At all ages in life, there will be all kinds of confusion, and even psychological problems. It's normal, but you know what? In fact, psychologists have conducted a comprehensive study of psychological phenomena and laws in people's lives, and this discipline is developmental psychology.
When I first studied developmental psychology, I really hated each other, and if I had seen it earlier, it would have been nice, so that my confusion might be dispelled. So I strongly recommend that you understand developmental psychology, and there are many related e-books in the APP. It is of great help to our self-awareness and child-rearing.
Today, let's spend ten minutes to listen to my introduction. I started studying psychology last year, passed the counselor exam, and am also taking the master's degree in psychology. I'm just getting started with psychology.
Okay, officially start ha.
Psychologists divide a person's life into eight age groups from front to back, namely infant, toddler, preschool, childhood, adolescence, youth, middle age, and old age. Different ages have different psychological laws and key characteristics, and we follow the trend and understand people's psychology to reduce confusion.
The first stage, in infancy, is roughly 0 to 2 years old.
My son is now over 1 year old and is in this period. The most important development task of the baby is to gain a sense of trust, a person comes to the world in a red stripe, initially has nothing, life can not take care of themselves, so caregivers such as parents, nannies, at this time the impact on the child is very large. We want to give our babies as much care as possible.
There is a method of treating babies called "cry immunity method", that is, as long as the child is fed and warm, no matter how he cries, ignore him, thinking that this can exercise the child's independence. In fact, this practice is very absurd, at this time the baby does not have the idea of being spoiled and spoiled, what he needs is the caregiver's wholehearted comfort and love.
If you are not fully cared for in infancy, then you will doubt and fear the world, and when you grow up, you will have various problems, such as loneliness, indifference, and paranoia.
The second stage, early childhood, roughly corresponds to the age of 2 to 4 years old.
The main development task in this period is to gain a sense of autonomy, young children have learned to walk, talk, more and more hope to explore the world, and even began to hope that they are in charge, the first "rebellious period" of life.
Therefore, on the premise of ensuring safety, parents should let their children explore freely as much as possible, and learn to deal with some things on their own, such as gradually learning to eat, dress, go to the toilet and so on.
The more autonomous a child is, the more he will have a sense of control and willpower over himself.
The third stage, the preschool period, roughly corresponds to the age of 4 to 7 years old.
That is, before children enter primary school and go to kindergarten for several years, the most important development task in this period is to take the initiative, take the initiative to understand the world, take the initiative to understand themselves and the people around them, and so on.
Many parents will be very anxious, let the child at this age on a variety of interest classes, as well as young articulation, in fact, it is not necessary, the most important activity in the preschool is play, not learning. Let him play fully, let go of play, the game is very beneficial to his physical and psychological development. At this time, allowing children to learn too much about literacy, arithmetic, etc., may stifle children's interest in learning.
So I learned this, and after my son is at this age, I know what to do and not be overly anxious.
The fourth stage, childhood, that is, primary school years, is 7 to 12 years old.
The main development task in childhood is to gain a sense of diligence, the main activity is to learn, through hard work and hard work in learning and other aspects, to achieve achievements, to develop abilities, to overcome inferiority. Children know that as long as they work hard, they will have gains and growth. Therefore, the encouragement and positive feedback of parents and teachers are very important.
I was born in a remote mountain village, and most of my children can't go to college, so they have to repeat the fate of their parents and become migrant workers. The reason why I was able to come out was really a small probability event, in which the affirmation of teachers and parents when I was in elementary school played a great role.
I still clearly remember that in elementary school to junior high school, we were going to take an exam, and I did well, at that time, I scored 98 points in mathematics and more than 70 in Chinese, and one of my teachers passed by my door after work and said to my mother: Your son is really good, and the test results are the first in the grade. After I listened to it at that time, the sense of pride and satisfaction is still impressive. Later, I studied more diligently.
The fifth stage, adolescence or adolescence, is 12 to 18 years old.
That is, in junior high school and high school, the main development task at this stage is to establish self-identity, that is, who I am, where I come from, and where I want to go. In short, what kind of person I am.
Adolescence is the second rebellious period of people, people's body gradually matures, and they want to be completely independent psychologically, but they cannot completely get rid of their dependence on their parents, as well as various problems such as learning, making friends, and future choices.
I recently heard a tragic story, in a well-known middle school, there was a girl because the physical education teacher did not give her reasonable grades, her parents did not correctly enlighten, and then the child became depressed, and eventually committed suicide.
I think that in dealing with adolescent children, we must not block, we must be neglected, that is, we must actively guide and enlighten. Of course, I also stand and talk without waist pain, but also need to learn and explore.
The sixth stage, youth, is 18 to 30 or 35 years old.
The most important development task in this period is to obtain a sense of intimacy, that is, family affection, friendship, love, and of course, the most important thing is love. To put it bluntly, young people should fall in love and take the initiative to interact with the opposite sex.
Of course, modern society is free, and a young person does not fall in love, and there is nothing wrong with it, but from the perspective of a person's life, if you do not fall in love in your 20s, it is really a great regret.
The seventh stage, middle age, corresponds to 30 or 35 to 60 years old.
Of course, some people think that after the age of 40 is middle age, there is no absolute standard for division. Anyway, I already think of myself as middle-aged now. The most important development task of middle-aged people is to obtain a sense of reproduction, where reproduction does not only refer to having children, but also to their own continuous growth and avoid stagnation.
Middle-aged people should be responsible for their children and care about their growth, whether as individuals or as human beings, this is a natural mission. But the career development of middle-aged people has entered a critical period, so there are often balance problems between family and career, and working more means spending less time with children; accompanying children more means that the energy invested in work will be reduced.
There is no standard answer to this question, everyone has their own measurements and choices, and my choice is to invest a little more in the family, spend more time with the children, and put work second.
You may have heard two studies, one is to survey a large number of dying elderly people, ask them what regrets they have in life, most of them say that they regret not spending more time with their families, and almost no one says that they regret not spending more time at work.
There is also a study that a team in the United States has been following and interviewing dozens of people from all walks of life for decades, from their birth to old age, and interviewing them every few years, a bit like the British documentary "Seven Years of Life", one of the results of the study is that the biggest source of a person's happiness is good interpersonal relationships, not other wealth and status.
So, as a middle-aged person, I want to put my family first and my lover and children first.
In addition, speaking of the self-growth of middle-aged people, this is also a sense of reproduction. The best way to avoid a midlife crisis is lifelong learning, which is not what I said, but what psychologists say. Why do some middle-aged people feel empty because they have not continued to grow anymore, and if a person continues to learn new knowledge and new skills, they will definitely feel fulfilled and satisfied
I have a friend, who is almost 50 years old now, is a middle-level cadre of the bank, and his son has gone to college, and now this stage is very comfortable, the work has been very smooth, the income is very good, and there is no burden in life. He didn't choose to lie flat, and in his spare time he mainly did two things: fitness, study. The figure is well-proportioned and muscular. In terms of learning, reading and practicing speeches, he hopes that after he retires, he can become a lecturer in the field of finance, give lectures to others, and exert value. I think that's what a motivated middle-aged man should look like.
My personal plan is to do a good job as a trainer, and at the same time there are two directions to study, one is to write, write an article a day, write 200,000 words a year, and hope to become half a writer and continue to write. Another direction is psychology, the last two years of the plan is to be admitted to the Master of Psychology of Zhejiang University, last year's exam written test did not pass, this year continues, now more certain, later through the psychology of this theory and skills, help themselves, help others, this direction can also continue to do.
The eighth stage, old age, after the age of 60.
In the future hundred years of life, the old age will become longer and longer, and the main development task of this period is to obtain a sense of perfection and be a wise old man. Although the body is aging, the life experience and wisdom can continue to be maintained, and even like Zhongnan Shan, Yang Chen, Ji Xianlin, etc., they can continue to create value.
The above is the eight stages of people's psychological development, for your reference, today this is just a brick and stone, you can read books related to developmental psychology, understand the psychological laws of people, for themselves, children and parents, they also know what they need to do, so as to reduce confusion, live more clearly, more transparent.
