As living standards improve, parenting knowledge becomes easier and easier, but mothers' parenting anxieties become heavier.
Now colleagues and friends get together, the topic from where to play on the weekend, where the newly opened Internet celebrity shop is good, to what your children learn on the weekend? My child's learning is too much for me to worry about, what to do?
Stable work, increased income, children's grandmothers, grandmothers help with children, parenting books are at their fingertips, why are mothers still getting more and more anxious and helpless?
A small family structure of 3 people, there is no chance to hear about the neighbor's aunt with a baby
Now the young mother herself grew up in a family of 3 and lived in a relatively closed social unit.
There is a lack of family homes that were originally open, or a society of acquaintances in the countryside. Take care of younger siblings from an early age, or hear about the growth of children at home.
Giving birth to a child by yourself may be the first time to witness the birth of life, and newborns are strange to mothers, feeling helpless about how to take care of their babies, and thus have anxiety.
Before we were in the bed next door, the new father was very excited around his newborn baby, but when he saw the pink newborn, he did not dare to hold his child, saying that he had never held a child, afraid of hurting the baby.
New mothers will join various parenting communities to chat and buy groups before giving birth. More is to hope that I can integrate into the group of mothers and seek a sense of belonging in the community to alleviate my anxiety and helplessness.
The convenience of mobile phones to obtain information has exacerbated the anxiety of new mothers. Through the mobile phone mothers in the community or on the Internet, while obtaining parenting knowledge, but also germinated the feeling that I have so much parenting knowledge does not understand. In the process of learning through mobile phones, I found that I did not understand more and more, so I was even more panicked.
Second, the change of the family power structure
1. Young mothers are the decision-makers of parenting styles
After the birth of a newborn, there are usually elders who help to carry the child. Originally, in the traditional family, when the information was underdeveloped, the parenting knowledge of newborn mothers was obtained from the elders.
In this traditional model, the mother of a newborn is a learner mentality, and the elder is the teacher of her own child-rearing. In this traditional model, newborn mothers are easy to gain a sense of security because they have the support of the parenting knowledge of their elders, and at this time, the mother of the newborn will think that when she encounters problems that are difficult to choose, there will be elders who will make up their own minds.
Yet the information develops in modern society. Newborn mothers will think that the older generation's parenting style is backward. More information comes from the Web and books.
So when you encounter questions in the parenting process, you are habitual or more likely to believe in help phones and books. Be skeptical of parenting advice from elders. Therefore, when things come to pass, the decision-maker is often the mother of the newborn. At this time, the newborn mother, due to lack of experience and to make the child's choice, will feel helpless and insecure.
2. Elders take care of children with a helper mentality
The older grandmother or grandmother feels the harmony of the family relationship. And believe that young moms and dads, a generation of highly educated people, have more judgments about scientific parenting styles.
Therefore, more grandmothers and grandmothers do not interfere in the decision-making of parenting choices, and take care of the children's life and living in the role of helpers, mainly responsible for the family's food and clothing. Now the elders are more open-minded and no longer dominate the voice of parenting. All actions are directed, providing logistical support for the child-rearing process and eliminating the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Mothers become the main decision-makers in the parenting process, taking on more pressure, so that mothers have less tolerance for the parenting process. When the child is sick and crying, he will think that the child's illness is his fault and not take care of the child, because the mother will be more helpless and anxious.
Third, the child's achievements become the standard of family success
In the traditional family relationship structure, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, between the three generations, is dominated by mother-in-law, and the mother-in-law controls the right to speak in the family. And now everything is child-centered, and all resources and time revolve around the newborn.
That is to say, the child bears the hope of the whole family, and the child must succeed. In the eyes of every parent, their child must be the first in the class.
Every child has poured too much money and energy into the family, and the child's main caregiver, usually the mother, also bears great pressure, and when the child is not good enough, such as the grades can not be among the best, it may be blamed by the family and even the machine. This makes the fault tolerance rate of child care very low.
Parents are so anxious now, it may be that we have seen parenting as an investment, parents invest a lot of money and time in their children, hoping that the children can produce a high return on investment, such as excellent results.
But when the child's grades are not good, parents will think that this parenting investment is a "loss-making business", and the family grades will begin to complain and quarrel with each other, blaming the mother for the wrong way of education, and blaming the child for not working hard.
Perhaps we should think of the parenting process as a multilateral cooperation between parents and parents. Parents provide long-term and stable growth space for their children, be 60 points parents, parents and children cooperate to move forward, giving each other more space.