Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
Hello everyone, I'm Themi Mom~
Now the elderly with a baby, has been a way that many young families like to see.
However, rather than letting the grandmother bring the baby, many young mothers are more willing to let the mother-in-law help with the child, and the reason for this choice, in the eyes of many young mothers, is because it can avoid some mother-in-law contradictions to the greatest extent.
Moreover, more importantly, the mother-in-law helps to bring the baby, and it may be more harmonious and natural to get along.
However, under the influence of traditional ideas, in some families, although it is very hard for grandmothers to bring their babies, they are often given the role of "outsiders", while some grandmothers who have not brought children should become "families" who are closer to their children.
01. "Obviously, my grandmother took care of me, why do you want me to be more filial to my grandmother", Bao Dad replied too realistically
Since her friend Xiaoya gave birth to a child, her mother is taking care of her and the child, and the child's grandmother rarely intervenes.
And a recent incident has brought Xiaoya's relationship with her husband down to the freezing point.
It turned out that one night, XiaoYa's husband was telling the child a bedtime story, saying that the child should be grateful to his parents and filial piety to the elderly, Bao's father borrowed the topic to play and told the child: "You must be more filial to Grandma in the future."
Unexpectedly, the child looked at his father and asked, "Obviously, my grandmother takes care of me every day, why should I be more filial to my grandmother?"
After thinking about it for a while, Bao Dad replied to the child very seriously: You see, you have the same surname as your father, and your father was born and raised by your grandmother, so do you want to be more filial to your grandmother?
And these conversations just let Xiao Ya hear, which really made her very angry: "Aren't you misleading the baby by teaching your children like this?" Filial piety to the elderly is no problem, but why do you have to divide the high and low? My mother often takes the baby, does not ask for a penny, your mother has two hands and a stall, so my mother deserves to suffer and suffer"?
In the face of Xiao Ya's anger, Xiao Ya's husband also suddenly began to launch a machismo temper, and quickly hit back: "Since ancient times, it has been like this, women are not married to the in-laws' family, then the child does not naturally have to be related to the in-laws" ?
Xiao Ya was infuriated by her husband's remarks, and simply stopped arguing with her husband, and the relationship between the two became very strange.
In fact, I have to say that Xiao ya's husband's statement is too realistic, and such concepts and ideas are really not conducive to the growth of children, and even more detrimental to the harmony of the family, which is also a huge blow to the children's grandmother.
02. So why do some people think that the child's grandmother is an outsider and the grandmother is the family?
The reason why in the eyes of some people, there are such ideas and concepts, in the final analysis, is that traditional concepts are at work.
First of all, in the traditional concept, the woman belongs to "marriage".
That is to say, the marriage of the woman and the man belongs to the woman married into the in-laws' family, so it is necessary to integrate more into the man's family, so from this point of view, after the husband and wife have children, the man also occupies the control, and the children are naturally closer to the grandmother.
Secondly, in the traditional concept, children are "passed on from generation to generation".
In the traditional concept, the most important thing for a family is the continuation of heirs, and in general, the so-called "succession" mainly refers to the man's family, since it is the man's "incense", then the child's grandmother, who is closer to the man, is naturally closer to the child.
Finally, there is the "inequality between men and women" factor.
Although we have been emphasizing equality between men and women now, many men still have machismo, and even the idea of "male higher than female low".
Therefore, in this case, the men in this kind of family often have "natural superiority", so that because of this "superiority" of the child's father, it gives the child's grandmother more privileges.
However, once we have this kind of thinking, and the grandmother and grandmother have to be separated from each other, on the one hand, it is very selfish, on the other hand, it is not conducive to the growth of the child and the harmony of the family.
03. What are the effects of separating grandma and grandma from each other?
Affect family harmony
Once parents bring some conscious guidance to their children that are "distant and close", it is bound to increase the tension of the whole family.
Especially for grandma, obviously she has paid so much at home, there is no gratitude not to say, and she will be very aggrieved if she does not make a contribution.
So over time, the family will definitely be upset, it will be more awkward to get along, and even more conflicts will break out, just like the situation of my friend Xiaoya.
It is not conducive to the establishment of children's family concept
The correct concept of family affection is that both grandma and grandma are the closest people to the child, and when the child grows up, he should be filial and filial to all equals.
However, if parents instill the concept of "unfairness" in their children, then the children may have a certain deviation in their understanding of "family affection", and the children will ignore the efforts of their elders without independent judgment.
Affects the relationship between children and the elderly
The elderly are hurting the child, whether it is the grandmother or the grandmother, the treatment of the child is naturally held in the palm of the hand, but if the parents deliberately mislead the child, the child lacks judgment, it must be in the relationship with the elderly, there are some hostile gestures, over time, it is easy to make the elderly sad.
04. Words to Parents:
In fact, some parents pretend to be clever in "exalting and degrading", which is difficult to influence their own judgment.
Because children are very sensitive to the perception of love, they clearly know who is good for themselves and who loves them the most.
Therefore, parents actually do not have to use some ways to mislead their children.
In addition, guiding children to educate the elderly and learn to respect and honor the elders is a matter of reproach, and it is also a compulsory course in the process of children's growth, but if in the matter of "filial piety to the elderly", it is also necessary to divide the relatives and nobles, then such an education method must be a failure, and it will inevitably bring wrong guidance to the child.
It is even said that when the child grows up, this misleading will also bring bad reactions to the parents themselves.
Therefore, grandma and grandma are just different in title, they are the closest people to the child, there is no need to compare, because she loves Ben pricelessly.