Wen | Wu Zaitian
How to make children willing to communicate with their parents and tell their parents the truth? It is important that parents provide an opportunity and environment for their children to speak the truth. This requires parents to be willing to capture the daily changes of the child and pay attention to the child's emotional ups and downs, so as to be able to find out whether the child's performance is normal or abnormal at some point.
A mother said that one day when she went to work, she received several phone calls from her son, and the child said that she hoped her mother would be able to leave work early. The colleague next to her said that her child was very clingy, but the mother felt that something was wrong at the time, so she put down her work and went back early.
When he returned, the child asked his mother, "Mom, do you love me?" Mom said, "Of course I love." The child asked again: "Then I am naughty, I am not studying well, do you still love me?" Mom said, "Of course I love you, and loving you has nothing to do with who you are." The child listened and walked away contented. The mother saw that nothing seemed to be happening to the child and thought she was nervous. But before going to sleep, the child told his mother what happened during the day. Because the child's homework writing is not standardized, the teacher said a few words. It's not a big deal, but the child is very concerned and worried about the mother's attitude, so the daytime phone call and the conversation after returning home are the child's temptations.
That night, the mother contacted the class teacher, and after communicating with the teacher, she learned that the child's homework was written with mirror words, that is, the words were written backwards. This is often the case for children who have just entered primary school, and the teacher also expresses understanding and is willing to spend more time helping the child.
This is the attitude that parents can pay attention to and observe the changes of their children, are willing to understand their children, and let their children feel that their parents are willing to listen and accept. The child does not need to worry about making mistakes, even if it is wrong, the parents can understand and tolerate, and are willing to help him. This builds a good communication atmosphere, and children who encounter difficulties and setbacks later will be more willing to come to their parents for support and help, and naturally they are more willing to communicate with their parents.
Therefore, when you find that your child has a different state than usual, you should pay attention to providing your child with the opportunity and atmosphere to speak. When your child shares his little secret with you, he may inadvertently say some of his "problem behavior", and parents should not rush to puncture and correct the child, the child may have his concerns and difficulties. Parents can choose to talk about this topic at the right time and ask what happened from the child's point of view. Accepting children and providing an environment can help and support children to solve problems they encounter.
A mother said that the kindergarten asked for a lunch break, and her child once shared with her proudly that when the teacher came, he squinted his eyes and pretended to sleep, and as soon as the teacher left, he quietly talked and chatted with his friends next to him. The child shared with the mother with some small pride, but the mother did not capture the child's happy emotions, but felt that the child did not take a nap how to do, she was very serious with the child to say a reason, but also deliberately communicated with the teacher. The next day, the child came home very unhappy: "Mom, the teacher said you told her that I would fake sleep." I will never speak to you again of my heart. ”
When your child is willing to share it with us, even though some of their behavior may not be your permission, the first thing you need to know is to respect your child's sense of trust in you. The fact that your child trusts you shows that your parent-child relationship is well established.
A good parent-child relationship is the foundation of everything. If the parent-child relationship is safe and fluid, when you want to correct your child's mistakes, the child will easily understand your intentions, and he will know that you are for his own good, rather than limiting him, which is a thousand times better than you are reasoning with your child. If the parent-child relationship is dangerous and deadlocked, when you want to adjust the child's behavior, the child will instinctively stand on the confrontation side, he will feel that you do not trust him, restrict him, and get him into trouble. Parents should cherish their children's natural trust in their parents, and cannot accidentally close the door of their children's hearts that they are willing to open to us.
In the process of children's growth, parents are inevitably anxious. When we are anxious, we should find our own way, self-awareness or seek help, rather than projecting anxiety onto the child and changing the child to alleviate our anxiety. Otherwise, children will avoid communicating with their parents more and more because they do not want to disappoint their parents.
Children's willingness to communicate with their parents comes from the environment and atmosphere in which parents can tell their children the truth, from the parents' willingness to accept their children's mistakes or performances that do not meet expectations on the road to growth, and from the parents' attempts to look at their children's "problem behavior" from different perspectives.