Times have changed.
At the time of our fathers, the elderly were looking forward to the birth of the next generation, eager to bring their grandchildren early, and some families would be very unhappy because they were fighting for grandchildren.
However, in the 80s and 90s generation, children seem to have become hot potatoes, whether it is in-laws or mother-in-law parents, they are not willing to help with children. Especially many in-laws, they are simply afraid to take their grandchildren.
Sometimes before the child is born, they are anxious to clear up the relationship, for various reasons such as poor health and lack of energy, for fear that the son and daughter-in-law will give the child to themselves.
In this case, more and more grandparents have become the absolute main force in the army with Sun.
Why are the in-laws now reluctant to bring their grandchildren?
In fact, it's not because they don't love children, or because they're too cold.
The real reason is simple, it's three words: trouble.
One is that I feel that it is very troublesome to take the baby itself.
The in-laws also brought up their children with a handful of and a handful of urine, and some of them not only brought up a baby, but the cumbersome, arduous and tiring process of this baby, how could they not know?
In addition, today's children are golden and expensive, there are countless rules for brewing milk, what bottles should be disinfected, the water temperature should be appropriate, there is a strict proportion of flushing, and the time and frequency of feeding are also exquisite.
Not to mention, what complementary foods to add, sick care, infant and young child early education, each of which is brought out separately, has a lot of knowledge, which requires time and energy to learn.
Learning itself is a hassle.
Second, I feel that it is very troublesome to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Many mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law have been at peace with each other before the birth of their children, and if they really take the baby together, they will often be in conflict.
The parenting concepts of the two generations are very different, if you have always insisted on one side as the mainstay, one side as a supplement is better, according to a pace, everyone cooperates with the baby, it will be much easier.
The most frightening thing is that the two generations are particularly persistent in the way of taking the baby, and they have to let each other follow their own way, then, once there is a difference of opinion, it will inevitably be inseparable.
Sometimes just because the use of diapers is not wet or diapers, the baby's meals are not salted, or breastfeeding or milk powder, everyone's concepts are different, can lead to a big war.
Instead of arguing and not being able to end the scene at that time, it is better to directly eliminate this possibility at the beginning, which can save a lot of trouble.
Third, it will be very troublesome to arrange your own life.
Once you start to take a baby, you basically say goodbye to your relaxed retirement life.
You can no longer get up at what time you want to get up, and you can do whatever you want.
Arranging life can become cumbersome.
The child will become the core of life, and all the arrangements of life will have to be centered around the child's clock.
When the child wakes up, whether it is 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning, he can only get up to feed the child.
Children want to play with you, whether you are sleepy to death, or want to watch TV series, you can only play with your scalp.
If you want to arrange something for yourself, whether you want to have a small gathering with old friends, or go to the park and play chess, you must first coordinate the time of your son and daughter-in-law, and go to work in the gap when they can take over the baby, otherwise it can only be advanced or delayed, or even canceled.
It is precisely because of these three major troubles that many in-laws do not want to bring grandchildren.
The best way to eliminate trouble is to not let it happen at all. But while saving trouble, it will also produce a series of "side effects".
In-laws who do not want to bring grandchildren generally cannot escape the 4 endings
1. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is cold and distant.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very delicate.
If the distance is too close, it is easy to produce contradictions, and there are many right and wrong; if the distance is too far, it will become cold and distant.
Especially the first 3 years after the birth of a child are often a turning point in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
If the daughter-in-law is the most busy, the most vulnerable and helpless, take the handle, help with the child, the daughter-in-law is naturally aware of the in-laws' efforts, will be grateful, and when the in-laws are old, the daughter-in-law will naturally treat the in-laws well and do a filial piety.
If when the daughter-in-law is the hardest, the in-laws can obviously reach out to help, but choose to look at them coldly, then the daughter-in-law will definitely be cold, and at the same time, she will draw a line with the in-laws in her heart, and the relationship will become more and more distant.
2, the grandson is not close to himself.
Children are very simple, and whoever is good to him, he will kiss whomever he wants.
Even if the family is more elderly with children, children will be closer to the elderly, rather than their own parents and mothers.
If grandparents rarely participate when they are young, especially before the age of 6, it is difficult for children to establish a sense of intimacy with their grandparents. When the child grows up, even if he comes to see you every New Year's Day, there are only gifts, not too many emotions.
The intimacy established during childhood is deeply imprinted in the child's memory, until the child reaches adulthood, and even throughout the child's life.
My mother's old friend Aunt Huang, has been living with the little daughter, helping the daughter with the child, the child and Aunt Huang have a particularly good relationship, now they are in college, every holiday home will be a few days to take grandma around to play.
Aunt Huang smiled when she talked about her grandchildren, and she had been carrying a baby for many years, although it was very hard, but it also made her enjoy a lot of happiness.
3. Gather less with your son and leave more.
After the son has his own child, he will put more time and energy on his own small home, and when he returns to his parents' home, he will be less and less, if the parents and their sons are not in the same city, then, they may only meet each other all year round.
On the contrary, those who help with the baby, either live with their children, or live in adjacent communities, usually walking around each other will be very frequent, usually something, or there is a headache and brain fever, children can also take care of it at any time.
4, the older you will be, the lonelier you will be.
Those in-laws who do not help with their grandchildren are lonely the older they are.
Friends of the same generation have grandchildren and grandchildren, and they all go home one after another to help take the children, and there will be fewer and fewer people around to drink tea and chat.
Even if you occasionally get together and your friends talk about interesting things about your grandchildren, you can only laugh twice and try to talk, but find that there is no talking point at all, because you don't know anything about your grandchildren.
And when one day, the wife around you also died, you will be even more lonely.
At this time, you will find that you are far away from your son's life, even if you finally live with your son, everyone will not be as familiar as the relatives who often come and go, and it is not so easy to truly integrate into your son's family.
Do you want to help your son and daughter-in-law with your children?
My favorite question on this question is the answer of a mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law said: The pressure on young people today is too great, and it is not easy, and the old man has the conditions to help, or to help. Young people are willing to help us with the baby, we will help to bring, do not want us to bring, we can pay for it, are their own children, we do not hurt who hurts ah?
In the final analysis, the relationship between people is originally involved with each other, and good relationships are often troublesome.
I've always thought so.
What do you think?
Hello everyone, I am a worm mother, a multi-platform original parenting blogger, a middle-aged girl who fights wits and courage with 8-year-old naughty children every day, focusing on sharing parenting dry goods and some life distortions.