Tutorial Notes 06
Adolescent girls, there are a lot of acne on the face, the mother let her avoid the mouth, eat less potato chips, popcorn and other fried foods, but the daughter does not listen.
"You say, my daughter is sometimes quite smelly and beautiful, but why can't she not eat those fried foods in order to have fewer acne?"
My mother sat across from me and said that her 13-year-old daughter had a feeling of "hating iron not steel", and seemed to wonder how an adolescent girl could not care about her beauty.
I asked, "Have you asked your daughter what she thinks about acne?" ”
Mom said, "No, you can ask." ”
The mother talked about another thing: her daughter's skin was a little dark, and one day her classmates actually said that she could endorse black toothpaste!
"She looked angry, but I didn't feel like she was really angry." Mom was still a little puzzled.
I asked, "Why do you care so much about your daughter's appearance?" ”
Mom thought deeply for a moment and said, "I don't particularly care, but it seems that the level of attention is really beyond the average level of attention." ”
I asked again, "Then why are you so concerned?" ”
This time, my mother pondered for a long time and said, "I hope she has confidence in herself in this regard, because I am quite confident in my appearance, and I hope she has." ”
Wow ~ ~ I silently like my mother in my heart! This is a mother who wants her daughter to be as confident as herself, and even wants her child to surpass herself.
I asked again, "Does your daughter know your idea?" ”
"Of course I don't know," my mother said, "if you hadn't asked me that, I wouldn't have known that way." ”
I said, "This is a good awareness. ”
We often have good expectations and blessings for our children, but in our actions, we often make children feel preachy and critical.
If the mother understands the child's thoughts, if the child understands the mother's wishes, acne can no longer be a mother-daughter trouble, but a common problem.
Next, we discussed how we could communicate with our daughter on this matter:
1. Ask your daughter what she thinks about pimples;
2, let the child know the mother's expectations: mother hopes that you are as confident in your appearance as I am;
3, let the child understand the mother not only hope that you have confidence in appearance, but also hope that you also have confidence in other aspects, you can surpass the mother.
This mode of communication is: first listen to the child, then express expectations, do not insist on the result, and fully understand and respect the child.
I told my mom that what adolescents need is full respect, full understanding, and full support. In addition to the problem of acne, adolescent clothing, study, relationships with family, etc. can be communicated using this model.
Many people say that the synonym for adolescence is "rebellion." In fact, there is no rebellion in the eyes of children, they are just trying to become themselves, a completely independent self.
When we can listen and understand, what children feel is not to be preached and criticized, but to respect and support, and adolescence can naturally have less struggle and more harmony.
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I'm Kay Mama
A PAIM Certified Family Education Counsellor
Certified instructor of the Positive Correctional Association
Practitioner of the family education concept of "parenting before raising oneself"
An educational blogger who "only chickens themselves are not chicken babies"
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