Often there are parents in the background message, saying that they do not know how to communicate with their children, always do not say two sentences, there is nothing to say, and then ask the child is still bored; and some parents say that the work is too busy, and when there is time to chat with the child, the child is always silent.
In fact, these problems are all about how parents should communicate with their children skillfully so that children can accept them. Today, I would like to share with you a teacher who recorded his "disobedience" days, hoping to inspire the majority of parents
01
On the bus today, there was a mother helping her daughter review her English. Mom said Chinese, the girl translated into English, some talked and laughed. The girl translated very well, and as an English teacher, I couldn't help but want to praise her, and such a picture appeared in a hurry morning, which made people feel envious.
But at this time, the girl could not turn out a sentence, and her mother said a word, which suddenly lowered the original warm atmosphere to the freezing point. The girl's mother said, "I don't know this? Yesterday's lesson did not review it, I know to play..." The little girl hurriedly defended: "Mom, I was yesterday..."
Before he could finish speaking, he was severely reprimanded by his mother, and there was no room for the child to refute it. Until I got out of the car, the girl didn't say a word. I know, this mom put the sky chatting to death. In fact, this situation is not uncommon in many families.
02
My dad is also such a parent, who can always talk about the day to death in one sentence. In my family, my dad always had the initiative to speak. In front of him, I rarely had the opportunity to speak.
For a while, it was particularly popular in schools to fold stars, folding hundreds of them in a glass bottle. The students all said that this was a wish bottle, full of stars for the birthday person, then his wish could be fulfilled.
Junior high school teenage girls believed in this the most, so I bought a lot of colored paper with folded stars, and I thought of folding stars for my father's birthday when the gift was given to him.
During those days, I was fascinated by folding stars! Fold after class, fold in class, and secretly fold when you come home from school! Finally, one day, my behavior completely angered the teacher, who criticized me in public and went to the parents. My dad led me home on his way home and criticized me vigorously! I wanted to explain, but I didn't even have a chance to speak.
My dad's words made me completely sad and cried all the way home. He said: "You don't make excuses for yourself, you don't think about studying all day, you know how to do useless things, no wonder your grades will regress." ”
In the end, the wish bottle that was not yet filled with stars could not be delivered, and together with the birthday card, I hid it under the bed permanently...
It wasn't until college that one day I received a message from my dad who said:
Xiao Xi, today with your mother to clean up the room for you, from under the bed out of a glass bottle, remember at that time, dad also scolded you for this matter, I hope not to make you sad for a long time... Dad owes you a word, I'm sorry, and also, Dad loves you too, Dad really likes this birthday present.
When I was walking on the road, when I saw this text message, the tears couldn't stop flowing, and I cried and laughed, and my roommates said I was stupid. They don't know, Daddy's one sentence I love you too, how long I've been waiting.
I always thought he didn't love me that much, but I didn't expect it, just because he said a lot of things, but he didn't say he loved me; just because he patronized and told me what to do, what to do, but forgot to hear what I wanted to say.
So, you see, parents know how to listen to their children, how important!
03
Every child, who comes into this world, longs to be listened to by his parents all the time. Like adults, when listened to, children feel respected, accepted, and feel secure in the world.
A child with a sense of security is a happy child.
To be truly good for him is to respect his right to express and choose. Many parents, like my dad, always make decisions for their children and say, "I'm all for your own good." Because I know firsthand how much this practice hurts my children, I don't want to be another "my dad".
Therefore, after I started a family, I learned to listen more to what my child wanted to say and encourage him to express his opinion. Any decision, from what school to attend, to what to eat tonight, I will listen to his opinion.
I always told him, "Mom may not take your advice, but Mom respects your right to speak and will do my duty to listen." ”
When a child makes a mistake, he should give the child a chance to express it. Many parents say that as soon as I saw him make a mistake, I couldn't help but scold him. This is clearly because you don't know how to control your emotions, and even if your child is wrong, you must give him a chance to talk about why you are wrong.
The result of not expressing it to the child is that I have worked hard to prepare a birthday present for my father, but my father thinks that his daughter is not doing her job.
I think that no parent wants to have a grudge with their children. So when your child makes you angry, give yourself and your child a cool time, and you can let your child stay on his own for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, when we have digested our negative emotions, when the child has calmed down, we will listen carefully to the child's true thoughts.
Only if you give him the opportunity to speak will he respect the right of others to speak; only if you become an obedient parent, he can become an obedient child.
Parent-child communication is a practice, and we are all practitioners on this path. Whether it is a new parent or a parent who has been a parent for many years, it can be said that the road to family communication is a long way to go. But if we can master some communication skills and pay more attention to the way we speak, the distance between us and our children will be closer, and many family conflicts will be solved.
When your child is "disobedient", you can try the following methods
Don't think of questioning as a chat, learn to talk
Whenever the child comes home and asks you what you're eating tonight, what's your reaction?
A sentence that many parents blurt out is: "Are you done with your homework?" Did the results of the last test come out? ”
We always talk to the child in the form of questioning, and when we say such words, if we are careful, we will find that the child's emotions have plummeted, and we pout and say, "Don't you just ask?" And he said me, can't I do it now? ”
As a result, when the child first entered the house, the atmosphere of happiness and harmony was gone, and the child's enthusiasm for learning was gone. In the eyes of children for a long time, learning is for their parents, and the efficiency and effect are greatly reduced.
In fact, if you think about it, it's not that the child doesn't want to write homework, but he left you for a day, and the first moment he came home, he wanted to talk to you, and your questioning made them have no mood to continue, and when they remembered to talk to him about their hearts, they had turned us away.
Don't think of questioning as a chat, come home, a smile, a response, maybe better, even make the child fall in love with learning.
Don't be in a hurry to deny your child, learn to empathize
Parents also make another mistake when chatting: rushing to deny their children. When the child makes a suggestion, he subconsciously denies the child, but this denial does not bring about a change in the result, but destroys the relationship with the child, and there is no benefit.
So, when they make a request to us, they might as well understand his ideas before making a decision.
In this way, the child is often more receptive to our suggestions and is closer to the child.
Don't just talk about preaching, learn to listen
When we want to convey some life experience to our children, remember to turn a corner when speaking, don't be too blunt, don't open your mouth: "You should learn first", let the child speak out better.
We, as parents, must know how to let the child speak, and we ourselves must know how to listen.
When children talk to me, they may just want to find someone to talk to, and if we are lucky enough to be that listener, please don't let blunt preaching ruin the intimacy between us and the child, it is better to listen than to talk.
Don't just know how to clash in person, learn to "opportunistically"
If we can't control our emotions when communicating with our children, we may be able to take advantage of it and not talk in person.
Writing letters to children, many people should forget this way of communicating now. But in fact, writing a letter can make us calm down, and some words, the effect of writing down and saying them are completely different. When we want to get angry with our children, we might as well sit down and write a letter or leave a note for our children.
Or, deliberately leave the diary in the living room and let the children see it. When you see your record of his little to nodal records from childhood to adulthood, the child's heart should only be moved.
Don't be reasonable in any situation, learn to find the opportunity
When there are outsiders, don't reason with your children. Educating children in public, whether it is a tough attitude or a good inducement, the child will not accept it, because he will feel faceless.
Think about when we were young, didn't we have good looks? So, give the child some dignity, there is something, let's go home and talk about it.
Now many parents are very busy at work and have little time to spend with their children, so the time to eat has become the "golden time" for parents to educate their children.
But the truth is that this practice not only has no educational significance, but also affects the child's appetite, hurts the body, and makes the child feel that eating with parents is a very painful thing.
Why not wait for the child to stop, and then two people sit down to talk seriously, the time to communicate about this matter also needs to be chosen.
The ultimate goal of education is not to make children obedient, but to let children grow up on their own. Let the child go out of their own way instead of walking the old path of their parents.
Source: Education Family Education Public Account, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.