Introduction: Modern parents' life is stressful and fast-paced, and intergenerational parenting has become realistic, but in intergenerational parenting, the most uncomfortable thing for young parents is the difference in the concept of intergenerational parenting. How to break?
Text/37 degrees warm dad
Sister Zhang, after the 70s, her son was retained to teach during his graduate school. She said: "When I was young, I was very happy, and although I didn't like children, my own children couldn't dislike them. At that time, his grandmother was particularly accustomed to children, so I insisted on bringing it myself. Going to school and writing homework don't have to be managed by me at all. After the first grade, give him pocket money and let him learn to spend money and save money. "Sister Zhang did train her son very well, in her words: Disgusted with the old man is not good, just work hard and bring it yourself."
Red sister, after 80, her son is 9 years old and in the third grade. She said: "When my child was a child, I was busy at work, basically his grandmother helped to bring it, but he must have been with me at night. Conflict, there must be, anyway, with the mother-in-law to discuss it! She is not a particularly rigid person, although her education is not high, but she is quite willing to accept fresh ideas. ”
Fat Yang, after 90, the child is one and a half years old, and after having a baby, her body is out of shape, so everyone calls her Fat Yang. Fat Yang is a post-90s with a distinct personality and a very independent personality, who sends his children to his grandmother's house before going to work every day and then picks him up after work. Fat Yang said: "Grandma thinks that the child eats and fills the ground by himself, eats for half an hour, and cleans for two hours, so she always feeds and does not listen to how to say it." But when I rest at home with the children, including the usual breakfast and dinner, I let him eat by himself. Because I have to do housework, I'm busy, and I don't have that much time to take care of him, so I let him eat by himself. He himself has tasted the benefits of his own decision, doing it himself, and he will not let grandma feed it. ”
Through the three generations, three different mothers to deal with the conflict of intergenerational parenting, we will find a problem: there will definitely be conflicts in intergenerational parenting, it is the collision of two generations of parenting concepts, but the conflict is not irreconcilable, each mother has her own method. I personally think that the elderly with children will indeed have conflicts with young parents' parenting concepts, but the elderly with children also have many benefits.
First of all, it is undeniable that the conflict between young parents and the elderly in parenting concepts is actually the result of differences in the living environment, social changes and educational attainment between the two generations. Moreover, their ideas are already deeply rooted, especially in the case of coddling.
Secondly, due to differences in parenting concepts, there will be inconsistencies in parenting rules. When the elderly interfere with the parenting activities of young parents, it is the most headache for parents, and I think this is also the most "harmful" aspect: when the parenting rules are inconsistent, children often choose the party that is beneficial to themselves, which is not conducive to the growth of children and the implementation of family education ideas.
Parenting conflicts definitely exist, but they can also be reconciled through communication, for example, the red sister after the 80s will often communicate with her mother-in-law about the education of her children, and her mother-in-law is also willing to hear and learn some modern parenting views. Therefore, in the generational parenting, young parents need to pay attention to: reasonable expression of their own views, but also do not let the elderly at home sad.
Everything has its own advantages and disadvantages, when we complain about the various conflicts between the elderly and the baby, we must also be able to think of the various benefits brought about by it:
First, the elderly with babies are actually contributing to our own family building. Every family needs to complete the infrastructure work, which I think encompasses: both material and spiritual aspects. On the one hand, the elderly with children, so that we can go out to work with confidence to earn income to complete the family economic construction, on the other hand, it reduces the contradictions and conflicts caused by work, childcare, and housework.
Second, Erikson's theory of personality development holds that the physical, mental, and health of the elderly deteriorate, and they must adjust and adapt accordingly, so it is called the psychological conflict of self-adjustment and despair. When the elderly retire and get older, they have a greater or less sense of loss in their hearts about the growth of age, the decline of physical strength, and the degree of social contribution and their own role. The elderly with the baby can alleviate the conflict in the hearts of the elderly and increase the acquisition of a sense of self-worth.
Third, the old man has experienced the tempering of the years, the heart is more stable and mature, and the personality is also tending to be peaceful. In the face of crying children, chattering children, more patient.
Fourth, the behavior of doting and "protecting calves" of the elderly can also alleviate the conflict between grumpy parents and children, become an emotional buffer between children and parents, and reduce the harm of negative emotions of parents to children.
Conclusion: The two generations grew up in different environments and received different levels of education, and parenting conflicts will inevitably exist. Rationally look at intergenerational parenting, recognize the pros and cons, and actively communicate in order to achieve consistency between the two sides, rather than blindly complaining and accusing.
@37 Degrees Warm Dad Psychological Institute Marriage, Family and Parent-Child Relationship in-the-job research, sharing psychological parenting knowledge every day. According to incomplete statistics: 99.99% of people who pay attention to warm fathers have happier marriages and more well-behaved children.
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