Love language: point out the child's contribution, thank the child's encouragement = the child's specific behavior + the impact of the behavior.
Example: You can pack up your toys and tidy up the living room so cleanly that things are neatly arranged, not only does it look refreshing, but it is also very convenient to find things. When Dad came back, he would be in a good mood when he saw such a clean home. It means you can take care of your own things and take care of your family!
Remarks: The following content is shared by the teachers of the College of Quasi-Mention, and the Love Language Psychology Column is sorted out!
Teacher Che:
Isn't it easy to educate your child? Speaking of, in fact, it is very simple, there is time, parents accompany their children more, have the opportunity, encourage and encourage children, it is OK.
Therefore, I am very grateful to our college for letting me take a course in TA psychology and understand the essentials of raising children. Therefore, no matter how busy I am, I will find time to play with my child several times a week, and as long as I am with my child, I will accompany him wholeheartedly. After all, high-quality short-term companionship must be more meaningful than low-quality long-term companionship.
It can be said that in the pacification of children, as a father, I still do my best.
As a parent, it is possible that your work is really busy, but since you choose your child, then you are responsible for the growth of your child. You're busy today, you're busy tomorrow, you can't be busy seven days a week, right? You can't be busy all the time 365 days a year, right?
If you are really busy, it is okay to take three or five minutes a day to accompany your children, right? If only you were
Can't be around the child, take a few minutes a day and the child to see the frequency, talk to the child, there is always no problem, right? Don't take your busyness as an excuse anymore, as long as you have the heart, you will definitely be able to find time and methods, after all, now science and technology is so developed, right?
In the community, I saw a lot of children, usually basically mothers or grandmothers, grandmothers, rarely see their fathers appear.
Why?
One is the traditional Chinese dross, which believes that it is all a woman's business to take children. Another point is that men voluntarily give up or do not value their role as fathers.
From a psychological point of view, the role of the father has a great influence on the child's mental model, mind, and pattern. Therefore, if parents want their children Jackie Chan, Cheng Feng, fathers must not be absent and become invisible fathers!
Let's talk about the child's psychology.
Once the child was out of school and I went to pick him up again. Good guys, most of the parents waiting at the school gate are moms, or grandparents, grandparents, and very few dads. My child probably didn't expect me to go, but the moment he saw me, his eyes lit up at once, and before he could say hello to the teacher, he ran over and threw himself into my arms.
The other children also looked at my child with a very surprised, magical, and even envious expression, and I observed that there was another father's child who did the same.
You see, it is a simple pick-up of the child from school, see the father go, the child can be so happy, if the father can still take time to play games with the child, talk about the heart, how happy the child must be!
Therefore, parents should pay attention to accompanying their children. Maybe you won't say too many nice things, but as long as you are willing to spend time playing with your child, your child can feel his importance, at least, he is easy to form a "I am good" psychological cognition.
If the child does not get such companionship, does not get the necessary comfort, does not get enough father's love, his psychological cognition must be "I am not good", there will be a more inferior and sensitive mentality, doing things will certainly not be brave to move forward, encounter setbacks can easily collapse.
Of course, the psychological status is not unchangeable, for example, a person always enters this psychological position that I am not good. What is my bad? It is a bad evaluation of myself: I don't do things well, I'm not good, I'm not capable, and so on. These are not good things in my heart, not based on the facts of the moment.
So, can we think about it from another angle?
Of course!
Maybe I can't sing well, but I dare to go on stage to prove that I am brave; maybe I don't speak English well, but I remember words very well..... We can think about the same thing from a different perspective, can't we? When we can think from multiple angles about the same thing, our views on ourselves will also open up space, and we will not fall into my bad attachments.
Another point is that our "I'm not good" psychological status is formed when we interact with our parents as a child, and it has nothing to do with our present, we can make new judgments about ourselves, after all, we are no longer the childhood we were, right?
For example, when you were three years old, you made a decision and said, I'm not good, hello, but now that you're thirty years old, can you decide again whether it's good or bad? We have a choice.
Maybe you say, blame your parents, parents are a scourge, if it weren't for my parents, I wouldn't have such a psychological status.
It is true that the parenting model of parents may have shaped the way we perceive things now, but we cannot say that parents did not do their best to give them the best love they can, right?
After all, every parent was once a child, he grew up so much, there are no perfect parents, no perfect children, and there is no perfect life, it is with these imperfections that life has more possibilities.
Now that we have grown up, the current environment is completely different from the previous environment, we have new friends, colleagues, naturally we should use a different way to interact with them than when we were children, because they are not our parents, right?
Psychological status is like the glasses we recognize ourselves to judge others, if you wear this pair of glasses that are not suitable, can't see clearly, or make you uncomfortable, you change a pair of glasses to wear, right? When we consciously change our cognitive glasses, our psychological status is naturally adjusted. Until you adjust to the state that the relationship between each other is healthy, happy, and nourishing, you will naturally adjust to the best state--- Hello, I am in a good psychological state!"
Learn TA, help grow, love language to accompany you!