Every child, perhaps from the first time he encounters difficulties in doing homework, feels the attitude and requirements of his parents towards him and learning, and there are subtle changes in psychology.
Recently in class, check the students several repeatedly emphasized knowledge points, the eyes sweep to the absent-minded little X, ask one of the questions, directly will not.
Very small knowledge points, do not want to continue to pestering and delaying the class, so I asked him to memorize after class and check with me when the big class recess.
During the big recess, Little X was delayed and asked a classmate who came to the office,
He said: "Little X was playing with a few classmates in the hallway, and he was having a good time. ”
I asked him to go and call Little X.
After a while, Little X came, sweating profusely, and seemed to have just played a lot.
I asked him why he didn't come to me and didn't speak, and I asked him to memorize that little knowledge point, and he straightened his eyes and said, "I can't do it." ”
I criticized him for saying:
"Such a simple knowledge point, I have repeatedly emphasized in the class, I have also let you memorize many times before, and now I give you time to prepare after class, but I can't memorize it!" Is this stupid or lazy? ”
The original intention was to make him reflect on his laziness and not working hard, and I thought about the words of education later.
As a result, he didn't play his cards according to the routine!
He actually thought about it very seriously and told me, "It's because of stupidity." ”
I was about to be held out of his old blood!
From teaching for nearly twenty years, I have seen many students who do not study hard, and this child is the first child to face the temptation of the teacher, choosing "stupid" between the choice of "lazy and stupid".
Here's the thing: he's not stupid at all!
Looking at his big black and white eyes, imagining that he was still bouncing around in the hallway a moment ago, reacting quickly, and now he had to say that he was an "idiot" in order to cope with me, I was angry and funny.
I think this child is too lazy for too long, so that he is not willing to take the initiative to make any effort to change himself, and a word suddenly popped into my head: laziness becomes stupidity.
As a middle school teacher, whenever I receive a freshman in junior high school, I always have this feeling:
No matter how positive the children are at the beginning of the school year, or even without deliberate observation, you will always be in a week or two.
"Forced" to get to know some of my classmates first—the particularly mischievous and the particularly lazy.
Don't say naughty, let's talk about these lazy children.
After three or two days of positivity, they will be "revealed".
Even if the teacher deliberately assigns very little homework in order to form habits and cultivate confidence for the children, there will still be children who will not complete.
When asked why they did not finish their homework, they often either frowned or stared at the big eyes, small eyes; made innocent, painful, contemplative, silent...
After some negotiations with him, they said that they would make corrections, but the next day there was still no improvement...
I can't help but sigh in my heart: these children no longer feel that they should complete their homework, and subjectively have given up actively using their brains and solving problems, and entered a state of numbness.
In fact, they also want to work hard to perform and make a good impression on the teacher.
But good intentions can't overcome the habit of laziness, and after a little effort, they find that it is "too tired" to insist on completing homework every day.
As a result, it enters a state of "dormancy" of the brain and "passive confrontation" with homework.
You say something else to him, and he laughs, and as long as you mention learning, the whole person will become stupid.
How did this laziness get into it?
I can't help but think of my own child, when he was in the first grade, the habits were not good, the homework had to be done very late every day, once the teacher assigned the recitation of a text, he was grinding and moaning at the beginning, how to remind it did not work, at more than nine o'clock at night, he was tired and wanted to sleep.
His father said: If your back is not deep, you are not allowed to sleep! You can't go wrong with your back to one place!
He turned his eyes to me for help, and I said: Listen to Daddy.
That night, my son cried and carried his back, from sadness to despair, and finally carried it.
In the future, although he is still slow to do homework and memorize things a lot of times, and he wants to be lazy, I think he has a bottom line in his heart, that is, he can drag it out, but he can't not complete it.
I think that every child, perhaps from the first time he encounters difficulties in doing homework, feels the attitude and requirements of his parents towards him and learning, and there are subtle changes in psychology.
Those parents who have a gentle attitude and strict requirements give their children respect and a bottom line that cannot be broken;
Those parents who have a tough attitude and strict requirements also give their children the bottom line, but the children have a sense of depression, and it is easy to rebel as they grow up;
Parents who waver give their children room for bargaining;
Those parents who complain give their children reasons for not learning and the attitude of shirking responsibility in everything else.
Those parents who "do everything well" let their children become people who have no requirements for themselves.
The paradox is that those parents who are too tolerant of their children are often parents who think they "know a little education", adhering to the concept of tolerance, acceptance, and happy education, and expect to achieve better educational results than "managing children" through "no matter the children".
As everyone knows, tolerance, acceptance of children, and happy education are by no means no requirements for children.
"Educating" children without requirements, children have no requirements for themselves, and the result of indulgence is that children have no bottom line in doing things.
Parents are lazy in educating their children, children are asking themselves to be lazy, once or twice seems to be okay, three times, four times seem to have no great impact on learning; however, the child's psychology has long been slowly changing in this indulgence, and when the results are obvious, the child's laziness has been cultivated.
How many children are so conniving, a little bit "lazy into stupid"!
For such a child, my feelings, when I was young, were angry and incomprehensible, and now I am distressed and sighing.
Where are they stupid! There is no habit of thinking and being diligent.
As a teacher, I have met all kinds of children, and by witnessing their growth, I have deeply realized that as children's grades rise, learning is more and more not something that can be done with IQ alone.
I have seen children who at the beginning rely on intelligence alone and can learn well, but because they are lazy and have no good habits, their grades are getting worse and worse; I have also seen children whose grades are not top-notch at the beginning, but because of perseverance, patience and good learning habits, they have rushed through the bottleneck period, and the more they learn, the more confident they are, and their grades far exceed the teacher's prediction.
Mr. Ye Shengtao said: The essence of education is to cultivate habits.
The main position of habit cultivation is in the family, whether their children are smart or not, parents should cultivate their children's awareness and habits of not being opportunistic in everything, studying seriously and doing things seriously.
When children encounter difficulties, it is a good opportunity to cultivate this awareness and habits.
Parents should find ways to accompany their children to rush over, rather than wavering attitudes, complaining about others or leaving their hands alone.
At this time, your attitude is very subtly affecting the child's psychology,
Your approach sets an example of "doing" for your child.
Children who have developed the habit of laziness are not incurable.
But the strength of the child alone cannot overcome this long-standing bad habit.
He needs the full support and help of parents, as well as the understanding and patience of parents.
I hope that more and more parents will wake up and devote themselves to scientific family education.