The educator Comenius pointed out: "Children should be respected as God is respected." ”
Because for a person, the most precious thing is dignity. What's more, for children, the most terrible thing is not the addition of sticks and sticks, punches and kicks, but the parents who let their children lose face and lose dignity.
Dignity is the most important thing in the human soul that should be carefully cared for and must not be wasted. A writer once said:
"The vibrations to which people are subjected are varied, some in the vertebrae, some in the nerves, some in morality and feelings, but the most intense and lasting is in the dignity of the individual."
To educate children, we must first respect them.
The child's initial feeling of respect is obtained from the parents, and the awareness of respect for others is gradually established through many experiences, training, education, and continuous reinforcement in daily life.
Now some young parents have a good understanding of their children's growth needs because they are well educated, and they can respect their children in their daily lives.
However, there are also a considerable number of parents who know some principles of respect for their children, but they cannot do it in real life.
In their eyes, the child is their own private property, and the child must obey the arrangement of the parents.
Such parents often place their children in a situation of complete dependence on themselves and do not treat their children as an independent individual.
Once the child's behavior is contrary to their will, or does not meet their expectations and demands, then scolding and sticking will follow.
For many parents, learning to respect their children is not an easy task, because it is not something that can be learned immediately and has an immediate effect if they want to learn overnight.
It should be based on correct understanding, spend a hundred times more thought, work hard, and truly from the heart of the conscious behavior.
Therefore, parents must develop the habit of respecting their children, because whether a child is respected or not, whether they have dignity or not, does not depend on the quality of the family's economic conditions, but entirely depends on what kind of environment they grew up in and what kind of education they received in the process of growing up.
The former Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky once said: "Educators can only care about the sense of human dignity, so that the educated can be educated through learning, and the core of education is, in its essence, to let the educated always experience their own sense of dignity." ”
For children, educators can be teachers in schools, classmates, partners, in an abstract sense, educators can also be books, exhibitions, and so on.
But as far as parents are concerned as educators, their role in all aspects is the greatest.
Because parents and children have the longest contact time, especially when the child is in early childhood, the main educator in contact is the parent, and this period is the period when the child is most malleable.
Therefore, in this period, parents must give their children a positive impact, especially importantly, parents must give their children full respect from the time they are young.
In this way, the child's self-esteem awareness can be more effectively established, so that the child can be respected, learn to respect, and give respect.
Self-esteem is divided into two categories – low self-esteem and high self-esteem.
What is high self-esteem?
1. Feel good about yourself, and your evaluation of yourself is mostly positive;
2. When being watched, you can behave well and not be afraid of the reaction of others;
3. Willing to work hard for people who hold high standards;
4. Get along with people who are better than themselves, they will feel comfortable;
5. You can stand up for yourself and fight against the negative comments of others.
If your baby also has the above characteristics, then congratulations, the baby belongs to the high self-esteem type, and his life will be much happier!
The general negative environment and emotional illness will not hit him.
So what is the low self-esteem type?
1. The most obvious one is that you feel that you are nothing, and it is easier to have a negative evaluation of your performance.
2. Think you'll be rejected by someone else.
Especially sensitive to other people's emotional fluctuations, feeling a little change, the brain immediately plays back and analyzes, is not caused by their own "inappropriate" actions;
Do not know how to refuse, even if it often damages their own interests and feelings.
3. When you are watched, you will behave badly and be very sensitive to the negative reactions of others. Overconsidering other people's eyes and pandering to others.
4. Willingness to work for people with low standards and few criticisms.
When you get praise, you will be uncomfortable, and immediately take the initiative to expose yourself to point shortcomings in response to the other party.
5. It feels threatening to be with people they find good.
6. It is difficult to resist the negative evaluation of others, easy to be affected, busy with self-criticism, self-blame, and self-doubt.
7. Unable to accept the dignity of being born as a human being, it is necessary to obtain dignity with the help of external forces, such as talent, money, appearance, character, hobbies, the love of others, etc.
If the baby fits these descriptions, then be careful and deliberately intervene and adjust their mental state.
In social surveys, the fatality rate of low self-esteem is higher than that of traditional cowardice and inferiority, and depressed patients, mentalLY PUA subjects and others are often low-level self-esteem people.
People with high levels of self-esteem tend to live more easily and have a sense of well-being; People with low levels of self-esteem tend to live "very tired" and lack motivation.
So, how do high and low self-esteem react differently to things?
In the face of failed criticism:
Low self-esteem people will say, "I'm particularly sensitive to criticism from others, and whenever someone whispers in front of me, I worry if they're talking about me." ”
High self-esteem people will say, "When I'm not doing well, I draw my own conclusions." If someone comes to criticize me on purpose, that's a strange thing! What does my failure have to do with him, I can manage myself. ”
In the face of success praise:
Low self-esteem people feel: "I succeeded once, but how much did I do?" Mostly luck. I'm afraid that everyone will know my true level, so that everyone will know that I don't deserve it. ”
High self-esteem people feel: "It's good to succeed once, it's natural." I've always known I could do it, and this success only confirmed it once again. ”
In the face of external evaluation:
People with low self-esteem often say, "Who am I?" I do not know. I often judge myself according to the evaluations given by others. But other people's evaluations are sometimes high and low, so my heart is also up and down, and there is no peace. ”
High self-esteem people often say, "I have a clear understanding of myself, and I pay attention to the positive side of myself." The evaluation given by others, I just listened, said it right, I looked up at him, said wrong, I laughed. ”
When faced with a choice:
The low self-esteem person said: "I am always hesitant when things happen, the things that should be done are delayed, the boss asked me to hang up a phone to the customer, but I would worry about him on a business trip, I would worry that he was busy, and I was dragged to the end of the work time, and I did not hang up on the grounds that he should be off work." ”
The high self-esteem person said: "Before I wanted to lose weight, my friend said that dieting is not good for the body, running and hurting the knee, and they don't want to be with me." I spent a long time doing my homework and making plans, and now I've lost weight and they're still fat. ”
Attitude towards life:
People with low self-esteem tend to have a negative attitude towards life, and they tend to feel like they are the poster child for failure, failing everywhere. Unless perfect, nothing is worth anything.
People with high self-esteem can accept their imperfections, will not put too high demands on themselves, and will not be harsh on themselves. At the same time, they will constantly improve themselves, i.e. "I'm fine, but I can be better".
When faced with your own image:
People with low self-esteem tend to lack confidence in their image, so they make a lot of effort to make themselves look younger, better looking, or in better shape. Everyone has a heart for beauty, just work hard. But "overcorrection" can be embarrassing.
People with high self-esteem are more accepting of their own image, beauty is not inevitable, appropriate is king.
Obviously, in the face of self and the outside world, success and failure, with just the right amount of self-esteem, we can be more relaxed, more natural, more capable of enjoying the joy of success, summarizing the reasons for failure.
Who should take care of the initial self-esteem?
Psychologists' observations of children show that all this has begun to take shape before the age of eight, and parents' love, encouragement, criticism and depreciation of their children will affect the level of self-esteem of children as adults.
Every success and failure in our childhood subtly affects our self-esteem. And the feedback from parents and the environment will affect our eyes.
Everyone has the ability to self-regulate
Self-esteem is not innate, and everyone's self-esteem level is constantly changing throughout their lives. Therefore, it is possible to try to change from the following aspects.
Try more possibilities
Take out a blank piece of paper and write down the four areas of self-knowledge:
Psychology believes that as long as a person's "open zone" is expanded, self-esteem will become stronger. So, try:
Turn "blind spots" into "open zones" – listen to others and try to find reasons for themselves;
Turn the "hidden area" into an "open area" - properly express some of the previously unspoken thoughts in your heart and face your feelings;
Turn the "unknown zone" into an "open zone" – try more things you haven't done before, and experience the surprise feeling of "I can still do this".
Stop "self-attack"
Learn to stop "self-attack", learn to accept failure, learn to affirm ourselves, be good at discovering the parts of life that we can do, and "forget" those who have not done it, and our self-esteem is likely to rise.
Take action and reward yourself
When negative emotions arise, do not let fear and uneasiness control yourself, correctly understand yourself, and have a stable mentality to overcome difficulties.
Whether a person can achieve success depends only on whether he has two conditions: self-esteem and self-confidence. - Socrates.
It's important to give your child just the right amount of self-esteem!
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