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Non-maritalism
What do you think about non-marriage?
In recent years, the new term "non-marriageism" has begun to appear. So, what do you think about non-marriage? Are there any non-marital people around you? If you know non-married people over the age of 50, talk about their current situation.
The public account dialog reply #non-maritalism #+ the content you want to share with us, let's learn how to improve ourselves together~
*Title source: Question 3 of this issue of Micro-Q&A
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Question 1
Keyword: off-site
Basic information:
Female, 93 years, 158cm, 103 pounds, six months after giving birth, 985 masters, public institution establishment, annual salary 18W.
Male, 94 years, 166,145 pounds, IT industry, annual salary million, IQ and EQ double-high.
First love with each other, only child.
The woman's parents have been divorced since childhood, and when they meet the male god husband, it is like encountering light in life. My husband's financial power took the initiative to hand over, and my family took the initiative to discuss with my husband with the money. Married for two and a half years, my husband works in first-tier cities, and I work in my hometown unit an hour's drive from the surrounding area, and I am married on weekends.
When I gave birth in June this year, my husband loved me very much, and when my family cared about the baby, he always paid attention to my emotions, saying that I was his little daughter.
Issue:
I know that a different place cannot last long Planning to resign next year and go to a first-tier city to reunite, when I first told my husband, he felt that the current establishment was very rare and suggested riding a donkey to find a horse, but I told him that I wanted to take care of him as soon as possible, and every day after he came home from overtime, I could cook him a bowl of hot soup and press a massage, and he was looking forward to the day of reunion with me after listening to it.
Now the problem is that I can only do an ordinary clerk job after I go, I don't know if he will have an opinion about me as his career further develops, and my mother-in-law is in the system, and she will most likely not support me if I resign next year, for fear that they will have a pimple with each other. May I ask Sister Doll what should I do to minimize the bad impact?
In addition, next year, after the baby turns one year old, I plan to send it back to my hometown to bring it to my father-in-law, and my husband and I will work hard and enjoy the world of two, is this appropriate?
Thanks to the baby sister, the photo is one year after marriage, and the second picture is five months after giving birth.
answer
I think your judgment may be very problematic, such as you said that you told your husband that you wanted to take care of him as soon as possible, and every day after he came home from overtime, you could cook him a bowl of hot soup, press massage, and then say that he was looking forward to the day of reuniting with you after listening to it.
I feel that this matter may not be true. At least the cloth scissors I know, especially do not want to reunite with the stone cloth women, and those cloth scissors will repeatedly describe to them the expectation of reuniting with them.
He is so strong, 94 years annual salary million, and you long-term long-term, such a cloth man, but will always pay attention to your emotions, when the family cares about the baby, but he cares about you incomparably, saying that you are his little daughter, this kind of emotional expression, don't you vaguely feel a little uneasy in your heart? I heard that the last woman who received similar treatment was Zhang Ziyi.
I personally think that he thinks your current composition is rare, and it is recommended to ride a donkey to find a horse, and do not want to be reunited so quickly, which is what he really thinks. He doesn't necessarily want to end the long way in his heart, but he habitually follows you.
I really didn't quite have the right instincts, but there is no evidence to prove my doubts, even if what you say is true.
You "plan to resign next year and go to a first-tier city to reunite", "next year after the baby turns one year old, I plan to send it back to my hometown to bring it to my father-in-law, and my husband and I will work hard and enjoy the world of two", I am very supportive. Your husband is young, Xiongjing is so strong, you should really end the long-distance with him as soon as possible, and your marriage will be stable. However, the premise of this matter is that you are a girl who gets along well.
As for "my mother-in-law is in the system, I will resign next year and she will most likely not support it, for fear that they will have a pimple with each other", this point does not need to worry too much. After you and your husband are reunited, be your husband's benevolent helper, take care of his life, and after a period of time in the world of the two, you will also put the second child on the agenda as soon as possible, and the mother-in-law will slowly accept your choice when she sees that her daughter-in-law is virtuous and sensible and can hold her grandson more.
Of course, it is also very important to coax your mother-in-law with a sweet mouth, thank your mother-in-law for bringing a baby, and wrap more red envelopes for your mother-in-law. I have repeatedly read your letter and think that your perception is not strong, and I must send you a warning:
If after passing, you find that your husband has flowers outside, this possibility is very large, and it is recommended to deal with it calmly and not to ruin your home and yourself.
Question 2
Keywords: cold violence
I hope the doll will give me some advice, I want to divorce but worry about children.
My husband is 33 years old, 168cm, 49kg, school teaching officer, annual income 15W. Single-parent family with a mom whose dad fell ill and died while he was in college.
I am 31 years old, 164cm, 65kg, nurse, annual income 25W.
Worried about the peak of the first wave of infections, I moved out early. After the infection, I had a high fever, and I asked my husband to get me something from home, but I couldn't walk anymore, and my legs were weak. He was reluctant, saying he was worried about the virus and worried about his children.
I said that I just put it at the door, it was not so scary to do a good job of protection, although I still sent it in the end, but my heart was still cold.
And usually his cold violence, often did not respond to what he said, came back to sleep. Occasionally rest until noon, eat, play with the child for a while and sleep until dark, and then swipe the mobile phone at night. The toys on the ground can be stepped on directly without picking them up, and the socks are taken off at the door, and there is no response after saying it many times. I have said many questions many times, but there is still no response. I lose my temper and he reacts. After a while, it returned to its original form.
Often cold and violent to me, I am very repulsive to sex, he has been annoyed for a while and now does not take the initiative. In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he has no role in the middle, does not say a word, has been silent, he said that every family has a mother-in-law problem, and it cannot be changed.
He couldn't see my demands, immersed in his work and mobile phone every day. Think that taking children to do housework is something that can be done by one person, there is no need to take the handle, and I have not seen him take the initiative to do housework.
(Swipe left and right to see more)
answer
You in the chat record, imposing, aggressive, the other party said, you have to choke him five sentences in succession, and not only burst foul language many times, but also threatened the other party with extreme "jumping off the building", which is suffocating across the screen.
You can see that your husband has been trying his best to avoid conflicts with you (such as he said "Let's talk about yesterday's events when you have no emotions"), or trying to calm your anger ("I admit that I have many problems, many problems, change it slowly"), and is also actively trying to find ways to resolve the conflict ("When XX goes to school, let her go back to her hometown, I will pick her up by myself", "I told my mother, let her speak quietly").
People have also recognized their mistakes, and the solution has been proposed, but you do not accept them all, blindly vent your emotions, have to quarrel with him, make trouble with him, crazy to ask for emotional value. Until the end the other party clearly said "I'm taking him and don't want to quarrel", you still don't adhere to it and give the other party a hat of "cold violence".
Excuse me, when you accuse the other party of cold violence, have you ever thought that you have been committing terrible verbal violence?
Why "usually his cold violence, often did not respond to what he said, came back to sleep." Occasionally rest you can sleep until noon, eat, play with your children for a while and sleep until dark, and then swipe your mobile phone at night", because it is really uncomfortable to get along with you. Once I talk to you, I will either be counted down by you, or poured cold water on you, chased by you and argued, or scolded by you pointing at your nose. Therefore, he must shield you as much as possible, stay away from you, and avoid communicating with you, so that he can breathe in this home and gain a moment of peace.
From what you said "what I want is your attitude" and "I said that my spiritual needs are far greater than material", it can be seen that you are an extremely greedy person for emotional values, and your husband can only meet your requirements if he kneels down to hold you fiercely.
But the question is, what are you going to give back to the other party after his attitude? Is it possible for you to lose 30 pounds with a "65kg" weight? Will you become gentle and considerate from then on? Wouldn't you be able to take care of all the chores without complaint? Will you succeed in your career and share all the achievements of your competition with him?
If you can't, then why should he give you this attitude, why should he try to meet your spiritual needs?
What's more, your husband has already given you an attitude, he said "I admit that I have a lot of problems, a lot of problems, slowly change it", this attitude is not good, what kind of attitude do you want? People say "change slowly", you say "don't pretend, don't embarrass yourself", say that the other party has a problem with you, sarcastic people don't embarrass themselves or you, what do you want?
You say that you want an attitude, but you get the other party's attitude, and you are not satisfied, aren't you still unforgiving, and have more requirements for him?
From the current situation, you don't need to consider whether to divorce or not, what you have to face is that your husband may divorce you at any time. As soon as a gentle and considerate girl appears next to him, or your mother-in-law says a few more words about yours, or one day he can't bear you, he will make up his mind. At that time, even if you are reluctant to divorce for the sake of your children, he will leave you with an iron heart and there is no room for redemption.
Now that it's open, the crowd is starting to flow again, and this day may come soon.
Old fans advanced
Question 3
(Source of the title of this issue)
Keyword: make money
Sister Doll and little assistant are good ~ I have learned a lot with you, so that I used to be an older leftover girl to gain a satisfactory husband, now we have a little baby, three people live happily, now watch micro-questions and answers every day, always remind themselves to stay awake and cherish the hard-won happy life.
I, 35 years old, height 164, 96 pounds, 211 books, annual income of 50,000, appearance after childbirth decline, 3-4 points, self-rated stone
Husband, 35 years old, height 168, weight 135 pounds, 985 masters, annual income of 35-400,000, 4-5 points, feel like a stone
The problem that has always bothered me: I have always been dissatisfied with my career and earning ability, and I have worked hard to prepare for many years, but unfortunately I won the first place in the last written test interview, but I did not pass the physical examination.
Now that I have passed the age of examination, I find that I am a small staff member with insufficient ability, and I may be laid off in the future, and I feel very insecure, and I practice calligraphy in private, thinking that if I am laid off in the future, I will become a calligraphy teacher, but now my words have not reached the level of being able to become a calligraphy teacher.
In fact, I often feel depressed, very confused and helpless about my crotch-pulling ability to make money, unwilling to fail so much in my career in this life, and also want to improve my earning ability to reduce the burden on my husband, can you give me some advice? Thank you very much!
answer
If your earning power is more crotch-pulling, you can work harder on the family, take care of the large rear of the family, and let your husband work hard with peace of mind, which is also a way to realize your self-worth, and it is also what many female stones are doing. As long as you can do what a stone should do, even if you can't make much money, your husband will protect you for a lifetime, which is how the marriage between men and women works. That's how we've been here for generations.
All girls who can't make money can ask themselves:
Are you cooking delicious enough? Will it be able to reach the sales level?
Have you obtained a valuable qualification in children's education?
Have you tidied up your home so that you don't let your husband come home and worry about trivial matters anymore?
Have you taken all the needs put forward by your husband to heart and met?
If not, then you know where you should go.
Finally, if your business is crotch-pulling and you are always unwilling, you can also make money by selling your time, for example, you can do a little side hustle. For example, there is a way to make money, it is to accompany pregnant women in the hospital, you can earn about 500 yuan in a day and a half, you can earn 2,000 yuan in that weekend, and 8,000 yuan a month can easily fall into your pocket.
In addition to this way, there are many kinds of money-making jobs, and if your goal is to earn more money for your family, it is not difficult. But if your purpose in making money is to break into the world and make others look at you, then this kind of work will not satisfy you.
In such cases, you have to consider the mismatch between your heart and ability.
Question 4
Keywords: last name
Hello little assistants.
I, working in the provincial capital city, 27,158,49kg,5k,undergraduate. The father is a state-owned enterprise, the mother is retired, 3 family qualification houses, 2 apartments, and 2 cars.
Boyfriend, working in a central enterprise in the city next door, alone, 27,170,68kg, 1w, graduate student, has a car and a house, parents make a down payment of 20%, the rest of the loan (public + business), the decorator loan 10w, the rest of the relatives borrow. Father village cadre, mother nursing home work.
The provincial capital house was rented out (under my name), and after marriage, my father promised me the rent, and the rent and the entire loan could be covered. High emotional concentration and willingness to give. Offline blind date platform teachers met each other, a year and a half, once in the middle of the week and together on weekends, after marriage, I came to work in the man's city, both parents have met, and they are expected to talk about marriage in the New Year.
After my previous relationship failed, I did offline emotional counseling, and was pointed out that the sense of boundaries was weak and my perception was poor, and the advantage of choosing a mate was an extrovert. After realizing that I am working hard to improve my problems, I met my favorite boyfriend, and the following troubles need the guidance of my baby sister, thank you.
1. Self-aware that stepping on a man's virginity is not a virgin, and the man has grievances and unfair emotions. Whether there is a high climb or not, how to pay attention after marriage.
2. Whether the baby can have a surname (strong father's will), the plan is the first child boy and the man, the second child regardless of male and female and female, if the first child female and female, the second child and the man. It is customary in the man's hometown to marry and each of them has a surname. When parents talk about marriage, whether it is appropriate to propose or reject the father outright, I think that getting a surname can get more women's family members.
answer
Men and women are not virgins, and the baby follows the mother's surname, which is a thorough recruitment of son-in-law. Since it is a son-in-law, the man who is willing to "marry in" will definitely not be the same as other men who normally marry their daughters-in-law, and you should have been mentally prepared for this.
For the son-in-law, there are two points to note:
1. Is this man willing to be a son-in-law for the rest of his life?
2. Can the benefits you get from your own family always stabilize your son-in-law?
In this relationship, if you want to get the other person's cutness, emotional value, baby's surname, and the light that occupies the male and female places, you will definitely have to pay some price beyond ordinary people. These are the same prices that men and women always have to go through, and I will not repeat them many times, as long as you are willing to accept it, then there is no problem.
If you change to other girls who ask questions, I may say: you say that you know that your sense of boundaries is weak and your perception is poor, which is a personality that is very easy to step on in the relationship, and it is recommended to improve your perception more and avoid entering the difficult road of male and female cloth.
But with your father's personality, as well as your own tendency to say something outside of words, even if you change individual objects, you will most likely go this way in the future, eating salted fish to quench your thirst.
Gao Pan, men and women are not virgins, want the baby's surname, these things add up, it is equivalent to stepping on the thunder all over again, if you and your father are to get a child with their own surname, then this is the upper limit you can get.
If you expect treatment in other conventional marriages, the relationship may be dying.
Question 5
Keywords: attribute incompatibility
Dear baby sister~ Thank you for always giving guidance to all the little fairies. Recently I also encountered a tricky problem that I couldn't understand and couldn't crack in my current situation.
Girls: 96 years, 173, 55. Alone, a bank officially compiled. Looks average.
Boys: 93 years, 188, 70. Alone, civil servant police. The appearance is handsome, and the body is burly.
During the contact, I have been cold and hot, sometimes exaggerated, sometimes not actively contacted for two weeks. I later felt that the other party was fishing, so I chose someone else to be with, during which he always cared about my boyfriend and what the other person did.
Some time ago, after I broke up, I took the initiative to inform me, and the two of them gathered and drank together. After the game, the two expressed their hearts to each other through the wine, he said that he liked us to talk, said that he liked me much more than I liked him, and later he said that I also agreed together.
The dramatic scene came, I thought I was in love for a few days, during which the emotional concentration was basically nothing, the daily is to check in (but it has been this state for a long time) and then I couldn't help but ask him if he really liked me, but I didn't expect that the other party actually said that he liked my face but didn't know enough about it, it was more important to talk, and when I was drunk and said that being together was too casual to count... In the end, the trouble broke up, and I deleted him.
I knew that I was seriously high in this relationship, and the PU might also explode. But is the other party's behavior honest or scum? How to avoid and better deal with this situation in the future.
answer
You look very beautiful, your appearance can enter the threshold of Internet celebrity, judging from your dress (in the photo you sent, one is wearing a tight sheer ultra-short cheongsam, and the other shirt is knotted to expose the waist and navel) and the style of doing things (after breaking up, take the initiative to inform the spare tire, party drinking, the other party's confession after drinking also immediately agreed), your PU is indeed high, belonging to a high MV high PU cutter woman.
The man's appearance is not bad at all, he looks quite handsome, from the relationship between the two of you "the emotional concentration is basically nothing, daily is to check in (but it has been this state for a long time)" and his "said that he likes my face but does not know enough, it is more important to chat, and when drunk said that they are too casual to count", this boy may be a stone man.
Cloth cutter women and stone men, it is difficult to have good results. He may be attracted to your outer cut at first, but after getting along, he will leave you sooner or later because he can't stand your inner cloth.
The attributes are incompatible, it's hard to go on, or don't put your mind on this boy anymore, you can't accept that he can't love you with all his heart, can you? You guys don't fit.