Children's adolescence is also the parents' menopause, contradictions and conflicts contain the "power of the flood" of children's growth, and the parents' guidance is the key. Adolescence involves a lot of exploration and change in the human brain and physical and mental level, and it is not less meaningful to a person's life than early childhood.
At this stage, we will have two general changes. The first is development, where we begin to feel a huge change in the body and a violent fluctuation of emotions. The second is to start separating from parents and interacting more with peers. Some argue that this geographic migration has biological benefits because it makes relatives less likely to have similar genes.
For individuals, adolescence is a confusing stage. You're no longer a child, but you're not yet an adult. Physically, you have to deal with unfamiliar, maturing bodies and intense but shameful sexual desires. Psychologically, you want to be independent, but you have to be attached to your parents and family. The family seems to revolve around you, but many times you have no right to decide, not even the right to know.
Socially, on the one hand, you begin to want to be involved, and on the other hand, you don't know anything about society. The real world opens the curtain to you, and what you see is not the rose garden that your parents once promised, but a dark and unknown forest; your life seems to have infinite possibilities, but it is limited everywhere. Some things that you think are extremely important, about freedom and dignity, are only pretentious and funny in the eyes of your parents.
You want a sea of stars, but you can only face an endless sea of problems every day. For the first time, you have to face many of life's problems: What should I do? Who should I love? Why am I here? Who am I? However, these questions are often not answered.
A child, who should have gradually acquired more and more abilities and independence as he grew older, and in the process separated from his parents and formed himself. But now, those steps seem to have been omitted from safety and academic concerns. From childhood to adolescence, it is increasingly like a race of achievement, and without the participation of parents, it seems that children cannot have any real achievements. Parents are overly involved in their children's lives, of course, there is love behind it, but more often than not, fear that children will not be able to live a successful life. But what exactly is a successful life?
According to the American psychologist Erik Erikson (1902-1994), in adolescence we experience one of the most disturbing identity crises/roles in our lives. In the parents' almost complete control and arrangement of their children's lives, it is the deep confusion of adolescent children - why can I only live this life?
Therefore, parents of children who encounter adolescence should talk less and do more.
First of all, parents should respect their children, respect is an easy word, but it is really difficult to do. Respect refers to the acceptance of differences. Parents should listen, respect, maintain an appreciation for their children's independence, and not give their children too much immediate help.
Parents should maintain understanding and acceptance of the boundaries of adolescent children, such as allowing the collision and exchange of different ideas, using appreciative language, rather than directly giving us adult criticism or judgment for some seemingly naïve or naïve thoughts of children.
Parents should not be too anxious, when the child is in adolescence, parents will have internal anxiety and are unwilling to let the child be independent, because it will trigger the fear of parents being abandoned. As parents, we must respect and meet the needs of children for independence in adolescence.