To share with you a real sleep problem caused by separation anxiety in children, this case made me a little heartbroken, the mother said that she yelled at the child every night because the child resisted not sleeping, how not to sleep, and the child cried and fell asleep every time.
This mother is a school counselor, the child went back to work after 6 months, every day after coming back very tired, but also have to coax the child to sleep, but do not know why, the child is particularly sticky to her, a will have to read a book, have to read several books, after reading also have to chat, tell stories, drag for more than an hour without sleep, the mother can't bear it, began to yell at the child, the child wow wow crying, crying for more than half an hour and finally sobbing and falling asleep.
This situation lasted for more than half a month, and my mother felt powerless and asked me if there was any way to get the child to sleep quickly.
I think any mom can tell that the cause of this sleep problem isn't in the child, but in the mom.
This mother probably doesn't understand what separation anxiety is, nor does she understand her child's need for love.
Emotional factors that cannot be ignored ---- separation anxiety
Previously we discussed a variety of physiological factors affecting sleep, objective environmental factors, methods and techniques, in fact, for sleep, emotional factors are also very critical, because it directly affects the emotional state of children's sleep:
Safe, calm, gentle, happy emotions are easier to fall asleep, and sleeping more peacefully anxious, fearful, sad, and angry emotions can lead to difficulty falling asleep and frequent waking up
Separation anxiety in the narrow sense refers to the separation of the child and the mother, and in a broad sense, all changes that are different from the child's previous familiar environment will cause the child's anxious emotions, such as:
Mothers return to the workplace, which is the most common situation to replace new caregivers, such as the previous mother to take care, now replaced by the elderly, or replaced by a childcare sister-in-law to go to kindergarten or change kindergartens to take children back to their hometown, go out for a long time to travel, etc
These situations can bring about "separation" and "change", for children, can not be expressed in words, can only be expressed by sleep problems such as frequent waking up.
Then you may ask, why doesn't my child have sleep problems? I also went to work, and every child will have separation anxiety, which is beyond doubt, but the intensity of the performance is different because:
Each child has a different personality, the performance in the face of change and separation will be different, other people's children cry less, does not mean that all children cry less, different from person to person. The difference in the way of raising, the cultivation of children's sense of security in each family is different, and the sense of security and adaptability of children raised by multiple people and the mother alone are different, and cannot be generalized.
How to reduce the impact of separation anxiety on your child's sleep
You see that I use the word "lower" instead of "eliminate" and "avoid", and I personally feel that the sleep problem caused by separation anxiety cannot be completely avoided, eliminated, and it will most likely appear.
Here we need to emphasize that the separation anxiety that has an impact on sleep does not specifically refer to the mother and the child, but mainly between the adopter and the child, some children are born after the elderly are raised, and the elderly sleep at night, this situation even if the mother goes to work, still sleeps with the elderly at night, and the impact of separation anxiety on sleep may not be so large.
On the contrary, if the old man wants to leave for a period of time and sleep with his mother, the anxiety of the separation of the child and the old man will lead to night awakening.
On the other hand, if we use the right method to guide our children through separation anxiety, it will also make the sleep problem end faster.
1. Deliberately practice separation one month in advance, from short to long
Because of the existence of anxiety, the child will be afraid that the mother will go away after falling asleep at night, and it will disappear, so it will continue to wake up to see, if the child knows that the mother will not leave after falling asleep, and will come back after work, there is no worry.
Therefore, we need to help the child adapt to the process of "the mother is gone--- and then come back" at least a month in advance, as follows:
The first week of separation 5-10 minutes, tell the child that I am going out, come back in a moment, and then with hugs, kisses as a goodbye ceremony, go out and close the door, and then come back on time, especially happy to say to the child, I am back, I miss you so much. Separation for 30 minutes in the second week, with the same farewell ceremony and homecoming ceremony, greeting the child In the third week, the separation time is extended to an hour, and the fourth week The mother can be separated in the morning or afternoon
When the child continues to experience the feeling that the mother is gone and comes back, you can understand the truth that the mother will not disappear, if we tell the child to go to work on the day of work, and come back at night, the child will certainly not understand ah, anxiety will continue to the evening.
Here we need to pay attention to not sneaking away because you are afraid of your child crying, which will destroy your child's sense of security.
2. Let the child adapt to the new adopter's sleep method in advance
After the mother goes to work, under normal circumstances, the night's sleep is still borne by herself, but the daytime sleep is another family, if the child is always the mother alone to sleep, and rely on milk to sleep, suddenly changed to the adopter with a hug to sleep, shake the way to sleep, the child may not accept, during the day nap will appear turbulence, such as no sleep, sleep not long, etc.
The consequences of daytime napping are reflected in nighttime sleep.
3. Find a comforter for your child
The role of the comforter is to replace the mother to carry the child's emotions, when the mother is not there, the child will feel safe when he sees the comforter, and when he sleeps and wakes up at night, he will not be so anxious to touch the comforter.
Each child's preferences are different, the mother should choose the comforter according to the child's preferences, the better way is to take the child directly to the store to choose.
Before I thought a certain brand of plush dinosaurs are very cute, soft and comfortable to touch, spent more than two hundred to buy back to prepare as a comfort for his son, the result is that he did not like, and then he picked a small kitten at IKEA, only spent more than twenty dollars, and when he slept, he had to hold the kitten in his arms.
My friend's child's comforter is a small quilt from the small cover, said that there is a mother's taste, now four or five years old to sleep must hold the small quilt, but the quilt held for a long time to wash, the child does not let wash, so the friend prepared exactly the same 3 for washing.
4. When you wake up at night, your mother will wait and then deal with it
If the child wakes up at night, the mother should not rush to comfort, the child may touch the mother, and will continue to fall asleep after peace of mind, if we act hastily, it is equivalent to helping.
We can pretend to continue sleeping, or put our hands on the child, and if the child starts to cry, the mother will put the child back to sleep by hugging or milking.
I don't recommend that my mother take too long to solve the night awakening, because the next day to work, if you spend too much time at night to solve the night awakening, the next day the mother is not in good spirits, it is difficult to cope with work.
Going back to the case at the beginning of the article, what is the solution? Quite simply, there is no advanced skill, that is, the mother comes back every day to interact with the child sincerely, play a parent-child game, hug, kiss, say to the child that the mother loves you, miss you, stop the reprimand of the child, and see the child's psychological needs to resist sleep.
Raising children is a gradual and distant practice for parents, separation is a compulsory course, I believe that through the love of mothers, children will quickly overcome sleep problems.