Wen | Irene's Mommy Diary
The same is true of the skin of the body, the parents, and the appearance.
No one can choose what they look like, at least until the age of 20.
As parents, of course, we want our children to be born beautiful, but how can everything be as we wish.
Even some celebrity children who are star-studded will inevitably be criticized because of their appearance, not to mention our ordinary people.
The mother of a little girl in the community has recently been troubled by the problem of the child's appearance.
The little girl went to the fifth grade of primary school this year, with excellent grades, but in the recent half semester, the child not only did not perform well in school, but also always appeared irritable, depressed, and tantrum from time to time, just a few days ago, the little girl came home from school and finally couldn't help but cry to her: There are classmates in the class who laugh at me for looking ugly.
In her opinion, her children are not very beautiful, but they are not ugly, and they can only be said to be plain.
Unexpectedly, I was ridiculed by my classmates for being ugly.
Looking at the child's very hurt appearance, this mother is very distressed.
After comforting the child, she solemnly told her daughter: Don't pay attention to childish people, you go to school to learn knowledge, not to participate in the beauty pageant, you are you, the unique you in the world, in the hearts of your parents, you will always be the best and most beautiful child.
Under the guidance of her mother, the girl's mood improved a lot.
She thought that this matter had turned over like this, but in the following days, she found that the child was still sullen from time to time, and she could only keep comforting the child, but these efforts had little effect, so she was also quite annoyed.
When a child is ridiculed by others for being ugly, many parents may have the same first reaction as the mother, telling the child not to pay attention to those, you are going to learn, and praise the child.
It cannot be said that this method is wrong, but it can only be said that the effect of this treatment method is very limited.
The reason is that the child's heart is not as strong as we think.
They themselves are in the process of self-cognitive development, and the evaluation of others is a way for them to recognize themselves, so they are easily influenced by other people's language.
So, when children encounter others laughing at their looks, what can parents do to better help their children find self-confidence and find direction?
I once discussed this with my cousin, who was a teacher, and the approach she gave from the teacher's point of view was this.
She said: Children are ridiculed for being ugly, we must not directly tell children to ignore, this is an escape idea; do not rush to let children fight back.
First, we want to identify two things:
Determine your child's true situation
If the child is ridiculed by his classmates at school, we can first determine according to the events told by the child, whether other students are joking and inadvertently talking, or some classmates are making fun of other people's appearance in the school bullying, and also in time to get in touch with the teacher to further understand the child's real situation at school.
Determining this step is crucial, on the one hand, it can let us know what to do next, on the other hand, with the assistance of the teacher, we can better eliminate the adverse effects of this kind of thing on the child.
There was once a child who was bullied by the school because of his appearance problems, and the parents felt that it might be a joke between the children, or a joke, so they did not pay much attention to it, and blindly advised the child not to pay attention to it and study well.
In the end, the child fell into depression because of the long-term ridicule and bullying.
Determine the extent of psychological harm to your child
There is a saying: You are not me, you will never feel my pain.
We are not children, and we cannot think about our children's feelings in our minds.
After all, after years of baptism and social experience, we are more mature than our children in all aspects of our minds, and we can regulate our emotions faster.
Therefore, you must not tell your child in your understated language: what you need is self-confidence.
Empty language is difficult to arouse the child's self-confidence, but it will make the child feel that you care and understand her.
What we have to do is to listen carefully to the child's inner thoughts and seriously understand the degree of psychological harm caused by the child because of this matter.
Encourage children to take the initiative to vent the emotions accumulated in their hearts when they are ridiculed, and release the depression and pain in their hearts.
For example, take the child to do something he has been waiting for for a long time or a trip he envisions, etc., so that the child can fully release this negative emotion.
Only when the mood is stable can the child have better thinking ability.
After identifying these two crucial things, what do we do next?
We look at it in a case-by-case manner:
The first case: the child does encounter school bullying
If it is determined that the child has encountered school bullying, and has been ridiculed by some other children who form a small group, nicknamed ugly, isolated, etc., it is indeed very serious to hurt the child's psychology, parents must give the child enough support, of course, not to counter violence with violence, but to mediate from it, and the other family, school to carry out the necessary communication, work together, find the crux of the problem, and solve the problem.
Some people may think that the children's affairs should be solved by the children themselves, and the adults should not be blindly involved.
But don't forget that they are still young, their minds are not yet mature, they are still in the stage of personality shaping, it is difficult to do "go their own way, let others say go" so free.
Don't feel that this is a parent overprotecting the child, and without the protection of the parents in the future, the child will be incapable of solving the problem.
If children can grow up healthily, they definitely need the escort of parents, not to mention the principle of school bullying.
Therefore, parents must stand up to support their children at this time, help their children solve problems, and teach their children how to solve problems if they encounter this situation again.
The second case: "jokes" between classmates
Jokes are carried out without harm to others, if the child is hurt because of such a joke, we can guide the child to resolve it in a humorous way, so as not to let the child fight each other, but also let the other party clearly know that the joke is not funny.
There are all kinds of people in the world, and we can also help children solve these problems in the growth stage of children, but we can't blindly help children, but we must also let children face themselves.
At this time, it is very important to carry out psychological construction of children
Teach children to appreciate the sparkle in themselves
The ruler is longer and the inch is shorter, and the child may be deficient in appearance, but it does not mean that the child does not have a shining point in other aspects.
We must teach children to know how to appreciate the shining points in their own bodies, and only when a person knows how to appreciate the shining points on his own body will he have strength in his heart, and he will have confidence in life.
Let children understand that knowledge is your best armament, and ability is the guarantee of your success
There is a very hot saying on the Internet: good-looking skin bags are the same, and interesting souls are one of the best.
Maybe we don't have innate beauty, but we can be interesting and intelligent people.
Let knowledge be our best weapon.
Cultivate and improve children's social skills, academic performance, sports and physical fitness, so that children continue to gain a sense of achievement at the same time, continue to grow, continue to mature, so that children understand that ability is the guarantee of success.
It is better to look beautiful than to live beautifully
Supermodel Lu Yan said: Not everyone has the opportunity to look beautiful, but everyone has the opportunity to live beautifully.
Beautiful appearance will become dazzling with the passage of time, but living beautifully is something you can achieve through your own efforts.
Living a beautiful life is wonderful and arbitrary.
May all the children of the world be able to live beautifully.
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