Seeing children rubbing and procrastinating, parents always can't help but turn on the "crazy urging" mode:
"Hurry up and eat, don't rub it";
"You're going to be late soon, you hurry up and get dressed and put on your shoes";
"Hurry up and wash up, it's late and you still don't sleep";
Children procrastinate and rub things, parents are also looking in the eyes, anxious in the heart, urge the child, may be more and more slow, do not get angry; do not urge it, and can not help it.
In the morning, on the way back from school, the daughter saw a mother in the community pulling the child while counting the road:
"How many times have I urged you in the morning, called you up from 7 o'clock, and the result was that I couldn't get up at any point";
"If you don't have enough breakfast, you'll be hungry;"
"Now it's late to see how the teacher punishes you";
Wen Wen's father looked at the child who bowed his head and did not speak, and he looked like he was about 3 years old. Listening to the number of children's mothers, Wen Wen's father remembered that when his daughter went to primary class, eating, sleeping, and going to school were very grinding.
It wasn't until after reading some books on parenting psychology that Wenwen Dad realized that the friction of children before the age of 3 was not really rubbing, but their weak time views and limited ability could not be done.
According to research findings, children before the age of 2 do not have any concept of time, and children at this age are the most relaxed and comfortable in life, completely living in the present, not remembering the past, and not afraid of the future;
When the child is about 3 years old, he slowly has some preliminary understanding of time, but his understanding is limited, and he can only distinguish the time of the past, present, and future, and has no concept of the specific 10 minutes and 20 minutes.
Basically, it is not clear until the child is 4 or 5 years old to clearly describe what was done that day, but it is still not clear to what time period it is.
Therefore, children before the age of 3 have rubbing behavior, not that they really want to rub, but they are not yet able to distinguish time, can not complete specific things at the specific time required by their parents, and need to have a process of growth.
01
Before my daughter was 5 years old, she was also rubbing, and I and her mother were often urging, especially in eating, washing, sleeping, and getting up;
Eating: Each time the daughter eats a meal, it takes at least 50 minutes, or even 1 hour, either to eat for a while, play for a while, or to touch the east and cut the west. Anyway, when it's time for dinner, all kinds of problems follow;
Washing: Every night when it's time to wash, her mom won't get up without a stick. Several times it was adults getting angry, children crying...
Sleep: from going to bed to falling asleep, not tossing for 1 and a half hours, hardly sleeping, lying in bed, she either wants to drink water, or go to the toilet, but also tell stories, really tired.
Getting up: Often the first 3 times to cry and not to move, the fourth time to move, the fifth time to cry and cry very reluctantly sit up, eyes are not open, sitting without clothes.
The state of Wen Wen's father's family at that time was almost all kinds of urging, and if he couldn't do it, he would take a stick, and every day in a vicious circle, very annoyed.
Wen Wen's father remembered once, Wen Wen's grandmother returned to her hometown, I and her mother wanted to have a morning meeting, I wanted to send her to the kindergarten early, but she just did not cooperate, after all kinds of rubbing, procrastination, finally had to carry the bag out of the door, the result was that she had to go to the toilet again, and it was 10 minutes to come out.
So I couldn't help but shout, "What are you rubbing, don't you know that Mom and Dad are waiting for you?" ”
The daughter cried and said, "I'm still a little child, how fast are you adults?" ”
It is precisely because of this sentence that Wen Wen and I both feel that the child is right, the child himself is slow to do things, and it is only us adults who are anxious.
Therefore, I made an appointment with my wife to find a day to test it, and did not urge her at all to see how hard she really rubbed.
After some testing, she found that she went to school 10 minutes later than usual, ate 8 minutes slower than usual, and went to bed 20 minutes later.
It only added up to 38 minutes, so since then, my wife and I have not been urging our daughter, and surprisingly, after a period of time, my daughter has become more and more disciplined, and often shouts to do it.
02
Wen Wen's father compared his daughter's non-rubbing behavior with the previous rubbing behavior, and found that the more adults urged the child, the more the child rubbed, and even the lines did not move, which may be these reasons.
Urge several times, suggesting that the child can rub
In the past, after urging her daughter several times, the wife would hold a stick and shout "1, 2, 3" in her mouth, which means that if she does not come to 3, she will be beaten.
Later, several times, my daughter would say, "Mom, you shout 1, 2, 3, and I will come when you shout 3."
Later, I analyzed with my wife that shouting this "1, 2, 3" will make the child habitually urged, and the psychology will have such a process:
Shout "1": the child does not care at all, thinking that the mother is just telling, anyway, the back will be urged;
Shout "2": The daughter knows that her mother is going to be angry, so she seizes the time to play again;
Shout "3": The daughter knows that her mother is really going to be angry, and if she does not act, she will be beaten, so she begins to act.
Shouting "1, 2, 3" is undoubtedly a hint to the child: before the mother counts "3", I can rub it for a while.
Often urged, children are easy to develop dependence
If the child is often urged by her parents, in fact, she will give her a hint: her mother will definitely look at me.
The result is that when the parents are in the child's body, the child will eat well and write homework; if he is not around, he will not do it.
03
Wen Wen Dad once in the brush video, found a parenting coffee shared two tricks, specializing in the treatment of children rubbing, Wen Wen Dad tried for a period of time, found it very useful, share with you:
Tell your child what to do first and what to do later
In the past, when her daughter was eating, she always liked to run to play with toys, and then Wenwen's father said to her: "You can eat first, and then play with toys"; don't say "don't do anything" to your children.
This not only respects the child's ideas, but also invisibly helps the child plan the time.
Say only one thing to your child at a time
In the past, the wife urged her daughter to wash, and always liked to say: "Come and brush your teeth, take a bath, and sleep", the child will feel that there are too many things to do when he hears it, and the psychology will be rejected;
Later, I suggested that my wife only say one thing to the child at a time, and when she is done, she will talk about the next thing.
For example, "Baby, let's brush our teeth," and when she's done, we'll say, "Now, let's wash our faces."
After several such tests, Wen Wen's father found that the effect was very good, and his daughter's rubbing behavior was greatly improved.
In fact, many times, it is not that the children are too abrasive, but the adults are too anxious! Due to their young age, children themselves cannot keep up with the rhythm of adults when doing many things.
Therefore, parents should allow their children to grow up slowly, accept and agree with the child's friction from the heart, let the child feel and arrange time according to their own rhythm, and then grow up slowly.
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