Recommend reading| children love to lose their temper, is the greatest blessing of a family!

When your child loses his temper, what is your inner state?

Is it restless, directly throwing a tantrum and shocking the child?

Or can you manage your emotions and accept your child's temper?

I think most parents are torn between the two.

First, the child loses his temper every time

In fact, it is a good opportunity to learn and grow

Take your child's temper seriously, so that he can get the greatest strength to grow in the acceptance and understanding of his parents.

Try to become a parent who can manage emotions, but this road is doomed to be difficult.

In the face of a child who loses his temper, do you want to beat up the child for a moment?

If you answer this question sincerely, I think most parents should answer yes.

These days my son has a cold, which may be because of discomfort, and his emotions are easy to collapse.

I obviously didn't criticize him, but I spoke in a higher tone, and he would show an angry look.

We who were worried about him would inevitably be angry in our hearts.

At noon, as he fenced the vegetable garden in the exercise book, I leaned over and pulled his book with my hand to see how he was doing.

Unexpectedly, I messed up a few fences he had just put together.

"I've had a hard time spelling it out!" Only to see him crying.

I saw that his emotions had gotten out of control.

"I didn't mean it, I really didn't notice which ones you spelled." I explained it to him.

Usually he would be calmer when he heard my explanation, but today it was useless.

I almost felt his cries fill the room.

Seeing him crying and coughing, I was worried about whether his throat would go dumb again.

At that time, I really wanted to lose my temper so that he could be intimidated by me and become obedient, at least not cry like this.

But I thought about it for a moment, still put up with it, and continued to explain to him: "I didn't lose your materials, nor did I damage them. ”

Then I apologized to him.

He cried a few more times, and he stopped.

I was almost broken, thinking that if it wasn't okay, I would leave first, let myself calm down and then come back.

Seeing him there calm, glad I didn't lose my temper.

Because what's wrong with him? It was I who messed up his stuff and made him lose control.

Many mothers say that raising children should be like this, always have this state of collapse and do not know what to do.

Second, face the child who loses his temper

What can we do

First of all, we must not always see the shortcomings of the child, but let ourselves be able to accept the negative emotions of the child.

It is like looking at the sky at dawn - some people see that the night is layered with the sun, and there is only night in their eyes; others see the light behind the night, and their eyes are full of light.

We look at children, and the same goes for it.

When you see the light in them, the child can certainly see the shining self in your eyes, not the self who is always blamed and hit.

From a psychological point of view, when a person is in a state of anxiety, it is necessary to use the other person's ability to tolerate anxiety to release stress.

That is to say, if one party can accommodate the negative emotions of the other party, and after doing a certain amount of filtering, it is no longer harmful, and the party that produces negative emotions will also become positive.

For children, they are unable to process their emotions, resulting in infinite amplification of emotions, so there is always a moody feeling.

For parents, the ability to recognize emotions is often higher than that of children, so it is necessary to be more patient and tolerant of children as an emotional absorber.

In the face of a child's bad temper, the worst solution is the parents' "cold treatment".

Seeing the child's emotions, accepting them, and dissolving them is an act of wisdom.

Child psychologist Dr. Deborah McNamara said, "Let the child finish the tantrum, and don't try to stop the child from losing his temper." Tantrums are harmless in themselves, and preventing tantrums is. ”

Therefore, when facing children's sudden emotions, we must first understand the reasons, and then face and accept their emotions.

Don't either punch or scold, or lose principle, such results are more likely to be counterproductive.

In addition, we must also tell children the truth that "there is no need to endure it anymore".

As the writer's desk said, "righteous anger", that is, to learn righteous, appropriate anger, to lose your temper correctly.

Temper is never meant to make the child "bow his head", but to make the child "look up".

When others act beyond our own patience, we can fight back like Jordan Jr.

Third, children who can lose their temper

Know more about self-love

I heard a friend say such a thing.

Her son is 7 years old and always wants to play with other children, so he is particularly enthusiastic.

With the idea that "as long as everyone is willing to play with me, I can ignore anything" thinking.

As a result, the children around him always treat him casually, saying that they would not play with him at every turn, and even bullied him.

One second he snatched his things, the next he let him play with them, and immediately farted and tossed along, without even basic self-esteem.

Generally speaking, children with high emotional intelligence in interpersonal communication know how to control emotions and be likable.

In fact, if you sacrifice yourself in the pursuit of friendship, it is not a sign of high emotional intelligence at all.

In order to please others and wronged themselves, in exchange for only gaining more than they lose.

Not knowing how to lose your temper is largely indicative of not understanding self-love.

This "sense of self-imminence" leads children to regard "pandering and obeying" as a gentle and talkative personality, so the behavior lacks a sense of proportion.

Just like Michael Jordan, he never caused trouble when he was a child, and he was very tolerant.

But some naughty children think that he is a coward, and he always likes to bully him when there is nothing to do.

In the end, Jordan's father couldn't take it anymore and told him, "If others don't know that you are a person with a temper, they will bully you even more." ”

Later, when others bullied him again, he pressed the child who was leading among them to the ground.

Since then, no one has dared to bully him again.

Blindly controlling emotions, bad children will be unscrupulous, and obedient children will lose their principles and personality.

Children who know how to love themselves know how to make themselves happy.

Even if you are sad, you know the reason for your sadness, you know how to vent and adjust, and you will not go to extremes.

On this basis, children have their own bottom line and temper, and will also use this as a regulatory tool when socializing.

Maintain your own principles, this is the real high emotional intelligence, is the frank and interesting interaction.

As Cai Kangyong said:

"High emotional intelligence does not mean not losing temper, but to lose your temper reasonably, so that your emotions can be expressed smoothly, and you can be comfortable with yourself, so that you and the world can be happy."

END

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