In the variety show "The Boy Who Opened His Heart", Wang Yuran, an 11-year-old boy, said as soon as he opened his mouth: "I give my father 10 points", on the grounds that his father will always accompany him to play games.
Then he said, "I also have a bad mom who always manages me to play games and be nosy, and I give her a zero score." ”
What a stark contrast! Just because his father and mother had different attitudes towards Wang Yuran playing games, he completely denied his mother, and even shouted excitedly: "Zero points are not enough, and negative points should be scored." ”
It turned out that Wang Yuran's mother was usually very strict with him and would often yell at him.
And his mother did not allow him to play games, and even beat him and pinch him, which caused Wang Yuran to hate his mother more and more.
Her mother did not have time to accompany Wang Yuran because she was busy at work, and she was unwilling to talk to him because of her short temper, and her education level was not high, so Wang Yuran's evaluation of her mother was very negative.
He not only said with a straight face: "She is clumsy, she will not do anything, and she will add to the chaos."
He also accused his mother of "she is like a ball" because her mother is stronger.
It can be seen that the relationship between mother and son has been tense, the mother does not want her son to play games and simply and rudely manage him, and the son does not obey and says that the mother is not doing well.
In the long run, it is difficult to imagine what kind of flying child Wang Yuran will become, and it is even more difficult to imagine how mother and son should get along.
There is a saying in Buddhism that the fruit is from the cause, and the thing becomes the effect.
In the process of raising children, parents treat children in what way, children will treat parents in the same way, which is the so-called "planting melons to get melons and beans to get beans".
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In the variety show "Don't Underestimate Me", when three children fight because of the chair grab, the boy Lei Lei on the side suddenly shouts: "You five idiots, all get me out!" ”
The parents of all the children in the observation room were stunned, and Lei Lei's mother was even more embarrassed. No one expected Lei Lei to be so grumpy, and that the swear words were so righteous.
Under the guidance of the trainee instructor Wang Tao, Lei Lei said that this was what his mother said to him.
And mom not only says, "Get out," but also says, "Get out!" Vagabond!
It is because the parents say dirty words that the children will learn to say dirty words, which shows that the parents are not in place, and the negative impact on the growth of the child is really very large.
Last week, at dinner with friends, she told me about her relative's children, who had just graduated from junior high school, either shut themselves in their rooms all day and played games, or went out to play for days without coming home.
DaZhuang's parents are usually busy with business, giving him pocket money every day, letting him go to the snack bar to solve three meals a day, the results are not good, directly start beating, but the more you beat Dazhuang's results, the more the results decline.
DaZhuang who went to junior high school, skipping class and fighting is commonplace, his parents have also beaten and scolded, Dazhuang has not entered the oil and salt, and when he is complained by the teacher, he can only keep apologizing to the teacher, and the couple does not even have the energy to do business.
Friends said that the two relatives now have only one little hope, that is, the big man will not run into a big disaster and go to prison, it is really a poor person who must have something to hate, why did he know only to beat the child in the first place?
How many parents don't say that they are studying themselves, and even the basics of not scolding children and not hitting children can't do it, so children will be raised to be difficult to say, resulting in a rift between parents and children.
——- parents do what they do, the child will naturally ——-
There is a saying that the art of education is not about imparting skills, but about motivating, awakening and inspiring.
Parents are the guides on the child's growth path, when the child makes a mistake or does not perform well, the most important thing for parents is to tell the child what to do.
A user named "Li Shangyu Leon" said that he was once the worst student in a key middle school, and his parents were teachers at a key university, and there was a final exam in which he scored less than 60 points in his two main courses.
After Dad saw the report card, he was silent for a while and said, "I'll just ask you one sentence first, do you still want to learn?" Originally thinking that he could not escape being beaten, he plucked up the courage to say: "I want to learn." ”
Dad said, "If you want to learn, you learn for yourself, not for us." If you don't want to learn it, you can also say it directly, and we think of other ways. ”
After a thousand turns in his heart, he finally made up his mind to say that he "wanted to learn", and his father comforted him: "If you really want to learn, I am responsible for teaching you." But learning is your own business. Remember. ”
When he was finally admitted to the 211 key university, when he heard some classmates say that he was beaten by his parents without a full score, he was particularly grateful for his parents' tolerance of him and let him learn to take on his own life responsibilities.
Later, he became a father and understood that when children make mistakes, it is normal for parents to have emotions, but it is the child's luck to be able to control emotions and educate their parents in a more rational way.
We are parents for the first time, and children are also being children for the first time, but parents should understand better than children, and only when parents can understand and accept their children's imperfections can they make children more motivated to be positive.
Therefore, before we harshly criticize our children, please be sure to ask ourselves if there is anything we can't do, only in this way can parents and children work together to make progress together.
——- have good parents first, and then have good children--
Education scholar Yin Jianli told on Weibo that a mother heard a 3-year-old child say a dirty word, and she raised her hand to give the child a slap, on the grounds that the child should never be allowed to say dirty words, and bad things should be nipped in the bud.
What this mother does not understand is that a slap is worse than a dirty word, and parents use incorrect methods to educate their children, which is really difficult for children to bear, which will lead to children giving up on themselves.
If you want to have good children, you must first have good parents, and the following three points are encouraged by all parents:
First of all, do not hit or scold children, this is the bottom line of parents.
Our generation of young parents after the 80s and 90s, most of them grew up under the stick education of their own parents when they were young, and now of course they will unconsciously repeat the way their parents educate their children.
But we should realize that we are more cultured and patterned than our parents, children are more complex than the society we faced back then, and stick education has long been unsuitable for the trend of the development of the times.
As Yin Jianli said when criticizing stick education, it can be defined as follows: scolding children is incompetent education and shameless education.
Do not scold the child and do not hit the child, must become the bottom line of the parents, absolutely can not be crossed, to know that no matter what mistakes the child makes, there is always a better way to educate than scolding.
Second, do not be absent from growing up, this is the responsibility of parents.
"People's Daily" once published an article advocating "10 suggestions for fathers", one of which is "to be a 'father who is not absent'", in the child's birthday, parent-teacher conference, competition and other times, fathers must not be absent.
Even if you are silently in the audience, it is of great significance to the child, and it can make the child feel the love and attention of the father, which is a requirement for the father, and it is also a requirement for the mother.
"Poor Dad, Rich Dad" said that the so-called success is to have time to take care of children, because any professional role can be replaced, but the role of parents is irreplaceable.
No matter how difficult life is, parents must not be absent from the growth of their children, and only when the children feel enough love and security from their parents can they grow up with peace of mind.
Third, recognize the truth of life, which is the guidance of parents.
A few days ago, a father in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, found that his son was still playing games at three o'clock in the morning, and his father was not angry, but took his son to the vegetable market to see the real appearance of people who were running for life.
Parents should not only circle their children in the siege of learning, but often take their children to see the truth of the world, so that children can look forward to their own future from the days of fireworks.
The French writer Romain Rowland once said that there is only one kind of true heroism in the world, that is, after recognizing the truth of life, still love life.
Parents should understand that children have their own lives, leading children to find the direction of efforts in the process of growing up, which will make children live a more pragmatic and fulfilling life.