The article is a bit long, but it must be worth a look, it is about your three generations of life!
There are children to take a serious look, and those without children should take a serious look.
"No fight, no material",
In today's society, there are many people who pursue such an educational policy.
Especially some impatient and temperamental parents with poor emotional intelligence and low emotional intelligence,
Because they can't come up with other educational methods other than scolding,
Of course, that's how they were raised.
If you still regard the educational policy of "no fight and no success" as the truth,
Let's take a look at the results of such a psychological experiment of "stick education",
This is bound to surprise you.
01
There is a famous psychologist in the United States,
is the founder of "behaviorism",
Second only to Freud's psychological figure,
His name was John Watson.
According to his series of theories,
He wrote the book Psychological Care for Infants and Children
And claims:
Give me a dozen sound babies and bring them into my unique world, in which I can guarantee that one will be randomly chosen and trained to be any type of person I choose – a doctor, a lawyer, an artist, a giant merchant, or a beggar or a thief, regardless of his talents, inclinations, abilities, ancestral occupations and races.
As a behaviorist, he argues that:
Children should be trained, shaped, and corrected like machines, and they can be punished to forbid them from doing bad things, thus making them the elite of society.
The accomplished psychologist did a controversial psychological experiment, the Little Albert Experiment.
Anyone who has studied psychology should have heard of it.
In 1920, Watson found his subject, a baby who was only nine months old.
Can't walk but can only crawl, innocent, very cute,
Watson felt that he was "calm and passive" and very suitable for experimentation.
This baby is little Albert.
His mother was a wet nurse and had no culture.
She didn't know what effect Watson's experiments would have on her children.
All she knew was that she would be paid a dollar a day for doing so.
At the beginning of the experiment, Watson continued to give gifts to little Albert,
Cute furry rats, rabbits, monkeys,
Little Albert was overjoyed, excitedly petting the little animals and playing with them.
These are, of course, Watson's emotional test experiments, which first make the child like something and establish a fixed feeling for it.
And so it went for two months.
Watson still brought these animals to little Albert,
Little Albert was overjoyed when he saw these animals, and couldn't help but reach out and touch them.
At this time, Watson suddenly struck a large iron rod 1.2m long behind him.
The loud noise frightened little Albert into convulsions,
Watson didn't stop tapping,
Until little Albert was so frightened that he fell to the ground and cried.
After that, as soon as little Albert wants to touch these furry cute animals,
Watson kept tapping the iron rod to scare him into tears.
It's only been a week.
Watson didn't need to strike the iron rod anymore.
Just put the furry toy in front of Albert's eyes,
He would cry out in fright and turn around to try to escape from these "terrible" animals.
Watson also brought all kinds of plush toys and live animals to scare little Albert with the same experimental method.
After a long period of experimentation,
Little Albert began to be afraid of all the furry stuff,
Seeing fur coats and hair makes you cry with fear.
Even when you see Santa Claus, you will cry out in fear,
Young enough to walk, he wanted to struggle to escape.
Watson from this cruel experiment,
One conclusion was drawn:
Human fear can be created.
It also confirms his psychological philosophy:
All human actions can be manufactured.
And the way to make it is to inflict "pain."
Because he is very good at creating the behavior of others,
So he went into advertising with his work.
Become a successful businessman,
Earn a lot of money.
so
What about little Albert, who was created by his "fear" to fear furry objects?
Originally, Watson promised to give little Albert "desensitization treatment",
However, he has not achieved it,
Because, until the day of his death, he did not find a cure for his fear.
So, little Albert died when he was 6 years old.
Because of the long psychological shadow torture!
Of course, Watson was very convinced of his theory of the creation of these "malignant" behaviors.
Naturally, the same is true of the education of his own children.
So, can his children become the social elite as he wishes?
It turns out that being his child is a tragedy,
The child accidentally broke a bowl, and he thought that just by insulting him, he would make the child never drop the plate again.
The child does anything wrong, he thinks that as long as he beats him, he will be able to make the child stop making mistakes.
Under his intense repression and lack of emotion,
One of his sons suffered from severe depression and committed suicide in his thirties.
The other son wandered around idle, getting by asking for food,
The daughter smoked and drank heavily and tried to commit suicide several times.
This tragedy also continued into the third generation,
His granddaughter was also heavily alcoholic and wanted to end her life many times.
02
In Zhihu saw a topic about "killing",
There are multiple people pointing to their own families,
I've seen breaking news on the news,
There was a little boy who committed suicide and wrote a suicide note,
Roughly speaking, Dad always beat me and scolded me,
The little things are going to be criticized,
Dad, I hate you,
You killed me,
I'm dead, and you can be happy now.
03
There are many parents like Watson who are accustomed to the "stick education" method,
Because this way of education is simple and effective for them.
Some babies who have just been born,
It is often seen being treated in this way:
When the baby cries,
Let him cry, ignore him, and ignore him when he is no longer crying.
They think it's a way to exercise kids not to be squeamish.
He cries and hugs the child is a coddling behavior, which will make the child dependent.
The starting point is good,
But it also depends on the reality.
What else would such a young child do but depend on him?
Is such a young child learning to be independent from dependence?
This behavior may directly lead to the child's lifelong "insecurity" psychology,
Do not dare to pay, afraid to pay, full of doubts about the world,
The result of such a psychological state for life is: no love, no love, no happiness! Will also lose a lot of chances of success!
Parents will say:
"The child is too naughty, what if I don't fight?"
"If you don't fight or scold, will he remember sex?"
And in fact,
The more the child is scolded and beaten, the more mischievous and rebellious he becomes,
Sometimes the parents "suppress" it badly,
Children will appear superficially "well-behaved and obedient",
In fact, he suppressed sadness, and his heart was full of dissatisfaction and resentment,
Either live negatively or find a way to leave.
Children who are often punished,
It can also lead to a decrease in intelligence,
Behavior habits will also be greatly adversely affected,
produces extreme personalities,
Obstinate or extremely unconsceived, wavering in the face of events,
Grumpy or cowardly,
Do things impulsively or cower,
Low self-esteem or selfishness, etc.
04
Having a positive, well-behaved and talented child is the wish of every parent,
The reality, however, is how many children are like this,
Recently, I saw a video circulating in the group,
A healthy teenager commits suicide and hangs himself from a tree,
His father's cries were sad,
Although I don't know why he committed suicide,
I think his father regretted it all but sadness.
There is news that a teenager jumped off a building because his mother snatched his mobile phone.
There are also elementary school students who punch and kick their mothers because they snatched his mobile phone.
Many parents look at their "disobedient" children very helplessly: "I have beaten and scolded and scolded, that is, it is unchanged!" ”
Some netizens will coldly say after seeing news similar to the "bad" of children: "This kind of child staying in society is a scourge, it is better to die!" ”
Children who are not well educated, or who learn from the way their parents are used to beating and cursing others, are unpopular or even excluded from society.
There is a kind of school dedicated to the treatment of such "bad" children whose parents cannot discipline.
The usual way these schools are to control their behavior, to fight violence with violence, to educate harshly,
That is, Watson's "use of punishment to create human behavior",
Change their vices by severely punishing (parents can't bear to do it),
Of course, the effect is certainly visible,
But psychological shadows are also visible.
There is a school that uses electric shock to "cure" children, and if you don't obey, you will be electrified
There are children who are sent to such schools, expressing "hatred for parents",
There have also been reports that children who have been sent to such schools have obviously improved their behavior.
He wrote to his parents saying that he "loves his parents and will change it well", but he jumped off the building.
The reason is not much to say,
Having said so much, everyone knows in their hearts what is going on.
Articles about education,
There are a lot of high-quality articles on the Internet,
The writing is very pertinent and humane,
Parents wait until the child has a problem or uncontrollable helpless time and then regret what is probably too late,
Like Watson's experiments, he never found a cure for little Albert's "fear of stuffiness" in his lifetime.
Once a person's behavior is fixed, it is difficult to change,
Therefore, every parent should read more parenting articles before the birth of their children.
Good education should start small,
To the child, "do not fight or scold, be patient, careful, loving, and lead by example!" ”
The pictures in this article are from the internet