Hello everyone, I am Huang Yafu, professor of psychology at Guizhou Normal University. Welcome to pay attention to Guiyang Civil Affairs Marriage and Family "Cloud Counseling". Today I would like to share with you the fourth theme: the three taboos of husband and wife quarrelling.
Husband and wife are a boat that walks together through wind and rain, and it is necessary for the husband and wife to row together and maintain the same strength, speed and rhythm of rowing in order to reach the other side of happiness. However, inconsistencies are inevitable for a variety of reasons. If inconsistencies occur, some couples may resolve them by arguing.
Couples living together will inevitably have quarrels, and it can be said that quarrels are a normal manifestation in married life. We see that in real life, some couples will regret when they quarrel, regret has a promise, and the promise cannot be done; Or when arguing, you become angry, you can't stop, you can't control your emotions, and it rises to physical conflict, which is not normal. Therefore, couples quarreling should avoid three taboos.
The first taboo is to swear when you are emotional. Swearing is the release of emotions, not thinking about problems and resolving conflicts, but only aggravating and worsening the contradictions between husband and wife. If you want to achieve a normal and benign quarrel between husband and wife, you must use the first, second, and third to express it in an orderly manner, so that you can solve the problem without hurting your feelings.
The second taboo is to blindly turn over old accounts. Quarrels are an unavoidable phenomenon in the relationship between husband and wife. In real life, some couples quarrel often turn over old accounts, quarrel and start to "revisit old things", turning over old accounts is like revealing scars, which will make each other uncomfortable and make the relationship between husband and wife worse and worse. Husband and wife quarrels should avoid "revisiting old things" and follow the principle of timing and quantitative direction, which can reduce or avoid quarrels and increase the relationship between husband and wife. Timing is to have a time limit for quarrels, and the quarrel on the day is over, which is often said to be "husband and wife have no overnight feud". Quantification is not dwelling on the past, and only expressing personal feelings and needs about things that were not satisfied or unhappy at that time. Orientation is to solve problems and avoid quarrels in the future.
The third taboo is to quarrel in front of others. Fights are often fought by one party to prove that they are right. Arguing in front of others and winning over one's support for oneself will constantly mention the inadequacies of your spouse. Complaining about the inadequacy of a spouse in front of others is extremely destructive to the couple's relationship, and the couple must try to avoid it. Couples who can quarrel only hope that the two can deal with each other's conflicts face to face. There is a concept of social roles in psychology, everyone will slowly grow into themselves in the eyes of others, when you tell others that you are happy, you will communicate with people according to your happy lifestyle; When you tell someone that you are in pain, you will constantly look for facts that support your pain to prove that your statement is correct.
There is no husband and wife in the world who do not quarrel, if there is a quarrel, couples should avoid the above three taboos, do not say hurtful words, do not fight right or wrong, let alone win or lose, and take the initiative to express their feelings and needs. Quarrels are not a bad thing, through quarrels to understand each other better, but also more aware of their own shortcomings, will make the couple's relationship better and better.
Source | Guiyang Civil Affairs Bureau
Proofreading | Liu Niu
Typesetting | Yang Ying
Responsible Editor | Schaugen
Approval | Liu