Wen | thirteenth sister
Immersed in learning Hopeless Unable to extricate myself, I feel a lot of adaptation these days, especially when I immediately received the homework notice of the second unit after handing in the first unit. This deadline is only 5 days left, so regular look, continue to hang the head beam cone strands, it's good.
But when I glanced at the content of this assignment, I didn't think I had to meet the deadline! I'll be able to hand it in right away!
Take a look at this topic:
"How to understand the nature of conflict in the family? Is the essence of these conflicts the topic of quarrels themselves or some function of conflict in family relationships?"
Isn't this just talking about husband and wife quarrelling, it just hit my muzzle, for me it belongs to the field of guaranteed 100,000+, it's easy to go.
Take a closer look, no, there are still in the job requirements:
"Please analyze the discussion from a functionalist perspective."
In an instant, I woke up, I didn't want to write an official number, I wanted to write homework... Then start, and then search the relevant literature, good guys, really rise the posture!
There is actually a journal article specializing in "why do two people quarrel".
Well, in front of academics, I'm still a rookie scum.
But to change my thinking, at least the teacher provided me with a public account topic while assigning homework.
It's not typical for me to hang up a number to see two diseases. Earned.
Since I have said this, marriage problems, husband and wife quarrel problems, such an interesting big topic, I am not sleepy, decided to use the psychological expertise I learned to talk about this matter, may not reduce the divorce rate, but is expected to lower your blood pressure.
My mentor told us that studies have shown a significant positive association between hypoglycemia and aggressive behavior in family conflict (Bushman, et al., 2014), that is, if one partner in a couple has low blood sugar, they are likely to have a higher frequency of conflict.
I think especially there are middle-aged mothers, often feel that they are easy to explode, always want to get angry, and worry that they will not play well when they quarrel, I suggest you might as well measure your blood sugar (I'll go tomorrow).
So the question is: as long as the husband and wife take more glucose and the blood sugar is not low, it is not easy for the two of you to quarrel?
The answer is obviously "no", otherwise the three high people will become model couples.
Therefore, saving a marriage cannot be achieved by taking glucose.
And then the good show came.
Psychology has ever liked its own people hitting its own people.
First of all, there is a school of psychology called "structuralism", which believes that human consciousness is determined by basic units, such as a neuron in your brain, or the glucose content of your body, which belongs to the constituent unit... To study these units is to study your consciousness. That hypoglycemic correlation is what this school does.
There is another school called "functionalism", which diss those structuralist experts from the beginning. And these bigwigs believe that the nature of human consciousness does not depend on its constituent units, but on its function (purpose).
In a marriage, from a structuralist point of view, low blood sugar can become the essence of a fight between you and your husband; But from a functionalist perspective, you two quarrel because your conscious function is not being satisfied.
Take an example. Han Meimei came home from work very tired and didn't want to take the baby, and complained a few words with her husband Li Lei, Li Lei said "don't nag", Han Meimei sneered, and said "I'm fine, thank you", waiting for the prelude to the quarrel to start at any time.
The essence of their quarrel is neither Han Meimei's low blood sugar, nor the lack of a gray matter layer symbolizing peace in her head, nor even that she has to ask her husband to finish taking up the child today.
The essence of the quarrel is Han Meimei's accumulated dissatisfaction with her husband who does not understand empathy and lacks care, as well as the frustration of the relationship that will quarrel as soon as the communication is reached. Many people live like this, although they often feel that this day cannot be lived, but "harm can be left"?
Therefore, if you want to save the marriage, you can't think about what is lacking from a certain constituent element, you must think about what is lacking from the function and purpose, what is missing to make up, and you must let these functions be realized, such as the husband should be considerate, caring, empathy, knowing the cold and knowing the heat, let Han Meimei enter the harbor of love as soon as she comes home, and realize the great harmony of the heart (can't make it up)...
Of course, women are the same, they need to be considerate, tolerant, empathetic, and give more straight men... In short, both parties have to meet each other's relationship needs.
Do you think about it, why can you and your boss get along peacefully, no matter how angry he is, you will not be angry, and you and your husband will always break out in war over a little thing that is not worth quarreling about at all?
The boss meets most of your needs (such as paying you a salary to support yourself, promoting and raising to satisfy yourself, and win-win cooperation to adapt you to the environment).
And touch your double chin and ask yourself: What does your husband satisfy you? So that little thing is just the fuse every time, and what really touches the consciousness is the long-term destroyed relationship function.
Eliminate the accumulated "relationship frustration" and the function of the relationship will be realized. If you can't eliminate this frustration, then it's better to try to treat your husband as a customer and change the relationship perception in order to change the relationship...
That's not what William James said, it's me who said it.
The next time you quarrel, save some tongue and don't chase after the little thing that fuses the quarrel, this is the bad habit of structuralism. You have to put your posture flat and say to the other person, "Which of your needs has not been fulfilled."
The famous "divorce cooling-off period", one of the main functions is to prevent you from making a divorce decision from a trivial matter. During that one-month cooling-off period, many people can really start to re-examine the function and find that each other can still meet each other's needs, so they don't leave... (The Civil Affairs Bureau has a psychology master)
Have you learned it?
After learning this knowledge point, I think it will be of great help to family relationships.
Because I feel like I won't be able to fight properly in the future.
Every time I am just about to quarrel, first ask myself if my blood sugar is low? Then go through the knowledge points in my head, float past a dozen philosophers and psychologists, and analyze from the perspective of functionalism, which purpose did I not achieve? Which feature is missing from my husband?
Then go through hundreds of theories and models one by one, dig into details, find angles, deeply explore the voice of the soul, and embrace the soul across latitudes... Thinking about it, 50 minutes have passed, I am already in a state of consciousness, the enemy army has fallen asleep, why did I quarrel just now?
Unconsciously, studying psychology makes it difficult to breathe in the abyss of thought, so we can't care about quarrelling.
More importantly, as long as you start to learn this, it will invisibly improve the family harmony, and your husband will take on all the housework and housekeeping at home, because you are really out of time.