Parents are just like food
It's all time-limited
Zhou Xun and Huang Lei co-starred in the hit drama "Xiao MinJia" recently ended, and the strange middle-aged lost marriage shura field composed of six protagonists experienced marriage, divorce, bankruptcy, cancer, and finally completed, contributing a warm drama to the audience.
However, compared with the love triangle and Korean dog blood, the warm mother who most impressed "Xiao Min's Family" was the process of Xiao Min and her son gradually breaking the ice.
Xiao Min's son Jia Jun, when he was young, his parents divorced, and then his mother ran away from Beijing, he and Xiao Min, who were brought up by his grandmother, did not see each other many times a year, until he came to Beijing for the college entrance examination at the age of 19, and then lived under the same roof with his mother.
Introverted and melancholy, Jia Jun always has an inexplicable sense of alienation from Xiao Min, and he carefully hides his discomfort, but still explodes when he is angry.
In the TV series, Xiao Min continued to work hard and finally broke the ice with her son, but in reality, there are not a few half-mature mothers and children like Jia Jun and Xiao Min who are deadlocked.
Some time ago, my old friend Li Li and I complained that my daughter did not know when to start, and suddenly did not kiss herself.
"As soon as she got home, she locked the door and shut herself in the house, and she didn't want to tell her mother about school matters, and once, her mother wanted to hug her, but she also stubbornly avoided her..."
Li Li is very sad, obviously her daughter had a good relationship with herself when she was a child, like a small fart worm following behind her all day long, how did it suddenly become like this, is it true that children will be estranged from their parents when they grow up?
In fact, the problem does not come overnight, the child and you are not kissing the three signals, you know?
You punish harshly
Obliterate the child's courage to communicate
Some time ago, there was a news: Mr. Lin of Shenzhen has repeatedly pneumonia for many years, the reason is that he swallowed a whistle when he was 6 years old, and he did not dare to tell his parents for fear of being scolded, and this concealment was concealed for 20 years.
We all seem to have had such a dilemma when we were young, we lost our stationery, were wronged by teachers, and were bullied by our classmates, and always dared not talk to our parents, even if we plucked up the courage to open our mouths, in exchange for a scolding. Over time, I became reluctant to talk to my parents.
If your child can solve the problem with you at the first time, it means that he trusts you very much; on the contrary, when your child is wronged and encounters difficulties and is unwilling to talk to you, it means that he no longer regards you as the closest and most trusted person, then you should reflect on whether your relationship is wrong.
Refusal to caress at the same time
Also rejected your affection
There is a famous "rhesus monkey experiment" in psychology: psychologist Harry Harlow's team made two "surrogate mothers" for the selection of 8 rhesus monkeys who left their mothers at birth - a flannel mother and a wire mother.
They all have a bottle on their chest and a light bulb that provides heat, the difference is that the "flannel mother" is wrapped in sponge and flannel all over her body, while the wire mother is surrounded by only hard wire.
They randomly divided the monkeys into two groups and put them into different rooms. There are two surrogates in each room, but one set of bottles is placed on the flannel mom and one set is placed on the wire mom. As a result, regardless of which mother monkey feeds, all the young monkeys have an extreme preference for flannel mother monkeys.
The experimenters then intensified their experiments, putting the cages of the young monkeys into a variety of moving horror toys. As a result, when fear came, no matter which surrogate-feeding little monkey, without exception, ran to the flannel mother monkey for comfort.
For rhesus monkeys, which are 94% genetically homologous to humans, leaving their mother's arms is more difficult to accept than hungry stomachs. In the end, Harlow concluded that there are three variables in love: touch, movement, and play.
Caressing can bring children a sense of security and happiness, if young children often refuse physical contact within your normal range, it means that the child: self-awareness is too strong \ there is a sense of fear of parents \ lack of parental companionship, children lack of trust. All three of these points can lead to children not being close to their parents.
It is worth mentioning that this experiment also overturned the parenting theory of another psychologist in the United States, John Watson, whose core theory lies in ignoring the child's family needs and coldly training the child.
In short, Watson thought that the child fell down without comfort, and the more he cried, the more he ignored it. Not to mention the practical effect of parents who believe in Watson theory, Watson's own three children have not been able to grow up healthily.
His eldest son committed suicide in his thirties, his daughter suffered from severe mental illness and committed suicide several times as an adult, and the younger son ran away from home and wandered for many years.
It can be seen that the establishment of intimate relationships with parents during the growth of children is very important. If the parents fail to establish a good emotional foundation with the child at an early age, and have no intention of making up for it, it will have an extremely bad impact on the child's life.
Food can be bought after it expires
A child's childhood is only once
Some time ago, actor Du Chun sent a weibo to shaiwa, he said that he was away from home for more than 40 days, his daughter did not know herself at all, did not let her hug, looked at him for 5 seconds and began to cry, just got used to a few days, and he wanted to leave again.
In fact, this is true of every middle-aged person, and it is often difficult to have both work and family. But know that parents, like food, have deadlines. And food can be bought again when it expires, but the child's childhood is like running water, and there is no turning back.
When the child is used to the lack of parents at an early age and is not used to your company, it is difficult to make up for the relationship between you. Therefore, for the education of children, it is not to be underestimated and urgent!
The writer Long Yingtai once said: "How many parents and children are in the same room but have nothing to talk about, they love each other deeply but do not know each other, they yearn for contact but cannot find a bridge, and they are eager to express but have no language." ”
No mother can accept that the child born of the october bone opening ten fingers is not willing to be close to her, not to mention the emotional lack of childhood will affect the child's life, but many parents do
I don't understand why children don't get close to themselves
Don't know how to spend time with your child
Inability to communicate effectively with your child
I don't know how to be a good mother and I'm anxious
To this end, the warm maple teaching and research team has studied thousands of cases, introduced advanced educational concepts from Europe and the United States, and carefully created a parent class of "Why My Children Are Not Close to Me" to help you solve problems. Follow us for more scientific parenting methods.
Good children are raised, and good parents are learned. Raising children, learning methods is very important, do not delay the child's life because you are lazy for a while.