Sixth-graders watch "little": what kind of sex education should be given to children?

My son, who is in the sixth grade and is 12 years old, recently heard that a boy in his class has started to watch "little pornography". The children's mothers are generally shocked, and some even angrily kick their children out of the house. Obviously, this is not the best way to deal with it, and it will neither dampen the child's curiosity nor stop them from continuing to explore the issue. So it's better to be blocked, in essence, this is a problem of sex education, and what children need is guidance, not rudely interrupting the process.

Entering puberty at the age of 12 begins to undergo some physical and psychological changes, and being interested in the opposite sex is a normal part of a normal child. Parents don't have to worry too much about this, it's not interested that they should be worried. It's just that in our traditional concept of education, sex education is a shameful thing to talk about.

In school, the content of the book is too simple, and the teacher is embarrassed to expand on it, so it is generally for students to read the book by themselves. And this is not the focus of the exam, and the teacher will not assign homework to do some more detailed understanding. Therefore, there is a lack of sex education in schools, and if parents do not make up this lesson for their children at home, then where does the correct knowledge channel for children come from? If you don't do guidance, you are likely to be misled by the "little yellow film" and mistakenly think that the whole of sexual knowledge is the content of the "little yellow film".

Compared with the harm caused by parents who think that "little pornography", the harm caused by the lack of correct sexual knowledge and sexual protection may only be greater. According to a study by the Institute of Population Research of Peking University, "Basic Data Report of the Survey on Access to Reproductive Health of Chinese Adolescents" (2010), 22.4% of the adolescents surveyed had sexual experience, with the minimum age of first sexual activity being 12 years old and the median age being 20 years old.

The resulting problem of contraception is even more worrying, with surveys showing that more than half of these adolescents do not use any contraception for the first time, with the result that 21.3 per cent of sexually active girls have had a pregnancy and 4.9 per cent have had multiple pregnancies. The rate of multiple pregnancies among adolescents aged 15-19 years is higher than that of adolescents aged 20-24 years, while 90.9 per cent of female adolescents with unmarried pregnancies have had an abortion and 19 per cent of pregnant female adolescents have experienced multiple miscarriages.

This was still a study more than a decade ago, and the current situation may not be better.

Obviously, the issue of abortion among adolescents is closely related to the sexual knowledge (including sexual morality) of both parties. Behind this, it is precisely the lack of correct sexual knowledge and sex education and the inherent sexual morality education.

The report makes it clear that adolescents' overall knowledge of sexual and reproductive health is far from ideal. Only 4.4 per cent of the adolescents surveyed were able to answer the questions correctly in terms of sexual and reproductive health knowledge, unprotected sexual response, and HIV-related knowledge. Obviously, this data is in stark contrast to the level of effort the children put into their schoolwork.

With the advance of sexual maturity, children's curiosity increases, and they want to know about relevant knowledge, but they are embarrassed to ask their parents. The child is embarrassed, and the parents are embarrassed, and completely avoiding this problem is just blocking the problem and not really solving it and dealing with it. Children's sexual knowledge can only be learned through "little yellow films", which is obviously not enough and can be easily misleading.

Therefore, parents need to make up this lesson for their children, first of all, they need to let their children learn to protect themselves and have a clear understanding of sexual safety. And let the child know that the body is his own, and he has the right to refuse clearly at any time. Respect your own and others' bodies, privacy, and personal space, and learn to reject inappropriate contact, words and actions.

When you don't agree, you don't agree, don't be fooled by any rhetoric, love or not love doesn't need to be proven through sex. Anyone who touches their private parts without permission should explicitly refuse to do so, and inform their parents of what happened as soon as possible. Parents should also be aware of possible indecent or sexual assault, such as having to go home after dark, trying not to go out alone at night, etc.

Secondly, it is the most basic physiological and hygienic common sense and protective measures. In fact, there are many popular science videos about the human reproductive system, from the structure of the human body, to how sperm and eggs meet, and then how to develop into adults, which are explained in great detail. This kind of popular science video, without any provocative pornography, is very suitable for children to watch, understand and discuss with children, and there is no embarrassment.

The slightly embarrassing part may be about sexual intercourse, and this part of the knowledge is actually the part that does not need to be explained by the parents, and needs to be left for the children to explore on their own in the future. This part is more important than sexual moral education, so that children understand that sex is a serious matter, and under this premise or way, there is a technical problem: how to do a good job of protective measures, such as how to take contraceptive measures correctly, what are the consequences of not using contraceptive methods, and so on.

Both boys and girls should let them know that unwanted pregnancy and abortion are very harmful to the body, and there are some diseases that are transmitted through sexual contact, and if no protective measures are taken, once the infection can affect the whole life. Fully explain these consequences, so that children can learn to clean themselves and love themselves, and do not bury hidden dangers for stealing forbidden fruits. Of course, this is not to encourage them to taste the forbidden fruit, but to teach them the right knowledge of protection and learn to protect themselves at critical moments.

Last but not least, education on sexual morality. It is necessary for children to know that sexual impulses and sexual behaviors are an instinct of human beings as animals, and they are also the only way for human beings to survive and reproduce. But at the same time, we should let children know that the reason why people become human beings is because they have the ability to restrain their impulses and desires, and the relationship between sex and love, procreation, marriage and family should also be clearly explained, which is one of the cornerstones of civilization, and a large part of the morality of this society is related to this. Sexual repression is not advisable, but sexual indulgence is also not advisable, so that children should have a clear understanding of some trends of thought such as sexual freedom, and the other side of freedom is responsibility, not disregard for responsibility and consequences. Attitudes towards sexuality are a matter of fundamental values that cannot be ambiguous.

On this basis, the most basic legal knowledge is also disseminated. For example, sexual activity must be consensual and respectful, without any coercion or coercion. Another example is what does sexual consent mean under the law, what is the age at which sexual consent can be accurately expressed, and what are the legal consequences if it is not consensual.

And if you talk about the age at which sex happens, parents probably don't encourage their children to have sex early. In this case, my advice is to at least tell the child to be at least 18 years old and into adulthood, more physically and mentally, and more aware of the responsibilities and consequences of having sex, rather than acting impulsively.

In order to avoid embarrassment, when talking about these issues, it is best for the father to talk to the boy, and the mother to talk to the girl, without being too formal, find a suitable scene, and when the two people are alone, quietly open the topic, and say what should be said and remind the reminder.

But even after talking to your child about the above points, the problem of your child watching "little yellow films" is likely to be unavoidable. The "little yellow film" itself is different from the popular science video, it has pornographic and provocative elements, and the child's curiosity about knowledge is satisfied, but he will still be attracted by the teasing of this "little yellow film". The specific treatment of this problem depends on the psychological tolerance of different parents, some parents will watch and participate in the discussion with their children, and some parents may choose to avoid this situation as much as possible. But parents don't need to be too anxious, and the harm of "little yellow films" itself is not so serious.

• (This article is the author's personal opinion and does not represent the position of this newspaper)

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Editor-in-charge: Chen Bin