Author | Shinobu
Image | Internet
Remember the phrase "My dad is Li Gang" that once went viral all over the Internet?
In 2010, a black car knocked two freshman girls several meters away in the Hebei University community, killing people.
And the perpetrator, that is, Li Qiming, the second generation of the official who shouted "My father is Li Gang", drunk driving and hitting people not only did not stop, but also arrogantly shouted under the security guards: "Look at me scraping the car!" Do you know who my dad is? ”
For a time, it aroused the anger of the whole society and set off a collective condemnation nationwide.
Now, 12 years later, Li Qiming has long been released from prison, what is the current situation between him and his father Li Gang?
Li Qiming's "History of Domination"
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In 1988, Li Qiming was born in a family of powerful people, his father was the deputy director of the Public Security Bureau, his mother was a high-level intellectual, and he enjoyed the treatment of "gongzi", stretching out his hands from his small clothes and opening his mouth with food.
The doting of his parents made him arrogant and arrogant, and he had no one in sight.
He grew up freely in indulgence and willfulness, not only ranking at the bottom of his class, often bumping into teachers, but also often picking quarrels and provoking trouble, fighting and fighting, becoming a "chaotic demon king" that everyone avoided.
His parents came out early and returned late every day, busy with no time to take care of him, there was not much time to accompany him, and when they had time to meet, they always dropped a pile of money, and then hurriedly opened.
This lack of doting and discipline made Li Qiming, the "second generation official," disregard the law and discipline, and eventually paid a painful price.
It is reported that during Li Qiming's imprisonment, Li Gang did not come to visit his son once.
At the beginning of the collective condemnation and public opinion of the whole society, Li Gang was also removed from his post, and for many years, he disappeared from people's sight and disappeared without a trace.
After serving 12 years in prison, the arrogant teenager was gone, he was no longer the darling of society, the situation was desolate, and he had to live with difficulty when he was unable to adapt.
Over the years, he worked as a car washer, a promoter, a painter... The case is entangled, life has no place, and his father's absence has made him a "veritable" orphan, living a miserable life in the white eyes and prejudices of others.
He wept bitterly and repented of his mistakes, but it was too late.
The incident of Li Qiming is worthy of our deep consideration, the influence of the family on the child is profound and subtle, and the excessive doting of parents is the most direct and effective way to destroy a child.
Love without principles and bottom lines is like a ship without a compass and a helm for the child, and when it can't find the direction, it can only rampage, and eventually it will only hit the reef and sink the ship.
Nietzsche once said, "Self-control is self-control." That is to say, you have to resist the desires that are entrenched in your heart, not be swayed by desires, and become the masters of your own actions. ”
The assets of parents are not the capital that children show off, and only by truly teaching children to be down-to-earth can he walk his own path, know how to be grateful, and keep forging ahead.
Habits are like killing children
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The French educator Rousseau once said: "Do you know what methods you use to make your children unfortunate people?" This method is to be obedient to him. ”
Coddling is a common problem in many Chinese families. As everyone knows, the word "coddling" is enough to raise a child.
Love and coddling are only one word apart, but the effect is diametrically opposed.
Many parents often say that the suffering they suffered when they were young cannot let their children experience the same suffering, and when they give their children everything without restriction, it is actually a way of self-compensation.
Eating and wearing, educational resources, must use the most expensive and the best, even if life is tired and bitter, can not let the child lose on the starting line.
However, on this invisible line, what surrounds it is the infinite anxiety of parents.
Parents are doting and cannot raise independent children.
The excessive arrangement of parents will make children lose the opportunity to explore themselves in the process of growing up, and then they will not have the joy of discovering new things.
Not only that, eating to feed and pack a lot of bags will only make his children unable to grow up, and then gradually lose the ability to be independent.
The incident of "Guizhou junior high school students will not peel eggs" once swept through the circle of friends of many parents, and it was also like a thunderbolt, blowing up the "truth" behind how many packaged families.
When a junior high school student in Guizhou received the eggs in the breakfast box, only 6 of the 45 students would peel the egg shell, how ironic and shocking!
The phenomenon that students cannot take care of themselves is not in the minority.
Many parents are distressed about their children, afraid that their housework will affect their learning, so they feel that they can help to do some as much as possible, and think that it is better to wait for them to grow up in nature.
However, labor ability and quality education are the same, when you did not master it when you were a child, how can you live independently when you grow up?
Coddling, can not raise a child with strong resistance to frustration.
Psychologically, a child's initial "self-image" comes from the object of the parent. Therefore, for children, parental evaluation is the most important source of cognition for children.
If the child is constantly indoctrinated with the deepening self-image of "you are the best" and "you cannot be surpassed", then the child will have the paranoid cognition of "I am invincible".
Once this cognition is formed and deepened over time, then the child's ability to resist setbacks will be reduced, and gradually become a person who "can't afford to lose", and then when parents educate their children about setbacks, it is too late.
Coddling, which sounds like too much love for children, is actually a kind of "wrong love", a kind of "selfish love".
Taking their own ideas as the center and blindly instilling will only make children become selfish, do not know how to be grateful, weak in ability to resist setbacks, and easily form character defects such as loneliness, willfulness, and selfishness in doting...
Habitual children are like killing children, stop using the name of "love" to raise children into "giant babies", which is a serious dereliction of duty of parents.
The best gift for children,
It is to cultivate his independent personality
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Montessori said: We are accustomed to serving children, which is not only a kind of enslavement for them, but also dangerous.
Pampering without drowning, loving and moderate, teaching children to be self-reliant in rules is the only way for children to grow up physically and mentally, and it is also the necessary social ability for children to enter society.
Love must have principles and rules.
Pampering children is the instinct of many parents, but loving children must also have a degree and a sense of proportion, so that children can grow in the rules and become a good teenager who is disciplined.
The two daughters of U.S. President Barack Obama, one dreaming of becoming an actor and fashion designer, the other wanting to be a rock star, as a father, Obama did not stop them, but invited their idols to meet on the day they moved into the White House.
But Obama also made it clear that his two daughters were not allowed to bring electronics into school, and they were not allowed to appear on the Disney idol drama "Hannah Montana" and so on.
Raising children, the parents' pampering attitude determines the quality of education, and it is in a relaxed manner that children establish a sense of rules, so that they have a degree in their hearts and stop their actions.
American parenting expert Searle said: Love children need to be appropriate, and there are scales and boundaries for expressing love. Only in this way will love not become a cover for perversion.
Only children who grow freely in the rules can have a certain sense of boundaries and independence on the road to growth.
Parents know how to let go, which is the first step for children to become independent.
To let children learn to be independent, parents must first understand "laziness" and let children do their own things.
For example, in dealing with housekeeping such as wearing clothes, eating, folding quilts, etc., start from small things, let children form certain good habits, and then continuously improve their self-discipline.
Parents let go, children can go to a broader world, only after experiencing the wind and rain, can they become eagles that spread their wings and fly.
Willing to let children suffer hardships, children can bravely face the road to the future, can become more tenacious, tenacious, and can have a certain ability to resist setbacks.
Balzac said: Suffering is the teacher of life.
Teach children to endure hardships, and children can face them more bravely in the environment of adversity, so that they will not cower and dare not move forward.
There is a British proverb that says: A spoiled child cannot become a great instrument.
Coddling is the killer who deprives the child of going to self-reliance and learning to be grateful, and it is the fence that prevents the child from growing up and mature.
Break the shackles of coddling, let children become independent in love and rules, have the courage and strength to face difficulties, be carefree, and experience their own life.
End