Remember your first experience with a gynecologist?
When Sheila Delitz was a 17-year-old girl, she went to the gynecologist for the first time. Even though 36 years had passed, she still remembered everything vividly: she had the courage to ask the doctor two questions, but she didn't get any answers, and the gynecologist was cold and impatient. In the 1980s, when people were still very conservative, this seemed to be the general attitude of gynecologists: inconsiderate and unfriendly. Until now, for reasons such as stereotypes, taboos, or shame, many people still dare not ask questions when facing gynecologists.
When Delitz decided to become a gynecologist, she realized that doctors shouldn't do that. Delitz set herself a goal: to teach her gynecological knowledge to everyone in plain language, so that they can feel at ease and comfortable, "If gynecologists don't do this science, who else can do it?" She realized that most women have a very limited understanding of gynecological knowledge, their attitude towards their own body is uncertain, many specious statements have taken root in their hearts since childhood, and the attitude of secrecy has been passed down from mother to daughter and from generation to generation.
To that end, Delitz launched an "Enlightenment" campaign on the female body, answering many of the questions women were concerned about and forming a book called Body by Me: Everything About the Great Female Body. The following is our interview with her.
Sheila de Liz, MD, has her own gynecological obstetrics clinic in Wiesbaden, Germany, has more than 30 years of scientific research and clinical experience, has been invited to participate in the recording of health programs on television and radio stations, is a well-known women's health science expert, known as "people's ideal gynecologist".
Don't pass on shame and fear to the next generation
Beijing News: What makes you want to be a gynecologist? What does an "ideal gynecologist" need to do?
Sheila Delitz: When I went to school, I knew I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to do something very meaningful that was essential. I also know that I want to help women at every stage of their lives.
At first, I thought I should be a psychotherapist for women. But because I like to find and provide quick solutions to problems, and because the whole field of childbirth is fascinating, I became a gynecologist. One of the best things is that there are patients of all ages who I can accompany through different stages of life.
It's important for me to understand patients and understand their condition, and to invite them to participate in their own health management, rather than being condescending.
I've also learned that being a good doctor often means shutting your mouth and listening to your patients – after all, we learn the most from our patients.
A good gynecologist must first accept himself so that he can be truthful; second, be an empathetic person who understands that patients may be too embarrassed and not ask accurate questions; and third, when explaining problems to patients, he must throw out "the doctor's words". If we want to be a good gynecologist, we need to be willing to teach our patients so that they can better understand the treatment options we give.
Beijing News: In the book "Body by Me", you mentioned that the study of gynecological physiological knowledge should begin before women enter puberty, but most women's attitude towards their bodies is uncertain, and there should be no secrets that only gynecologists know. So, can you give the girls some advice to their parents from the doctor's point of view?
Sheila Delitz: It can be stressful to "talk" to adolescent girls, especially if we're adults confused about our gender.
The Body by Me: All About the Remarkable Female Body, by [de] Sheila Delitz, illustrated by Louisa Stormer, translated by Ma Xinhu, Beijing Science and Technology Press, December 2021 edition.
Many times, the content of "sex education" in schools is more about reproductive biology than about sex.
We first need to delve into ourselves and find areas where we feel embarrassed, probably something we've been carrying since childhood. Unhealthy notions about our bodies and female sexual characteristics do more harm than good, and it's time to let these false systems of notions disappear so that we don't pass on shame and fear to the next generation.
I strongly believe that the way female sexuality and female pleasure work should become common sense for all adults. Both men and women can benefit from this knowledge and lead to happier marriages and healthier sexual exchanges.
Treating menopause as an insult is the result of patriarchal ideas
Beijing News: As a gynecologist, you have more than 30 years of research and clinical experience. Of all the problems you've encountered in the past that are related to women's bodies, which ones are women more concerned about?
Sheila Delitz: Women are very concerned about fertility, contraception, and the mysteries of hormones in the body, and they also worry about their role as a female partner, whether they behave like they "should" in intimate relationships. There are also many women who suffer from low libido and want to solve this problem.
Beijing News: In the topics that women are ashamed to talk about, which do you think are the most not to be ignored?
Sheila Delitz: That's not a very easy question to answer. Because this is too much! If I could only pick a few.
The first is that women must understand menopause. Not only are the many rumors surrounding menopause that hundreds of women suffer unnecessarily day by day, but menopause and hormone deficiencies can also bring a series of problems that seriously affect women's health thereafter, most of which can be prevented.
Second, the pain in sex is not normal and should not be endured.
Third, women's sexual activity is actually well understood, and you just need the right information.
Stills from the movie "Fragments of a Woman".
Beijing News: In many cultures, people do not take menopause seriously, or even regard it as an insult. What can we do to change bias?
Sheila Delitz: Menopause is seen as an insult because there are two visions of the role women play in life: one is to be beautiful, to attract husbands, and to serve them by remaining beautiful; the other is to have children.
Under this patriarchal view, as soon as menopause arrives, these are all over and women no longer have any meaning. She became an "empty nest" woman and was very sad. This way of thinking is extremely outdated and very harmful to women. What's more, it's a very ridiculous fallacy: women stay healthy longer, live longer, live better than they did twenty or thirty years ago, and many of them find new strength during menopause.
When a woman enters perimenopause (menstruation begins to become irregular), she is about 45 years old. By today's standards, she lived only half of her life. Many women make a big discovery after entering menopause: their lives are not "over" at all, and there are new, exciting parts just beginning. Freed from the burden of carrying children and still able to work professionally, a woman will find herself like a boxer with weight training: now that the weight is removed, she has double her strength. There is now a new group of women, ready to challenge the world and chase their dreams.
I liken menopause to a tunnel where you can regain confidence and strength, and at the end of the tunnel you will be the woman you've always wanted to be. We middle-aged women are now leading by example, teaching young women not to be afraid of menopause, but to prepare for a new magical phase in their lives.
I'm going to tell someone who's a first-time mom: Do what you think makes sense
Beijing News: Menstruation is also one of the most distressing problems for women, especially for people with painful menstruation.
Sheila Delitz: First of all, dysmenorrhea must be taken seriously.
Women always hear people say "don't complain" and that pain is "normal". There has never been a "one-size-fits-all" solution to dysmenorrhea. Oral contraceptives do work, but if a woman doesn't want to take it, she has to take painkillers before the pain is unbearable, and taking painkillers as early as possible is key, but as women we often don't realize this: we wait, cover our stomach with a thermos, and try to exercise. But it's really important to take painkillers as early as possible.
It is also important to know that severe menstrual pain can be a symptom of endometriosis, which can cause serious damage to the pelvic organs and greatly reduce the quality of life. That's why we pay attention to dysmenorrhea – the longer you delay diagnosing endometriosis, the more harmful it becomes.
Beijing News: You also mentioned fertility just now. Being a mom is both an exciting moment and a life-changing experience. While trying to adapt to new tasks and new skills as moms, a mix of physiological, hormonal, and emotional changes can be overwhelming for many women. Some changes are temporary, but some may be permanent. Do you have any advice to tell new moms? What do we need to consider when choosing between caesarean section and natural delivery?
Sheila Delitz: One of the most important messages I get is, do what I think is best.
So I'm going to tell someone who's a first-time mom: Do what you think makes sense. Every mom and every child is an individual, and everyone's situation is different. Some generations may support breastfeeding, while others may not enjoy doing so. In Germany, there are many people who think that children need to stay at home with their mothers for three years, while those who work can only stay at home for a few months. The key is to make a decision and have the confidence to stick with it. Of course, there will always be a lot of people who want you to believe that your decision was wrong because they didn't. Leave them alone, you know your baby best.
Stills from the movie "Daughter in the Shadows".
The choice between caesarean section and natural childbirth is also personal. Contrary to what some people think, caesarean section is not the "easy way out.". A caesarean section is also painful for a while. So I keep saying that having a baby is painful – both before and after birth.
Another important piece of advice is to protect your own time and space during the first three months of childbirth: this means sleeping, and while your baby is asleep, don't think about entertaining guests or being the perfect host. It's ridiculous, especially if your baby hasn't slept yet and you're going to have to feed all day. Both you and your baby need time to rest and spend together. So, if necessary, politely turn away visitors and friends and family unless they can really help you share your worries.
Learn and understand the great secrets of the female body so that women are seen and recognized
Beijing News: For women, the book "Body by Me" involves a lot of body knowledge. Why would you want to write such a book?
Sheila Delitz: My mother was a single widow, I was the youngest of three sisters, and I was a gynecologist, so I often felt like I should spend more time with women and help them.
When I became a gynecologist, I noticed that many women, no matter how well educated and powerful they were, were still trapped in shame, pain, and lack of basic knowledge of women's physiology when they had to face their bodies.
Part of the reason is that women's bodies are often embarrassing, and no one has told them about it properly. I always say, I'm not the smartest person in the world, you can learn what I can learn; you can understand what I can understand. But for this knowledge to reach everyone, it needs to be explained in easy-to-understand language, not in the words of medicine. My specialty is to wrap knowledge and facts in fun and simple language that makes you giggle. After all, you laughed and learned!
The book immediately hit the best-seller list. On the street, in the store, I've met strangers who have come up to me and tell me that the books I've written have changed their lives. Women across Germany – and some men – have written to me thanking me for speaking openly about these things in simple language, reading without shame or overprofessionalism.
I hope this book can become a lifelong "guidebook" for the female body, allowing readers to learn and understand the big secrets of the female body, and ultimately for women to be seen and recognized.
Stills from the cartoon "Free Them".
Beijing News: You mentioned in the book that all the words related to "female organs" are a bit negative in German.
Sheila Delitz: Maybe there will be some exceptions in Scandinavian countries, but I think, indeed, so far, women's physiology has always been overlooked and even demonized. When we were little girls, we knew that our female organs could not be touched, and it smelled strange, and this organ was disgusting, very scary, as if it were some other living thing. Once we realize that all physiology is normal and acceptable, we can begin to understand our own body and get along with every part of it.
Beijing News: Is there any country that has done a better job in this regard?
Sheila Delitz: I'm surprised that most gynecological medicine societies still don't agree that the clitoris has any importance or medical significance. Many gynecologists still think of the clitoris as a miniature penis that exists only on the surface of a woman's body. In fact, the clitoris also has a large part in the body, which is the anatomical "twin" of the penis: all the erectile tissues of the penis can be found around the female vulva.
Again, I believe that the Scandinavian countries are more progressive than other countries, and perhaps France. But looking at the world, as human beings, we still have a long way to go in order for female physiology to become common knowledge.
I have been called "Joan of Arc of Menopause"
Beijing News: The outbreak of the new crown epidemic has changed a lot of things. From a gynecologist's perspective, what impact does this have on women?
Sheila Delitz: A lot of women are more focused on hormonal health than they used to be.
The stress and disruption of life from covid-19, isolation and panic have led to poor sleep, unhealthy eating habits and strained relationships. Women need help to break the cycle of stress.
We keep telling women to exercise more, eat healthy, and reduce stress. But in fact, women sometimes just need to help deal with the burden of housework, children, work, mother-in-law relationship, etc. If we don't ask for help, we don't get help, and we burn out chemically – when all the stress hormones dominate, we run out emotionally, physically, and hormones.
Beijing News: What have you been busy with lately? What's next?
Sheila Delitz: I'm writing my third book! This book is about adolescent girls. Over the past year, I've done a lot of research and learned a lot with my adolescent daughter – kids are growing up in a fanatical new age of the Web, and we as parents need new guide books to refer to.
My second book, Women on Fire: the fabulous menopause, has been on the German bestseller list for a year and a half, and I'm still busy promoting awareness of menopause – I've been called "Joan of Arc of Menopause". I spend most of my time writing, caring for my adolescent children, media work, and patient counseling.
I think I was impressed by a question asked by a reporter who asked me how I came up with the idea of selling my books to women under the age of 60 – he felt that hormone problems only started in their fifties! I was dumbfounded and he was confused, so I told him that hormone problems might start when women were around thirty-five, so my book was basically useful for women of all ages. He thought only older women would have hormonal problems! This question shows how big the world's misconceptions about women really are.
Dear Chinese readers, it is a great honor for me to be your personal guide to your wonderful female body, or even to make you love yourself a little more than before. Life is so short, how can we not cherish the miracle that Mother Nature has given us – remember, your body is a wonderland!
The title image is from the stills of the movie "Fragments of a Woman".
Written | Ho An Ann
Edit | Qingqingzi and Luodong
Proofreading | Liu Baoqing