What do you think is the key to determining a child's future success? ”
In response to this problem, let's first look at the statements of several parents.
nature.
Talent.
Good grades
Sociable
… …
Yes, thousands of moms have a million different answers. What is your answer?
According to psychological research, whether a person can succeed, the impact of self-control is more than 2 times that of intelligence.
01
In the 1960s and 1970s, Professor Michelle, a psychologist at Stanford University, did a famous "marshmallow" experiment in which he invited many four-year-olds to participate. At the beginning, he told the children, "Here's a marshmallow, I need to leave the room for 15 minutes, and when I come back, if the marshmallow hasn't been eaten by you, I'll give the child another piece as a reward." ”
When the professor left the room, some of the children ate the candy right away, some waited a while and ate it, some waited long enough to finally eat the marshmallow.
Interestingly, 1/3 of the children did not eat marshmallows, some of them closed their eyes and waited for fifteen minutes, some kept sniffing or even licking, some distracted themselves by playing with their pants, playing with their fingers, singing, and indeed, this time was difficult for these children.
14 years later, he found the children who participated in the marshmallow experiment for a follow-up survey, and he found that the children who could bear not to eat marshmallows were generally "more competitive", stronger in physique, and of course, their academic performance was much higher than that of the children who ate marshmallows.
02
"My kids don't do things like crazy, they don't stick to it for two days and then give up, practicing is like this, running is like this, even the dance they like is often dragged and refuses to dance." 」
"My son planned to practice spoken English during the winter vacation last year, and at first he was still very energetic, getting up early in the morning to recite English texts, but after a few days he couldn't stick to it and continued to sleep late, so it was not effective." This summer, he said that he would continue to make up his spoken language, and he was worried that he was still like last year, fishing for three days and drying nets for two days, what to do? ”
"Every day, children play with their mobile phones and computers, saying that they only play for an hour, but they can't stop playing, and their homework is not written.... What to do? ”
These are typical questions asked by mothers, in fact, they also reflect the poor self-control of children, which is a problem faced by many parents. This is a manifestation of a lack of self-control.
Literally
Self-control is the ability to control oneself, which refers to the ability to completely and consciously control one's emotions and control one's actions.
Emotional aspects:
Some children love to lose their temper at every turn, talk back to their parents, and willful, which can also be attributed to weak self-control and cannot control their temper well.
Operational aspects:
Doing things halfway, half-hearted, easy to give up, learning, doing homework, etc. will be affected. In life, you can't insist on doing a good job well, such as cultivating and adhering to certain hobbies.
It is no exaggeration to say that children with lack of self-control abound! Therefore, there will be various problems in learning, personality, etc., and many parents are anxious about it.
03
These methods are not conducive to cultivating self-control
Hit the child
Parents think that hitting their children can play a warning role, and next time he will not dare. However, the children don't think so. Of course they will be afraid of being beaten, but they will not be self-controlled. Rather, it was because he was afraid of being beaten and learned to lie or do it secretly.
In reality, boys are more likely to be beaten (thick skin, resistant to beating?). Parents will always feel more distress for their daughters. The boys suffered greatly and did not show as much self-control as the girls.
So, whether your family is a son or a daughter, if you are still beating your child at every turn, remember to stop it.
If you can't beat the child, doesn't the child care when he shows that he has no self-control behavior? Of course not!
Do not pay attention to cultivating children's self-control
Studies have shown that when children behave without self-control (such as throwing a tantrum to buy snacks), if parents ignore the cultivation of their children's self-control, the children do not get the correct guidance, and they will naturally repeat the same mistakes. In the long run, it will lead to poor self-control of children, no self-control in ordinary life, reflected in learning, and academic performance will naturally receive a deep impact.
Therefore, parents should pay more attention to their children, especially the parents of boys. When your child shows no self-control, are you impatient and laissez-faire?
It is recommended that everyone gently but firmly put forward the previous agreement, tell him that if he does not follow the agreement, he will be punished, and let him make another choice for himself.
At this time, the child is likely to have negative emotions, and parents can accompany and listen quietly, without too much intervention.
This method will not work all at once, but stick to it and you will see your child change.
04
This is how self-control can be cultivated
There are rules in life that allow children to make clear boundaries
Many parents wait until their children are adolescence, showing a lot of bad habits before they start to be anxious, often a little too late.
Because a child's habits of words and deeds are formed from an early age, they will only become more and more entrenched as they grow older, and it takes a lot of effort to correct them.
In families that like to coddle, laissez-faire, and indulge, children are usually more arbitrary, wanton, and unable to control their emotions and words and deeds well.
In fact, the child's self-control is stronger than we think, the key lies in whether the parents usually make rules for the child, talk about principles, so that the child understands where the boundaries of their words and deeds are.
In the show "Mom is Superman", because her daughter Usually likes to eat snacks, every meal is a difficult thing, jia Jingwen decided to set a rule for Jia Jingwen to set a rule for Jia Wei and not eat snacks for three days.
From the bottom of her heart, she felt that this challenge was bound to fail. However, unexpectedly, when she repeatedly explained the rules to her children, every time she faced her favorite cookies and candies, she could insist on not eating them.
Therefore, many times, it is not that the child's self-control is not good, it is that the parents are not principled enough, and may compromise after seeing the child spoiling, playing, and crying, breaking the established rules, and letting the child taste the sweetness.
When educating children, do not use too many rules to restrain the child's exploration behavior, but some necessary rules must still be there, such as the requirements for snacks, electronic products, work and rest time, etc.
When establishing rules, be sure to discuss and discuss with your child, and he will be more willing to implement the rules that the child himself says.
The rules have been set, parents must adhere to the principle, the tone and emotions can be very gentle, but the attitude and position must be firm.
For example, it is stipulated that children can only play mobile phones for 10 minutes a day, if children play for 20 minutes, then they are not allowed to play the next day, no matter how the child asks for it.
In the appropriate rules, the child will slowly change from other discipline to self-discipline, knowing when to do what, not more than how long, self-control is developed.
When children behave in a focused, self-controlled manner, parents can give encouragement and praise, which can more effectively explore the child's potential and strengthen the child's good behavior.
Respect the child and allow for proper relaxation
I once met a mother who came home and saw her child watching TV, and she was angry with her child and accused her child of not learning. The child said that I had done all my homework, that I had done all the revision and prep, and that the TV had just been turned on.
Then the mother yelled at the child: After the homework is done, will you not read the extracurricular books? Will you be able to score a hundred points on the next exam? Say that you can get a hundred points to watch TV, don't be lazy if you don't dare to say it. Then I found two sets of exercises for the child to do.
In fact, studies have shown that people's self-control is limited, and the brain will find a balance between hard work and looking for simple rewards, so if people complete two things in a row, each of which requires strong self-control, then the second thing is often done worse.
Therefore, instead of letting the child exhaust the interest in learning in the sea of questions, it is advisable to allow the child to arrange his own time, as long as he does what should be done well, he can allow the child to relax appropriately, so that the child can enjoy the sweetness brought by high self-control and high efficiency.
Timely reminders to make children responsible for themselves
Regarding self-control, if adults always feel that children are still young and can be forgiven for doing anything, it is difficult for children to form a habit of self-discipline. If you want your child to understand in an instant that the stakes are not realistic, parents may wish to start by giving their children a gentle and firm reminder so that they can learn to take responsibility for their actions. Like what:
Children like to take things in the supermarket, you can tell the child before entering the supermarket, what we need to buy today, if you like it, you can go back to discuss with your parents and buy it next time. But if you mess with something or lose your temper, Mom and Dad will take you out of the supermarket right away.
Children watch TV and play games fascinated, you can also remind the child once fifteen minutes in advance, and then after a while to do the next thing, if you do not abide by the agreement, then tomorrow will lose the opportunity to watch TV and play games.
Parents' tone can be gentle, but attitude needs to be firm. When you can take responsibility for your own actions, self-control is not a problem.
Children are often more greedy for the comfort of the present, and are rarely willing to sacrifice the happiness and comfort in front of them in exchange for future success and happiness.
But when children can look to the future and bravely assume the responsibilities of the present, they will know that that high degree of self-discipline brings high efficiency and high self-confidence. It will also give them a sense of control over their lives and greater freedom.
Join The Rice Jump and grow without worries!
One day the child will understand that self-control is happier than indulgence.
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