Text | Lee accident
Source 丨 Night Listen (ID:yetingfm)
Two days ago, I received a letter from a reader asking:
What do you think is the truth about marriage?
I've been thinking about this for a long time.
I remembered the hot topic on Weibo two days ago:
Which marriage lasts longer, married to love or marriage to money?
Some people say, marry love! After all, a marriage without love is equivalent to a pool of stagnant water.
Some people say, marry money! After all, a marriage without money is equivalent to talking on paper.
If you think about it, it's not unreasonable, but there's a comment at the bottom, sandwiched between a bunch of heated discussions:
Don't be naïve, marriages that marry love and money are not necessarily long-lasting. Haven't you heard a word? How to choose marriage is wrong, and a long-term marriage is wrong.
At first glance, I want to laugh, and at first glance, I want to cry.
Mistakes are wrong:
This is the current situation of many couples!
Many times, love the wrong person, get married wrong, think about separation, think about divorce.
But in the end, I found that I could not get inner peace by dividing or not dividing, away from or not leaving.
Like my girlfriend who has been married for almost five years.
Married a man she loved dearly and had a cute little child.
Originally thought that happiness was just in time, I did not expect that after marriage, various problems and contradictions followed.
In the words of a girlfriend:
Men are really big pig hooves, and they change their faces as soon as they get married.
In the past, he lost weight for love, and now he is blessed and fat.
In the past, he hollowed out his mind for big and small festivals to surprise me, and now he does not pay attention to the New Year's Festival.
In the past, he was good at everything and was willing to do anything for me, but now he gives up everything and ignores the housework children.
Everything is like what Qian Zhongshu wrote in "The Siege": No matter who you marry, after marriage, you always find that you are not married to the original person, like another person.
At first, it was amiable, but later it became an abomination.
At first, the qinqi calligraphy and painting poetry hops, and later became chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea.
When the marriage is implemented, love and non-love have long become a topic of shame, and the old husband and wife are embarrassed to mention it again.
Is it true that you don't love?
Nor is it.
If two people who love each other one day become disgusted with each other, it is not necessarily a big event that has happened, such as a third party, such as a terminal illness. Just simply tired, tired, tired.
So those vows of grace and love and going to old age together have finally become the reality that the aggrieved will live with the partner.
There is a saying in the Book of Stones that reads:
Whoever only cares about love is finally scattered.
All those who live together as partners are finally reunited.
It's ironic, but it's real.
There are thousands of marriages in the world, and there are no less than thousands of people who live together.
I have quarreled, made trouble, been sad, Angry and eager to go with him to get a divorce certificate right away, and when I really want to go out, I can't move my steps.
Why?
Maybe as they say:
Two hot-tempered adults live together, and the sadness and despair of arguing is true, and the gentleness of love is also true.
It's just how many thoughts of divorce are moved, and how many reasons will be found to stick with it.
The snow that falls on a person's life, we can't see it all.
The snow that runs through marriage, we can't see it all.
Only when you really enter marriage can you appreciate the unspeakable contradictions and complexities.
Without the beauty of the two loves when in love and the romance of the wind and snow, only the competition and endless quarrels in reality are left.
Don't believe it, you really have 50 thoughts of strangling him, and 200 urges to divorce.
I remember reading a story a long time ago.
Women try to leave men again and again:
Because he has too many shortcomings and unbearable, and he has too many dissatisfaction and hesitation.
Later, the man had a very classic confession, which I have not forgotten for so many years, he said:
I know I'm not good, I don't have much culture, and I have a good temper.
But I can change all of this.
If you hate me for not being as talented as others, I still have a lifetime to learn slowly.
I can also change my temper.
If I really get better, don't you leave me okay?
Yes.
Why not?
This life is sometimes annoying and sometimes good.
This feeling, sometimes blizzard and sometimes sunny.
And the man who goes through all this with you, he's like a glimpse of a very thick wall, occasionally knocking you on the head and bleeding, and most of the time protecting you well.
Jiang Defu and Anjie in the love of their parents are two such people.
They live very differently, a big old man, a big lady.
Jiang Defu was illiterate.
Jiang Defu does not like to be clean.
Jiang Defu ate and snorted.
And Anjie, in the words of Jiang Defu:
Industriousness is not bravery.
Work hard and don't complain.
Beautiful is not kind.
Even having a child is much more squeamish than ordinary women...
Each has a lot of shortcomings, but Jiang Defu has identified Anjie and is determined to live a lifetime, even if the organization does not agree to let them be together, even if they have to lose their hats, they will not hesitate to go home and become farmers.
And the heart of Anjie and Jiang Defu for the rest of their lives is also equally resolute.
When someone asks:
"If Commander Jiang really disarmed and returned to the field, took off his military uniform and returned to his hometown to become a farmer, can you really honestly go back to his hometown with him and live that kind of bitter life of eating chaff and throat vegetables?"
Anjie looked up and said only two words:
"I can."
You see, these two people have quarreled and quarreled, but they can't do it, and the second half of their lives are destined to be closely linked.
There is a saying that goes like this:
The so-called marriage is that you have me in your eyes and you in my eyes.
Look at each other's hole cards, see each other's darkness, and then still love each other.
Sometimes love is not true, good, or beautiful, it is that you change a little for him, and he changes a little for you.
Just like Anjie and Jiang Defu, Anjie wants to make Jiang Defu's living habits more civilized, and has not stopped the pace of transforming Jiang Defu, and Jiang Defu feels that Anjie has many problems and wants to make his wife as simple as possible, and the two have walked hand in hand through their lives in this process of mutual transformation.
Love each other while rejecting, and be able to share and share.
All marriages in this world that can walk together for a lifetime are not perfect—
Because only by understanding loneliness and struggle can you really know how to maintain and cherish.
Only those who have truly understood the pain of love will know how to transform emotions and desires into understanding, no longer affected by love, but give birth to ordinary hearts.
Having said all that, revisit the original question of the article:
What is the truth about marriage?
I've heard a very poignant answer:
The truth of the marriage is that Grandma has hated Grandpa for fifty years, but she is still the one who sits by the bedside and takes care of him.
In fact, most marriages in this world are the same, while hating each other, accompanied by the rest of their lives.
I don't know how far your marriage is from the rest of your life, but I want you to see that even the "seemingly worst-case marriage" can go for the rest of your life.
It's like "rock old cannon" Zheng Jun and his wife Liu Yun.
The two of them were together, in the words of a fan:
One elegant, one vulgar.
One Wenqing, one city servant.
One goes his own way, one is willful.
One doesn't hurt people, one wants to be hurt.
When I was just with Zheng Jun, Liu Yun had a fever and wanted Zheng Jun to accompany him to the hospital, and Zheng Jun threw himself away with a sentence: "I accompany you to see a doctor, you will not have a fever?" I register you, you don't burn? ”
Look, how fierce this man is! What a charm!
Anyone will be disgusted, right?
Liu Yun is the same.
So they quarreled over all kinds of small things, quarreling at both ends for three days, and when they quarreled, Zheng Jun ran, and Liu Yun directly chased after the elevator entrance and scolded: "The clothes on your body are all bought by me, and I took them off." ”
Zheng Jun took off, took off his bare arms, did not dare to take the elevator, slipped downstairs, and called the agent to let him deliver clothes.
Zheng Jun did not care to go to the liquor bureau, Liu Yun was not used to it, the phone called, split his head and covered his face and scolded, Zheng Jun was even more happy, thinking that no girl had ever dared to do this to me.
Zheng Jun's temper came up and dropped things, Liu Yun did not stop, bought a chair of that special material, fell on the ground and "banged" to bounce up, Zheng Jun suddenly did not get angry.
In the face of such a bad me, even the chair has a desire to survive.
He said that he was terrible, and it was Liu Yun who made him understand the meaning of true love.
In a song written to Liu Yun, he sang:
We are the most loving natural enemies, not one of them.
Yes!
It is a natural enemy and a lover.
No one is much better, and their temper is not inferior.
Everyone has something they can't get used to, but no one is ready to leave anyone.
Don't believe it, two people together, sometimes have a magical chemical reaction.
When no one can cure you, there will always be a person who can cure you, but also heal you, you two are sworn enemies, but also good teammates.
There are many unsatisfactory partners in this world, but they all accompany each other to the end.
There are many unsatisfactory marriages in this world, but they are noisy and noisy.
Maybe your marriage, there are not too many flowers and snow, there are just the determination of life and death and the belief of working together, that is enough.
The best marriage is that no matter how many winds and frosts there are in life, you will eventually have each other, it is to find the courage to continue to love each other in the bumps and bumps, and to find the preciousness of a plain life in the chicken and garlic skin.
Click "watching", you have to know, no matter how good the marriage, it is also a love while abandoning, arguing while getting old, may we all find the person who goes to the whitehead in the unpredictable future!
Author: Li Unexpected. Source: Night Listening (ID: yetingfm), Night Listening, For Love, Meet a Better Self. Reading has a way to publish articles with authorization.
Today's Book Uncle recommended:
What is lost is a supporting role,
What remains is life;
2022, start over!