The Gessel Institute for Child Development at Yale University has tracked children for more than 40 years, investigating the physical, psychological needs, and behavioral changes and development of children aged 1-14.
These elite results can help parents truly understand their children: know what their children really need, and how to raise truly excellent and happy children.
Many parents will have doubts and worries of one kind or another at all stages of their children's growth:
Why not be as obedient as before?
Why not be as lively as before?
Why did you start lying?
Why is academic performance getting worse?
Why don't you love to communicate with me?
Why don't you love people anymore?
Why do you just focus on playing games all day?
.......
The countless "whys" that these children are growing up with, we often don't understand.
This article is believed to help parents, from now on, truly "read" their children, know their children's physical needs, psychological needs, internal needs changes, and behavioral changes in various periods.
With understanding and love, cultivate better children!
01
1 year old to 2 1/2 years old
"Harmony Period" and "Stubborn Period"
We always say: It is important for children before the age of 3. Although children rarely remember things under the age of 3 when they grow up.
However, the facts show that the experience under the age of 3, even if the child does not remember, will have a huge impact on the child's life.
Around the age of 1.5 to 2.5 years old, the child will repeatedly shuttle between the "harmony period" and the "stubborn period". Because the child grows rapidly at this time, these cycles are relatively short.
At this time, children, give more companionship and attention, the child's sense of security will be satisfied, laying a good foundation for future character development.
02
2 years old
The word "no" is the head, rolling and playing tricks
Obstinate, possessive, selfish and domineering
In fact, these behaviors of children are only because: children begin to have self-awareness, will, and intentions. But they don't know how to express themselves, and even they don't understand their own intentions.
For such a small baby, the discipline skills are mainly based on channeling and detours.
Safety first, do not tell children not to play and not to touch. Parents need to lock up the lock, and the lid should be buttoned.
Explore your child's rules of life and take appropriate measures before your child falls into a trap that can lead to bad emotions, such as feeding, sleeping, and taking them to other places to play.
Many of the child's "bad behaviors" are understood as children's curiosity behaviors of exploration and learning.
For example, if you teach your child to build blocks, he wants to push down your finished product and refuses to learn from you.
At this time, you should understand his behavior as follows: he is now more interested in the phenomenon of building blocks collapsing, and he is pondering the relationship between pushing and falling.
03
3 years old
Friendly and calm, full of security
Easy to accept and willing to share
3-year-olds are friendly and calm, more secure, easy to accept and willing to share.
At the age of 3, his usual tough rejection has decreased, replaced by sharing or dependence, but he can also experience his own growth and empowerment.
He has become quite mature and comfortable in the control of body movements. His pace is steady and he makes no difficult turns. Language skills are also developed better.
But from the age of 3.5 to the age of 4, rebellion became the biggest feature of this period. 3 and a half years old is an introverted, anxious, insecure, and at the same time extremely strong willpower.
The 3-and-a-half-year-old is very insecure, and even in his physical development, he shows insecurities, such as stuttering, frequent wrestling, and sometimes nervous trembling.
On the one hand, he is insecure, but on the other hand, he wants to dominate the outside world.
Because he couldn't control his emotions, every day, he was struggling to live and life was very unpleasant. He is experiencing his relationship with others, as well as the ego as an individual.
Many children at this age have friends he imagines, some of whom are human or some of whom are animals. What's even more interesting is that the Oedipus complex will appear at this time.
04
4 years old
The heart is lively and adventurous
Loves hiking, loves excitement
4-year-olds love anything new, meet people they don't know, love new places, love new games, new toys, new activities and books.
No one is more responsive to the entertainment ideas raised by adults than they are.
The 4-year-old discovers that adults are still in power, but they are not omnipotent, and at the same time, he also finds himself very powerful. From his point of view, bad things can not be done, and the roof will not collapse because of it.
4-year-olds often open and shut their mouths with, and the like. By the age of 4 and a half, he began to learn to bargain.
From this time on, the child also gradually understands whether things are good or bad. During this period, he was most happy: nothing more than listening to some small stories before going to bed.
05
5 years old
Cheerful and cheerful, sensible and reasonable
I am bent on being a good child and pleasing my mother
The most pleasing trait at this age is that he loves life, enjoys himself, and always sees the bright side of life.
The life of a 5-year-old is always closely related to the present and here. He cared deeply about his room, his home, the street he lived on, his neighbors, and his kindergarten classroom.
5-year-olds naturally become quiet, restrained, and more family-oriented.
He likes to follow established rules, restrictions, and feels at ease with the fact that others have tried or made it to a stand-off. His most interesting time is now, and his favorite place is here.
A 5-year-old child starts to get into little trouble, and most importantly: he has a magical ability to judge what he can and can't do.
That is, he learned self-control, he measured his abilities, he could distinguish clearly between what he could do and what he couldn't do, he judged it very accurately, and he only tried what he thought he could do.
After repeated successes, he built up his self-confidence.
5-year-olds don't worry about things, and 6-year-olds often worry about not finding their mother after school.
5-year-olds will think that their mother must be at home, not only at home now, but also at home forever, and they take it for granted that he and his parents are immortal.
By the age of 5 and a half, there will be a major change. The trait of 5 and a half years old is hesitation, laziness and idleness.
06
6 years old
Entered the second rebellious period of the storm
Personality is extremely polarized
6 pairs of children have the ability to hate things that they just loved in the blink of an eye. The center of his world is no longer his mother, but himself, and he wants everything to be done according to his will.
6-year-old children are both very well-behaved and rebellious at the same time, and it is very common for 6-year-olds to write strokes or numbers backwards.
He was competitive in everything and couldn't stand any failure. And he's now in a sensitive period of vulnerability. Nightmares can also cause a lot of trouble for 6-year-olds.
The biggest problems are:
His relationship with his mother also wandered between the two poles.
He is deeply dependent on his mother, but at the same time tries to stand up on his own, psychologically hoping that he will not depend on anyone.
6-year-old children are not very clear about the difference between "their own things" and "other people's things", so it is a common phenomenon to take away other people's things that he likes.
07
7 years old
Care about yourself
Status and value in the family
7-year-olds don't talk back to you like they did when they were 6, but they don't like to socialize with people as much.
He often has a poor memory, is easily distracted, grinds and rubs at work, and is not interested in helping with housework.
When others ask him to do something, he often does not answer or act for half a day.
He lives in his own secret garden, imbued with a sentimental tone. He will feel that others do not like him and intentionally trouble him. It's easy for 7-year-olds to imagine everything going badly.
7-year-old children are very concerned about school is not late, homework is completed in time, their own things are received by themselves, and the child knows how to care about what others say about him from this time.
To be precise, he began to care very much about what the teacher thought of him, and began to have the intention of being a good student who satisfied the teacher.
Moreover, the mind of a 7-year-old has matured enough to need his own space.
That's why he likes to receive his stuff where he belongs. If he could, the child would need his own table, his own drawer, his own box, his own bed.
7-year-olds not only have much smaller handwriting, but also like to specialize in very small things, because their eyes and brains have developed to this stage. He would like to look very closely, even if his eyes touched the thing.
7-year-olds care a lot about their place and value in the family. Although the establishment of moral concepts does not begin to take shape until the age of 8, the budding of a sense of morality has begun to appear in 7-year-olds.
He began to care that he could not take other people's things (although occasionally he would still take them); he could not lie, deceive people, do what was wrong and not deny or blame; and he would be very willing to follow the rules and abide by them.
08
8 years old
Suddenly it becomes a talking box
The exact opposite of a 7-year-old is that a child may suddenly become a talking box. His requirements for himself and others suddenly became strict, and it could even be said that he was very harsh.
Another milestone in the growth of 8-year-olds is that they begin to develop moral perceptions of right and wrong, and begin to understand the causal relationship between things.
He is very willing to be a good child, willing to do things well, willing to follow the rules.
The 8-year-old's view of "right and wrong" is no longer a simple "good and bad" polarity, and his thinking begins to be full. He cares a lot about how he feels about himself and how others feel about him.
His conception of good and bad is no longer limited to whether his parents are allowed to do it, but according to his budding causal logic, he establishes a concept of right and wrong.
Prior to this, children's judgments of "good" and "bad" came from the parents' "permission" or "disapproval."
He would listen to what adults would say about him when they were chatting, or figure out the faces they looked like when they spoke, hoping to be recognized and praised by others, and very sensitive to the criticism of others.
So when he is accused and criticized, he often finds reasons or blames others first, so as to make himself easier to bear.
8-year-olds are the age when they need their mothers most emotionally.
He desperately needs his mom to share his thoughts, fantasies, conversations, games. He always likes to be with his mother, including working, playing, chatting, and reading, which makes him feel that he "owns" his mother in his entirety.
No matter how busy the mother is, she must set aside at least half an hour a day to wholeheartedly meet the psychological needs of the child's "full possession of the mother". This will help the child successfully pass the psychological attachment period to the mother, and lay a good foundation for the child to calmly move towards the independence of 9 years old.
He was full of interest in exploration and exploration, he could take the bus home on the familiar path, and the scope of exploration in his own neighborhood was getting bigger and bigger, and even crossed the line to run into other people's private yards. He loves geography, studies and even uses maps.
However, it is important to note that the proportion of injuries among 8-year-olds is the highest of all ages.
8-year-olds are sensitive to the relationship between their parents. He began to pay attention to what was happening at home, including the calls, letters, and small talk of adults, trying to find a place in the family. He loves to play with children of the same age and likes to play with children of the same gender.
The friendship at this time is a true two-way friendship, because he is no longer simply self-centered, and he begins to pay attention to what others do and think. He is not only willing to serve others, but also hopes that others will be as willing to repay him as he is.
09
9 year olds
An independent and persistent age
Learning ability spans a year of improvement
In the years prior to that, with each grade, the difficulty of the homework requirements seemed to increase only a little more than in the previous year.
But now it has encountered a huge leap forward: to be competent in the fourth grade, it is necessary not only for children to have new ways of thinking and new abstractions, but also for children to use new methods to apply some of the knowledge they have learned before.
Teachers are well aware that the requirements for fourth-grade elementary school students are a leap forward. However, many parents do not understand this.
Therefore, if a child who has been learning well in the past suddenly and unexpectedly becomes very difficult to learn, it will often feel very strange to parents.
Although many nine-year-olds do face quite severe schoolwork requirements, most children still like to go to school.
The whole routine of getting up in the morning to get ready for school has now gone fairly smoothly, there is little more hustle and bustle, and most children have taken on many of the things they are ready to go to school.
Children may come home to talk about school more than before. He especially likes to talk about some of his own successes, his outstanding performances, and about certain special things that happened at school.
A "sense of accomplishment" is quite important for children of this age.
Therefore, little boys and little girls often become very strong, whether it is doing homework or playing, they are not willing to fail, they must do their best.
10
10 years old
Life is very good and is an action kid
Not a thinking child
Children feel as if there is really a watershed between the ages of 9 and 10, and once they cross the past, the child climbs a new mountain, comes to a new region, and enters a new growth cycle from the age of 10 to 14.
Overall, a 10-year-old has a better life than when he was 9 years old, especially since he can "do more things".
A 10-year-old is a "action" child, not a "thinking" child.
A simple thing can bring him great pleasures, such as hanging out after dinner, no homework, and visiting a children's playground.
Fear will become less and less. According to the report of 10-year-old children, children who used to be afraid of dogs and blacks naturally stopped being afraid of these things.
The most common expression of emotion in 10-year-olds is anger – this contented, cooperative, cute little 10-year-old child gets angry, which is called a volcanic eruption, fast and violent, and even kicks and bites.
If he could control it a little better, he would open his mouth and scold, he would cry, and he would stomp his feet and go back to his house.
Although 10-year-olds can cry angrily, in general they feel that "how old are they, how can they cry", so the tears at this age are the fewest.
Sadness sometimes brings them to tears, but not often, and they are more likely to cry with anger.
A 10-year-old may be sad, and of course it usually doesn't hurt too much. If anyone breaks his heart, some children will "cry and go home", and some children will pretend to be indifferent and quickly calm down and cover up their embarrassment.
11
11 years old
Always in motion age
The state is unstable
11-year-olds do not deliberately do regular things in terms of self-care and daily routine.
Emotionally, the signs of rebellion have grown. 11-year-old children are growing in self-awareness, independent awareness is enhanced, capriciousness is the norm, parents should understand.
In terms of activities and hobbies, confrontation increases, and reluctance to play alone. In school, teachers are beginning to be very strict, and teachers are also facing challenges.
12
12 years old
Personality and actions are in a more ideal state
The characteristics of early puberty are highlighted
12-year-old children's self-care and daily routines have made adults feel at ease, and the reduction of negative emotions is the main feature of this age.
They are self-confident, independent, empathetic, and self-assertive.
In terms of interpersonal relationships, relations with family members are relaxed, and there is no longer exclusion between the opposite sex. At the same time, he has a wide range of interests and prefers group activities. Passionate about student life, even over-enthusiastic.
In terms of morality, they have a little more thinking and a little less impulsiveness.
13
13 years old
A year of self-character entanglement
Hands-on abilities flash an aura
13-year-olds will make a sudden turn or brake sharply on the road to youth. He changed the sunshine and composure of his 12-year-old and fell into a state of entanglement again. Unwilling to socialize, introverted, a little withdrawn, unwilling to be spied on by others.
Although he does not like to deal with adults, he already has his own unique views on problems. At this time, he began to know how to restrain himself, would not eat endlessly, and basically went to bed on time.
Although his personality at this time was gloomy, pessimistic, and secretive, in terms of hands-on, they frequently flashed their aura, liked to knock and beat, and repair and make things by themselves.
Overall, 13-year-olds have clearly shown the characteristics of adolescents.
14
14 years old
A year full of energy
But the unexpected events that occur cannot be ignored
As he moves from screwing 13 to 14, in this year of life, you'll see teenagers with changeable characters. He loves school, loves to socialize with people, and is willing to make his life very fulfilling.
At the age of 14, he is more inclusive and no longer criticizes things he did a year ago.
Despite all the advantages of 14-year-olds, it cannot be ignored that some boys and girls are exposed to some bad habits at this time.
In terms of sex, 14-year-olds do not have enough knowledge and information, and they will encounter many problems such as unintended pregnancies and abortions.
At this time, how parents face and discipline their children's sexual problems is a very necessary and tricky thing. Fortunately, most 14-year-olds show a stronger sense of responsibility, which is a gratifying thing.
The above is the "growth code" of 1-14-year-old children, hoping to make many parents have some different understandings and perceptions at different stages of their children.
In the road of raising and nurturing children, there may be moments of trouble, there may be moments of trouble, but I believe that every parent can get countless beautiful warmth and happiness from their children.
Bless all parents and children, and wish every child to grow up slowly, long and innocent, happy.
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