This is an era of rapid change, everything is changing rapidly, when the Eastern and Western cultures, traditions and modern times meet in this pluralistic era, parents and children will inevitably undergo the baptism of "thinking resistance", and it is inevitable that there will be conceptual conflicts and contradictions.
01
Recently, a boy in Changsha, Hunan Province, because of his love of Hanfu, has a tense relationship with his family, and because he is rejected for pursuing girls, resulting in an emotional breakdown, sitting on a railing wearing Hanfu and wanting to take his life.
After the police arrived at the scene, they launched a search and rescue in the waters, but unfortunately the man's body was found the next day. The man's hanfu had been washed away by the water, and when he called to ask his family, his father said he "didn't know this person."
This sentence of "not knowing" nakedly speaks to the difficulty of the current family education problem: a sentence of "I understand you" or "understand" has become a luxury for the growth of the child's family, and it is really all kinds of people feel sad. Whether it is a parent or a child, everyone is moving forward in a fast-paced, stressful society, if you can not communicate and understand well, perhaps the parents and children's hearts are the same helpless pain, the same dead loneliness.
In families with a high incidence of parent-child conflict, parents usually have to maintain their own majesty and are unwilling to put their bodies at ease, let alone patiently wait for their children to pour out their ins and outs. New things emerge in real life, and although parents are very experienced, they cannot guarantee that they are 100% correct. Many times, it is by their own intuitive judgment that they forcibly prohibit children from contacting the "forbidden areas" that adults consider, which also stimulates the children's rebellious psychology.
02
Let's talk about the poor boy who drowned because he was wearing Hanfu.
In fact, this thing itself may not be in the "Hanfu" itself, it is just a fuse. What is exposed is that in the daily life of the family, children and parents themselves are not "on the same frequency", and there is a lack of effective communication in normal times, not to mention empathy, empathy, empathy, empathy and the like.
Only when the child's basic psychological requirements of inner autonomy, self-confidence and interpersonal connection are met, can intrinsic motivation be generated and interest in learning and work be maintained. The so-called "connection" means that the maintenance of this relationship depends on the "understanding of you" and mutual understanding of others, especially parents. Only in this way can parents form a positive inspiration for their children, and children will also be a kind of "mentor and friend" respect for their parents.
Children love something, such as opera, such as Hanfu, parents should not be overly nervous when they see that these things have nothing to do with books. We can safely and boldly buy some relevant professional books for children to guide children, at least to cultivate children's reading habits.
Further, opera can cultivate children's style, start to play movements and use of breath, and refine the body; hanfu can open children's "classical" cells, and may also help their future history and language learning.
Rousseau once said that curiosity, as long as it is well guided, can become the motivation for children to seek knowledge.
Many times, children will ask some whimsical questions, and some parents will gradually lose patience. The wisest way to educate is to encourage children to think, and one day, the seeds of curiosity will take root and bear fruit that surprises parents and teachers.
03
Parents really need to learn, not only to catch up with the times.
There are too many things that change in the times, we can guard the unchanging spiritual soul in our hearts, and on this basis, we must constantly revise and update our own ideas, the so-called "living to learn from old age". Traditional culture also teaches us that "the Tao is impermanent" and "the law is impermanent", and the useful knowledge today may be eliminated tomorrow, but the day after tomorrow he may also be "resurrected" and re-recognized! Learn some of the thinking of the I Ching, master the "easy thinking", and better understand the benefits of "living to learn from old age".
Parents want to "learn", not necessarily to learn a professional course, or learn all the children's homework, but in a broad sense, Chinese medicine, exercise, reading, poetry, music, speech, painting, yoga, clothing, cooking... You can learn a little bit about it. The most important thing is to form such a mentality: 1. Parents are the guides; 2. Even if you really learn unfamiliar content, that is, when you grow up with your children, your heart and your children are consistent at the moment, so no matter what you learn, it is easier to find methods and shortcuts.
If the child likes good food, parents need to read some Chinese medicine books of the same origin as medicine and food, telling the child which foods meet the seasons and which ones are more suitable and healthier to eat.
When the child is immersed in a literature book, do not interrupt the child, guide the child to plan a recent reading list, you can also wander with the child in the literature...
In reality, many parents want to let their children have hobbies on the one hand; on the other hand, they are worried about affecting their children's grades, so they do things against their hearts or willingly to "stifle" their children's interests, so that children are always afraid of you, and "I understand you" has become an empty phrase.
Actually, it doesn't have to be!
04
The starting point of our education is to educate people, and knowledge is only a tool, a process, not a goal.
If parents can let their children form a passion for a happy life and form their own unique style of doing things through the guidance of knowledge, then his life is particularly confident, and he will also pour great enthusiasm into small families and big countries, and form a sound personality. I think such a parent is a very successful parent!
The biggest worry of many parents is still, what should the child do with learning?
But first, parents need to know that cultivating after-school interest will not affect learning. In the short term, the benefits of interest in learning may not be seen, but in the long run, as long as it can be actively guided, it will promote the development of all aspects of children, including learning.
Children are not interested in learning, do not "one size fits all" to stifle children's various interests, do not let the child's vision, only a few fixed courses such as Chinese, mathematics, and English remain.
We found that many wise parents are often Chinese medicine masters, Tuina masters, health care masters, because Chinese medicine itself is very commonly used in life, parents taste a little "sweetness", will continue to learn unremittingly, and finally look back, Chinese medicine is not so difficult to learn.
In the same way, the same is true of children's learning! Cultivating children's hobbies does not conflict with the formal curriculum, and we should even "live" the formal curriculum of the school.
For example, when a child is interested in a leaf or a flower, we should not stop it, and do not say that the leaves and flowers on the side of the road are stained with dust and so on. We can patiently point to a leaf or flower and tell the child its scientific name, so that the child will gain some knowledge in nature or biology class; we can also teach him how to describe flowers and leaves in good language, or teach him to recite poems about flowers and leaves, so that the child invisibly increases the language connotation; even, if we observe the shape of a leaf or petal, especially when it resembles geometric shapes or functional images in mathematics, we can also guide the child to the basic knowledge of mathematics.
In short, integrate classroom knowledge into life, and introduce interests in life into the curriculum, so that children will not feel that learning is a particularly boring and useless thing. Of course, the parent is also a person who has requirements for himself, and he must also be a figure who "lives to learn from old age".
05
There is a father and son "Johnny and Dad" on Douyin, who personally participate in the "life experiment" every day to popularize the scientific principles to fans, and introduce life philosophy, which resonates with countless parents!
This is the "living" and "experiential sense" of knowledge!
Not long ago, when I was taking the elevator at the subway station, I also met such a similar father, who accompanied a six- or seven-year-old child to take the elevator together, and the child was very interested in some characters on the elevator.
Child: Dad, there are numbers on the elevator: three hundred grams.
Dad: That's the maximum weight of the elevator, it should be 3000 kg, you count carefully, there are 3 zeros after 3, is it three thousand.
Kid: Yes, Dad.
Dad: That kg is the English abbreviation for "kilogram", which is the abbreviation for kilogram.
The child said wildly: Hmm. I drink 1,000 grams of water a day.
Dad: Not 1,000 grams, it's 1,000 milliliters; adults like me drink 1,500 to 2,000 milliliters of water a day. And drink water do not drink drinks and pure water, to drink boiled water or mineral water to be healthier.
Kid: Got it, Dad! I will drink boiled water and mineral water in the future!
From this simple conversation, there is a lot of content in the classroom. However, these problems come from real life, from the daily life of children riding the elevator, and even include mathematical symbols, English words, physical units of measurement and common sense of health and wellness.
Integrate the knowledge from books into the child's life, the child will naturally use it in life, and then find problems from life, which is a virtuous circle. Moreover, because of the child's personal experience, the memory and impression of knowledge are more solid, and the thinking is more divergent. Of course, this father did a great job too!
Some people say that my father may have been an intellectual, with a certain amount of knowledge and vision, but we reflect that the knowledge he used is indeed the most basic common sense. In any case, the father's educational attitude of "educating in life" is very worth learning, and parents who can communicate with their children in this way will understand their children better. Of course, the methods are diverse, but no matter what the way, only truly "understanding you" will not fail to live up to the innate curiosity of children, the innate ability to learn, and their lasting motivation to grow happily!