College students read at night
I once encountered a beam of light that was given back to the sun at sunset.
I thought this light could illuminate the warmth of this lonely shadow of me, but at sunset, the sun summoned him back, still leaving a darkness with me.
I'm still lonely and still insecure. After having the light and losing the light, I am even more afflicted with gain and loss.
I met a guy who, at first, I had no intention of getting to know him.
But how did I get to know him?
Oh yes, after a friend introduced. We played a few games together and became acquainted.
Play well, and often team up to play games. My friend asked me, what do you think of Cheng Nan?
Ask me Monty, who did I say? Only then did she remember that I didn't know his real name.
After explaining this matter clearly, I said: "It's very good, I don't play games, I don't blame my pit teammates, I am really a good teammate." ”
My friend looked at me stupidly: "People want to fall in love with you, he is also a college student, follow us for a year." It's just that he's in T City, far away. But also my hair is small, people are very good, these days with us to play games, I think you are also very good. You also have a snack, and you are still like a child every day. ”
I brushed my lips and retorted to him, "I'm used to it by myself." Don't look at me every day yelling that I want to fall in love, I actually don't want to, I instigate me to be afraid. ”
After my friend looked at me helplessly, the matter was over.
In the days that followed, I deliberately avoided Cheng Nan. The game was not teamed up with him, and the private messages he sent were perfunctory.
I was actually afraid in my heart, afraid of bad results, afraid of disappointment.
But later, I still thought about it. What convinced me?
Probably his perseverance, the persuasion of friends, the encouragement of girlfriends, and my own selfishness.
After agreeing to try to be friends with him, we added WeChat.
At that time, I really knew him, with a prestigious university degree, a good family background, and a handsome appearance. On the other hand, I was discouraged for a while.
Probably he also saw my inferiority and had been channeling me. To be clear, this is not a problem at all, don't worry.
So, slowly I let go too. We also became more and more acquainted, and slowly became fond of him.
He will send surprises to friends on my birthday; he will remember every day worth remembering and celebrating, giving me a full sense of ceremony and sincerity; he will carefully coax me when I am wronged; he will urge me to learn and be self-motivated...
He either attends classes every day, manages student organizations, or helps teachers. Almost every day we didn't talk or play games until late. After that, I also developed the habit of staying up late, but I was never lonely because of him.
But we have never met because of the closure of the school due to the epidemic and the reason that he usually has almost full classes. This has always been my regret. However, he always said that when he came to Japan, he would always meet.
We were also as happy as other long-distance friends, we just didn't meet.
During that time, I was really happy. Although it was a pity not to meet, he really gave me enough security and gentleness.
Because I am not around, every time it rains, I will be reminded to bring an umbrella, or place an order on the campus mini program and send me an umbrella. At our respective schools, buy tickets for the same movie, adjacent seats, set popcorn and coke.
At that time, I was thinking that if I didn't have Cheng Nan, I would be very disappointed. As it turned out, I was very lost, and my heart seemed to be empty.
For a while, we chatted less and less between us. Sometimes even three days pass before I get my message back. He told me he had been busy lately, and I believed it.
I've been busy lately, and after being with him, I've started to be self-motivated and good. Busy student organization, busy making tables, busy part-time, busy looking for thesis supervisor, looking for thesis topic, busy with graduate school...
When I have freed up extra time, the epidemic is not serious, the travel is not restricted, and I have saved up money to buy a plane ticket to him and give him a surprise. My WeChat rang, I thought it was him, but found that it was a friend application, the note was Cheng Nan's mother.
I was nervous and excited to pass and say hello. My aunt told me very gently and she didn't agree with it. I said that I am also getting better now, and I am trying to go to graduate school.
But she woke me up with the gentlest tone, letting me see the gap between us, which I couldn't catch up with. The most fatal thing was that she said that I had limited his great future, that he could have gone abroad to study abroad to fulfill his dreams, and that our feelings lacked trust.
I was in a trance for a moment, he never said his dream, and our feelings really lacked trust. He would always ask my friends to supervise me if I was looking for someone else. We also copied a lot of shelves because of this.
People say that feelings are strong, and as long as you are willing to work hard, there can be no bad results.
But our feelings are so fragile, so fragile that I can't make up for it but can't keep up with the speed of its breaking.
Cheng Nan finally came to me and said that he wanted to have a good chat. I knew what he was going to say, and I kept dragging the time. But he didn't give me any time to curl up in the shell of a turtle.
Our relationship ended like this, and he said sorry for me and said I would find a better one.
We started across the screen and ended across the screen.
And I'm still trying, maybe one day, I'll meet the real him...
"It wasn't my moon, but it did have a light shining on me," and the moon really gave me a moment of tenderness, but he wasn't mine, and walked so fast that he didn't leave me even a little warmth.
Author | Zhang Yiran
Edit | Zhang Cangran
Audit | Wang Longlong
Review | Wang CenYu
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