectual elegance, career success, but the child's academic performance is not good. The son is obedient in the fifth grade, but the grades are often counted down, the husband is busy with work and has no time to manage, the child has been in various tutoring classes, the results have not improved, and every exam is always counted down, so Liu Jie decided to resign to tutor the child.
Liu Jie thought that a company can be managed well, managing a child is not a small meaning, but it backfired, the child under her management not only did not improve the performance, but also declined, parent-child relationship from intimate to tense. Liu Jie from the rational and elegant company executives, to the entire community can hear her roaring "roaring mother", in the middle of which there is only one tutoring children to learn.
Unexpectedly, managing a child is more difficult than managing a company, Liu Jie looked around for experience, and parenting books also read a lot, but it still had little effect.
Why is that?
Parents usually have the following four manifestations when managing their children's learning, which especially affect their children's learning.
First, like to urge.
Parents often remind their children to seize the time to do homework, but often the reminder will not be very effective, so the reminder becomes a constant urging, and the urging finally becomes a command, but the urging order is fast? For the most part, it has become more abrasive and rebellious.
Second, like to interfere.
When reminders and urging are ineffective, parents will interfere. For example, if the child's writing does not meet the requirements, the mother will ask him to erase the rewrite; the child must do the language first, and the mother says that it is not OK, and must first do mathematics, otherwise it will be too late. Commanding tone, the child is not only unwilling to listen, but also more unconvinced.
Third, like substitution.
Seeing that the child cannot meet his own requirements, or thinking that the child is moving too slowly, he simply begins to replace. For example, when the child does homework, the parent sits on the side, a little bit will not immediately teach him how to do, where he does not understand it repeatedly to the child, the name is to help the child learn. Constantly speaking, children are not willing to use their brains as soon as they have no, but are more dependent.
Fourth, emotional.
Children's grades are not satisfactory, and mothers often instinctively vent negative emotions on their children. The child's speed of writing homework is slow, and he constantly nags and even pleads: "You write quickly, why don't you write homework, how many times do you want me to say it!" Sometimes he said in a mocking tone: "Look at your usual arrogant appearance, why do you have such poor test scores!" ”
Parents' emotional way of dealing with it not only does not help the child's learning progress, but also makes the child's mood irritable, making the child more rebellious and even hating learning.
First, make a learning plan with the child, allocate the time reasonably, and moderately let the child implement it.
Parents urge their children's learning homework, all because children do not have the habit of writing at a fixed time, and they forget what they should do when they put their school bags away after school every day. Parents keep urging, but children are even more impatient.
You can make a learning plan with your child, subdivide the learning program, what to do each day, and mark what is necessary to complete, which time period to do what, which time period to go to free activities and have fun, there are time regulations, and the time is concrete.
But this plan has to be done with the child, let the child participate, what time period of free activity for the child to decide, and the time needs to be flexible, too full is difficult to implement. Allowing children to participate can make children feel that this is their responsibility and are more willing to implement it.
After making a good plan, there must also be a child's commitment letter, a set of equipment, every time as long as the child is not willing to do it, let the child read the commitment letter. Time flexibility can be reserved for special time, if the child has difficulties after a period of persistence, then it can also be moderately adjusted.
The whole plan requires children to participate together, to make suggestions, if the whole process is decided by parents, then the child will have a great resistance psychology, and let the child participate is to let the child see their own importance, in the heart also made a self-commitment, more conducive to implementation, but also more smoothly completed.
Second, do not stare at the results, first cultivate children's learning habits.
The Analects say: If a worker desires to do good, he must first use it. That is to say, if a craftsman wants to do a good job in carpentry, he must sharpen his tools. Learning is the same, if children want to learn well, they need to have good learning habits.
Parents are accustomed to staring at the results, as soon as the grades fluctuate, they are nervous and anxious, constantly interfering with their children, afraid that their children will fall to the bottom if they are not careful. However, this ignores the most fundamental problem, the formation of learning habits.
The primary school stage is the best time to cultivate learning habits, and when the habits are cultivated, the latter will save a lot of trouble. In particular, the habits of the first time of enrollment are particularly important, and are directly linked to the academic performance behind, and the latecomers are often children with good learning habits.
Grades 1 to 3 mainly cultivate children's writing habits, sitting posture, homework writing as soon as they return home, and reading habits.
Grades 3 to 6 are mainly the cultivation of independent learning ability, reading comprehension ability, and expression ability, because in the senior grades, there will be composition to write, and expression ability is particularly important.
In the child or primary school stage to cultivate good learning habits, reading habits, go to junior high school can save a lot of effort, and can have more energy to cope with more subjects. The primary school stage is a period with fewer subjects and the simplest knowledge, which is the most suitable time for the formation of habits.
Third, control emotions and cultivate children's ability to be independent and autonomous.
Parenting books have talk about controlling emotions, but every time they face their children's problems, they still can't roar and can't help but be angry, not that we don't understand, but that our parents are too anxious.
Breathing methods seen in such a shared book can effectively control emotions.
Andrew Weil, MD, an expert in the field of Holistic Health, developed a breathing method that he calls the 4-7-8 breathing method. This method is described below.
● Exhale completely with your mouth and make a hissing sound;
● Close your mouth, gently inhale with your nose, and silently count to 4;
Hold your breath and count silently to 7;
Exhale completely with your mouth, make a hissing sound, and silently count to 8.
This is a breathing process. Now inhale again and repeat the above breathing method cycle three times for a total of four breathing processes.
Control your emotions, leave some space for the baby to toss herself, and let the baby develop the ability to learn independently.
Fourth, the learning task to the child's responsibility, let the child be responsible for their own learning.
Every urging of parents is reminding children that this is learning for parents, learning is in a hurry, then children are easy to classify learning as a matter for parents. In fact, this is the end of the game, want to let the child learn independently, then return the learning to the child, let the child be responsible.
Parents can remind the child, but do not make decisions for the child, let the child worry about his own things, for example, the child's homework is not written well, has been playing, then the parents can remind several times, if the child still does not write, then do not care about him. The next day when you go to school, the homework is not completed, and you are criticized by the teacher, then the child will naturally remember.
Sometimes moderate natural punishment is conducive to children to change bad habits, after all, everything can be deeper to experience the impression.
What are your thoughts on the fact that your child is learning? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.