The relationship between parents and children can be summed up in one sentence:
"Parents are the compass of a child's life, not the one at the helm."
When children do something wrong and are confused, parents have the obligation to give them some advice and guidance. But the child's path ultimately needs to be walked by himself, and in some places, parents must learn to let go.
Raising children is an art that requires us to put it away freely, and we should manage the places that should be managed, and the places that should not be managed should not be managed.
Li Meijin said, "Now many parents should manage their children when they don't care, but when they shouldn't, they try to manage hard. ”
Most of the problems in children actually come from the fact that parents are confused about the question of "what to manage and what not to manage".
In the matter of education, parents can achieve "two regardless of the three, three are not accustomed", and the child can grow better.
01, two regardless of
1, children can solve their own problems, do not care
Children's independence is gradually cultivated in practice.
With the development of a child's brain and self-awareness, he can gradually learn to dress himself, sleep by himself, and pack up toys with the help of adults.
In this process, he will definitely go through the process of never doing it, not doing it well, to gradually doing it well.
In this process, the child will form a self-feeling of "I can do it" little by little, which is very important.
This feeling is the basis for a child's self-confidence and is the driving force behind the development of independence.
When the child suffers failure, parents should encourage him to do it again, rather than saying "I said you can't do it, I will get away with it", let alone see the child do not do well, just rush to the past to do the work.
2, the child can make their own choices, do not care
The ultimate goal of raising children is to raise a "self-reliant" person.
An important criterion for "self-reliance" is that the child can make independent judgments and choices.
This ability needs to be exercised from an early age.
If a child is a child, what color clothes, shoes, wear autumn pants, how much to eat, what toys to play must be decided by his parents, just imagine when he is faced with "which middle school to choose, what major to choose, what kind of college entrance examination volunteer to fill in, what kind of job and partner to choose..." When he is faced with these life topics, what kind of courage can he have to make choices?
Even if the child's choice is wrong, please let the parents hold back.
Because learning from mistakes is the most important skill in a person's life.
02, three unaccustomed
1. Children do not respect others and cannot get used to it
Now it is often seen that a child becomes the "eldest" of the family, calling and drinking to the adults in the family without the slightest respect.
A mother cried that her child actually beat her, "I hurt him so much, he actually hit me, no conscience!" From childhood to adulthood, I gave him whatever he wanted, and I followed him to whatever he wanted, but in the end I ended up with this fate. ”
Why the child is like this, in fact, it is the parents themselves who spoil the child excessively, so that he becomes self-centered, and if he is slightly unsatisfactory, he will vent his anger on the parents.
It is very dangerous for children who do not know what to respect and live in the "only respect" of what they are.
When he enters society, it is easy to make people stay away. Nature also feels lonely and twisted inside.
"The Road Few" says, "True love is not simply giving, but also appropriate rejection, timely praise, proper criticism, proper argumentation, necessary encouragement, gentle comfort, and effective supervision." ”
2, children have no rules, can not get used to
Although the parenting style of love and freedom is good, there are still rules for children to set in some things.
For example, things that harm the interests of others, can not make loud noises in public places, beat people and bite people, steal and lie, etc.
The child will eventually become a social person, and the necessary rules must be observed.
Social codes of conduct, small can reflect family rules, large can be reflected in the national law. Since everyone grows up in the family first and then enters the society, the family rules are particularly important.
What can be done, what can not be done, parents can acquiesce, can not do, parents need to stop the child at the first time and tell him why.
3, the habit of laziness can not be used
Human nature is lazy, but human growth is actually a process of overcoming nature.
A child who does not love housework and does not love labor since he was a child grows up to suddenly become industrious, and it is basically impossible.
Parents are too doting and doing things instead, which will not only reduce the child's happiness index, but also let the child form an unsound personality such as "giant baby" and "mother treasure".
Letting children take on a certain amount of housework is the best way to cultivate children's tenacity and cooperative spirit. This will be of great benefit to his future studies, life and work.
Write in the last words:
Disciplining children is an art, and one more point, one less point, is a very different result.
Love the child, help him become a better person, rather than allowing the child to develop freely.
When it should be managed, it should be managed, and when it should not be managed, it should be let go.
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