Motherhood is great ? No, sometimes maternal love is terrible
Chinese culture has a kind of Oedipal plot, and even the concept of "motherland" is tied to the image of the mother and marketed, so maternal love has a moral transcendent value, great, sublime, sacred and inviolable. From primary school Chinese textbooks and main theme songs to popular readings such as "Reader", Acura Mother's Love Soul Chicken Soup is densely distributed. The elevation of maternal love to a religion, a superstition, is also one of the contents of brainwashing education. Whoever dares to question maternal love is a great rebel and inferior to the beast.
Maternal love is not necessarily a virtue, sometimes it is just an addiction. Because of the expectations of society and the praise of public opinion, many mothers have gone crazy when they play the role of mothers. Mother's love does not close for 24 hours, showing unrestrained attention and excessive worry about children, "how to make them quit a lot of hoarding of maternal love is the focus." Without proper rest, maternal love adds a lot of dust."
Maternal love makes many mothers lose themselves and attach all the value of life to their children, and maternal love becomes a heavy burden. "It is an old vice that a woman willingly becomes a slave to her children. Living only for others is called dedication. And this kind of selfless love is not unconditional, that is, you can't betray, you can't even say no. ”
"A mother who uses love as a weapon is simply a killer in her mother's skin." Xu Changde said fiercely, "When you blurt out that you are like your father, you are not worthy to be a mentally normal mother." And many mothers, because of their disagreement with their husbands, instilled hatred in their children - in the news that "the son has leukemia, the father refuses to donate bone marrow", does not the mother say to the 4-year-old child, your father does not love you, your grandparents do not love you, let the child leave this world with the pain and hatred of abandonment? Such "maternal love" makes people...
As children grow up, most parents will choose ways to make their children more independent, hoping that they will be able to take responsibility in the future, especially for some one-child families, which is even more obvious.
Of course, in addition to the situation we mentioned above, some parents are also more doting on their children, plus because there is only one child in the family, they will pour all their efforts into him, and they are more sticky to the children, but is this really good for the children?
Ms. Zhang has been by his side to take care of her growing up after the birth of her son Junjun, and she has never left from the first grade of her child to the time of her child's high school.
In fact, in the beginning, she also moved her heart to see other children boarding when they were in high school. But thinking that the child will not do anything, afraid that the child has no one to take care of and affect the learning, so he resigned and rented a house next to the child's school to take care of the child's diet and living, so the mother and son lived in this small house for a year or two.
I don't know when Ms. Zhang actually found that the child would sometimes hide in the bed and secretly chat.
Later asked the child's class teacher, she knew that her child may be in love with other female classmates at school, after learning such news, she could not help but start to worry that the child would delay learning because of these things, thinking about it, and finally decided to move to the child's room to sleep with the child, and at the same time can play a role in supervision.
However, this act of hers was opposed by her son, but due to her strength, his son could only obey helplessly.
In this way, she and her son have been deadlocked for about half a year, and then once because of the child's poor grades, Ms. Zhang scolded the child bitterly, but she did not expect that it was because of this matter that she embarked on the "road of no return".
01 The child has grown up, and the parents do not know how to let go, which has a great impact on the growth of the child
From the above examples, many parents may say that it is obvious that their children do not understand things. In fact, we can find out from careful analysis that sometimes parents pay too much attention to their children, but they will be unusually uncomfortable.
Because in this highly tense situation, choosing some way to get rid of it is also a matter of last resort.
Our children have grown up, why should parents control everything about them? In fact, sometimes letting go may be a kind of love. After all, for children, this excessive oppression will only cause greater harm to their growth.
No one grows up in an oppressive situation, but the state that parents exhibit in the process has caused the child's self-esteem to be lacking.
After all, children cannot decide what they want to do and what they don't want to do, and can only listen to their parents' arrangements. For a long time, the situation of inner inferiority is becoming more and more obvious.
What kind of emotions would we have if we had someone around us who liked to arrange us? In fact, through thinking, we can know that irritability and anger are the most obvious state.
Because in the case of oppression, people's instinct is to carry out a certain degree of resistance, but for children, they can not yell at their parents, they can only choose to solve it themselves, or make a conclusion.
There will be various problems in the growth of any one person, and there are also great differences in the state that each of us shows in the process of growing up.
As we said, children choose to leave their parents under excessive pressure from their parents, which is also the state that many children now show under the negative dissatisfaction.
02 Parents properly let go, in order to achieve a better life for their children!
Many parents may not know that after the child is three years old, they have a more obvious period of resistance, and when they are about 12 years old, they enter puberty, which is the most obvious state of resistance for children.
But many parents always deal with their children with an oppressive attitude, and even think that the little fart child does not understand anything, and all the arrangements they give to their children are the most correct.
In fact, such thoughts and behaviors will only bring more pain to children, after all, they just want to make decisions for their own lives, and are not willing to listen to their parents' arrangements.
The importance of respect for children that we mentioned above is actually the most important thing for parents to properly change their roles and let go appropriately.
● Children will have their own thinking
All the things mentioned above are taken care of by parents, which will actually cause children to become extremely lazy in such a situation. After all, parents can help them solve any problem, why should children think? And the time left behind, the child can not fully use it to learn.
So why don't parents want to let their children make their own decisions, let them know how to think, and don't do too much for them?
● Children will have their own opinions
The growth of any person is by no means attached to others, only he can think and continuously improve in order to allow him to grow himself.
For children, their strongest reliance is their parents, and once parents let go, children can have a more obvious breakthrough, why not parents?
The child we raise is definitely not a being who only listens to the words of others, but has his own opinion, and having his own thinking is what parents expect.
● Children will become more active
There are great differences in the relationship between active and passive, and the state of active and passive behavior also amazes many parents. When we take the initiative to ask our children to do something, they are reluctant in their hearts.
But if, in the process, we can pique our children's interest and make them volunteer to do it, it will have a greater effect.
When we let go properly, all the things of the children are decided by themselves, and the initiative and enthusiasm will be more obvious.
Sometimes the greatness of maternal love is not as simple as we think, and if it is premised on controlling the child, then this love is not necessary. So I hope you can realize what is the so-called love? The best arrangement for the child.
You would say that only a very small number of people do this, and here's the problem!
Every mother, blinded by the "great motherly love," deified and justified what she did. But a lot of times, we pause and examine ourselves rationally, and sometimes we blame the child, is it really all for his own good? Is it because of saving face, venting your emotions, or not being patient enough?
Indulge in great illusions, think of yourself as superhuman or heroic— let me put it bluntly, you are only the mother of your children, not the mother of all mankind; you just love your children, not some love beyond humanity. It is not necessary to raise maternal love to a moral height, it is a precious emotion, but also a special profession. Motherhood should be professional, modest and reasonable. Make motherly love more measured, more skilled, more interesting, more relaxed, this is what we have to do.
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