I have a female friend, who is particularly beautiful, and there are many people who chase her when she goes to school, but she has to marry into the province despite her parents' obstruction.
The other day, I inadvertently learned from my mother that she was divorced and ran back.
I went to see her, but before I entered her house, I smelled a smell of gun smoke and heard her arguing with her parents in the courtyard.
It turned out that her parents were complaining that she had not listened to the advice and repeatedly prevented her from marrying far away, but she did not listen, and even locked her up at home, and she also sneaked out.
Hearing her parents say this, she cried, crying and saying, "I made the wrong choice, but you are not responsible?" It was you who tried so hard to stop me, so that I had to do it, and thought that this was what is called love..."
Hearing her daughter say this, her parents became even more angry, saying: In the end, it is our fault?
Guys, what do you think of this? Whose fault is it?
I often say that a person's cognitive level determines his height, cognition can not reach, the essence behind many things he can not understand, can not see comprehensively, just like this matter, in fact, at first glance it seems that this girl said no reason, but it is human logic!
The Romeo and Juliet effect, inducing human behavior
There is already a so-called "Romeo and Juliet effect" in love, and then the invisible inducement of people's behavior, let me reveal it to you!
Under normal circumstances, we will think that the love that is right at the door, without any resistance, and blessed by the people around us will develop more smoothly. But in fact, the more external resistance, such as the strong opposition of the parents of both sides, the more it can deepen the feelings between lovers.
In TV dramas, we often see episodes like this:
When someone else pursues their love object, that is, when a love enemy appears, their feelings for the love object will become more intense.
Psychologically, this phenomenon is known as the "Romeo and Juliet effect."
When two people who love each other encounter obstacles and have to break up, people will have a "sense of disharmony".
At this point, the psychological effect of eliminating this 'sense of dissonance' begins to work. Because the human psyche cannot change the status quo of external obstacles, it deepens to overcome obstacles.
In addition, people also have the illusion that the power to overcome difficulties is the power of love, and the sense of achievement that transcends obstacles is transformed into the feeling of love.
Of course, these can also be explained clearly from the perspective of human nature, and I mentioned in the column of "Influence Control" that people have a sense of "false self-proof", in short, that is, everyone does not want to live as a puppet.
You haven't had children with you, and many times the more you let them learn with peace of mind, what will happen to them? That's right, deliberately not being easy to learn, right?
This is the same as the rebellious psychology of many people, when they are slowly getting older, they don't want to follow the decision of their parents, they want to prove themselves and be their masters, so the more their parents obstruct, the more they will resist.
In this case, then, we will evolve into emotional confrontation, ignoring the right and wrong of the thing itself and whether it is reasonable or not, and making decisions that seem inconceivable to outsiders.
So you will find that many couples who elope in order to avoid the opposition of their families, in the eyes of others, they interpret "vigorous love", but reality shows that many of the marriages that have been achieved in this way eventually lead to divorce.
Love, which is stimulated by external pressures, often cannot withstand the test of time. Once two people encounter sad setbacks, love is prone to cracks.
Many people will interpret the love obtained through difficulties and obstacles, "overcoming many obstacles", "hard work", as "true love", in fact, it is not necessarily the case, which is equivalent to a kind of "mental anesthesia".
Love is mostly emotional, but after getting married to live a life, it is necessary to return to rationality, which is different, resulting in many people feeling that there is a difference between marriage and marriage, in fact, everything has not changed, but sensibility and rationality are changing sovereignty.
Let's examine this situation from the daily communication, have you found that many times you obviously try to persuade the other party for the good of the other party, but the other party is working against you?
For example, you tell your children that learning is the most important thing, which can lay a good foundation for your future life; for example, you tell your cousin that this project is not working, you can't make money at all, and you don't do it...
The more you care about persuading them, what happens to them? Instead, it found a series of reasons to refute you, right? Their original ideas and beliefs have been made more solid by you, right?
This is human nature, why many people are always good at doing bad things, that is, they do not understand the logic behind this, they think they are good for you, but in fact, they use the wrong way, sad!
So, by reading this you need to have these two realizations:
One is that you have to understand that if you want to strengthen a person's beliefs and make him firm in his thoughts, many times what you have to do is to put forward [a little doubt], let him take out one evidence after another from his brain to refute you, prove his correctness, the more he argues his point of view, the more firm the idea will be.
For example, if a person wants to start a business, but still has a little doubt, what do you do?
You can ask him, have you investigated the market? How are other peers doing? Have faith... You let him find a series of [evidence] on his own to convince himself. (Of course, this suspicion is as long as it is simple, don't make it very big)
——This point I have detailed in "Influence Control", you can review it yourself
The second is that if you want to shake a person's belief and let her get lost, many times it is necessary to do it to "fuel the waves", let him realize the problem himself, and wake up on his own.
For example, the girl mentioned in the opening chapter, the repeated obstruction of her parents will be counterproductive, it will make her feel that this love is not easy to come by, and she feels that this love is vigorous and true love, which will only make her fall deeper and deeper.
So what do enlightened parents do?