There is no cookie-cutter approach to education, because every parent's knowledge, vision, and pattern are very different. But the expectations of children, all parents are surprisingly consistent. Not only do we want our children to be physically and mentally healthy, but we also hope that their future will be smooth and they will become excellent people.
For this expectation, parents can be described as "eight immortals crossing the sea", preparing their children from different aspects. But parents forget: the higher the expectation, the greater the pressure, and the more unsatisfactory the result. Because what the child feels is not the love of the father or the mother, but the heavy pressure, so that he can't breathe.
In the end, the child is likely to become an avoidant personality, because he is overwhelmed and can only choose to escape. Even if it is a small problem, the child may lose his temper or try to avoid it in other ways. Quite simply, the child does not know how to solve it, and does not want to face pressure.
For children's avoidance behavior, many parents do not realize the seriousness, or blindly push and pressure. I thought that under the pressure, the child would definitely be forced to accept it, and then become what the adult wanted. But they don't know that avoidance is already a child's resistance, and strong pressure will only make them more distressed.
About the things behind the avoidant personality
What is avoidant personality? For this problem, many parents may not know it yet. I hope that the next analysis and introduction can arouse the attention of parents, and do not let children get stuck in the quagmire and cannot walk out.
The so-called avoidant personality is to show a strong avoidance psychology and behavior. For all kinds of things, children show extremely negative attitudes, always feel that they are not capable enough, and want to try to give up.
In early childhood, the avoidant personality is mostly manifested in fear of getting along with strangers, fear of unfamiliar environments, and so on. As long as it is something that you are not familiar with, there will be withdrawal and inferiority. Most of the time, children are alone and don't want to communicate with anyone.
Therefore, when it is found that the child is unwilling to contact people, there will be a strong resistance to the approach of strangers, parents should be vigilant, which shows that the child has appeared avoidant personality characteristics. Then there is the fact that they show a strong lack of security, unconscious fear, always fear of being abandoned by their parents...
This series of behavioral changes is indicating that children's psychology and physiology have undergone tremendous changes. In their view, only avoidance is the best way to protect yourself, to get rid of those unnecessary troubles and pressures. Even the love of parents and the kindness of others will be unconsciously ignored.
It is only taken literally that once a child forms this personality, it is particularly detrimental to his future development. It is very likely that from now on, it will be closely related to loneliness, with failure, and with all bad things. Do not dare to take the initiative to face, can only be forced to bear all the consequences, the ability to resist pressure will become worse and worse, think about it is painful.
How to help children get out of the misunderstanding of avoidant personality?
Personality changes take a long time, so if you want to completely change the avoidant personality, parents need more patience and cannot be too hasty. During this period, we should also pay more attention to strategy, so that children can slowly adapt and accept changes from the depths of their hearts.
First trick: guide slowly
Change the previous educational strategy and adjust the atmosphere of life to make children feel more happy and comfortable. Next, take him out of the house and meet more children of the same age. At first, it is difficult for them to take the first step, so the parents will speak for them and demonstrate to the child how to communicate with people correctly.
Second trick: give encouragement
For children with avoidant personalities, what they lack most is self-confidence, so give them more encouragement and affirmation. Let the child know that they also have shining points and excellent points. Only continuous encouragement can stimulate children's self-confidence, make them interested in many things, and be willing to work hard for them.
Third trick: let go of your hands
From now on, don't make any decisions for your child, but let them face and solve them independently. Maybe the child is not doing well, and even has a lot of flaws. It doesn't matter, as long as he is willing to do it, he has already succeeded in a big step. Next, as long as you are good at guidance and encouragement, I believe that the child will do better and better until the difficulties are overcome.
Fourth trick: Strengthen your workouts
The most important step is the final reinforcement exercise, which is called persistence. The child's heart is uncertain, even if there is a significant change in the early stage, it will become unstable for various reasons, and then the phenomenon of wavering or avoidance will occur again. Therefore, parents should find a way to suit their children and constantly strengthen their hearts.
Written in the end: The lethality of the avoidant personality is too great, and for children, their young minds and bodies cannot bear it at all. Therefore, at this stage, we need the help and correct guidance of our parents in order to completely get out of the quagmire and see the sunshine.