Nowadays, people's attitudes towards education are constantly improving, no longer the stick education of the past, but the desire to adopt a more moderate and scientific method of education. However, this is still a bumpy road for Chinese parents to explore.
1
Love is not equal to control, and letting go is not equal to not being indifferent
Chinese parents are probably the best parents in the world, and there is nothing parents who don't worry about every stage from the birth of their children to adulthood.
But is this kind of worry about everything and all-round care really good for children? Is it really what children want? In fact, the meticulous love of parents may become a kind of harm.
Loving children is not loving to control children. The Bible says, "Know that your child is not yours, he is an angel sent by God, and you are only responsible for your care." ”
Children come into this world through you, but they do not come because of you, they are by your side, but they do not belong to you.
Many parents in life often regard their children as private property, regard their children as the next continuation of life, and hope to make up for the regrets in their lives through their children.
There are also many parents who love their children and are eager to help their children, trying to use their life's experience to avoid the risks that their children may encounter on the road of life.
As a result, parents began to have many unreasonable expectations of their children, began to take over the child's life, and even began to arrange his life.
But don't forget, we can do things for our children, but we can't grow up for them. As an independent individual, children ultimately have to face problems and solve problems on their own.
Parents should learn to let go and learn to quit. Letting go does not mean not loving, does not mean not caring, does not mean not helping. Letting go is not a quick knife to cut through the mess, but a gradual process with the growth of children.
Letting go is not "leave you alone", not to give up love, but to "withdraw" from the child's side, only to provide care in the moment when he needs it, and to give him timely assistance when he can't discern the direction.
Letting go is not rushing to pick him up when the child is toddler and falls, but to give him encouragement; it is to solve the problem for the child when he encounters problems, but to give him advice.
2
Without "weaning", the child will never grow up
From the perspective of love, parents always feel that their children have not yet grown up, and always think that their own arrangements and interventions in their children's lives are because they "do not understand things", as everyone knows, even if the children are over thirty years old, they will not be able to truly mature, let alone smoothly integrate into society and pick up the burden of the family.
If a person is always dependent on his parents, he will never learn to face society independently, let alone live independently. People are inert psychology, "from frugality to luxury, from luxury to frugality", when people are accustomed to relying on others, lose thinking, ability will degenerate.
Whatever happens, parents can help. In the case of finding dependence on anything, children are often prone to form a dependence psychology.
Now there are many "nibbling on the old people", and the emergence of "nibbling on the old people" is that it is psychologically difficult for children to "wean" with their parents, parents can't bear to "break", and children do not want to "break".
Children will always grow up one day, if parents do not "wean" psychologically with their children, then the child is likely to become a "child" who will never grow up.
A child is born with his own destiny, and parents cannot suffer for him. There are no shortcuts on the road to growth, and children must be like their parents, experiencing twists and turns in order to mature.
3
Accepting separation is the ultimate goal of love
Growth and separation are descriptions of different subjects of the same thing. For children, it is growth; for parents, it is separation.
In the process of growing up, parents should learn to let go and make adjustments to their roles. The scope of parents' roles in the growth of children is gradually reduced, and the degree of participation in children's lives is gradually reduced, only in this way can we make room for children's lives and let children learn to be independent.
It's not that the child isn't independent enough, it's that you don't let the child try to be independent. It is not only the child's physiology but also the child's psychology that needs to be grown, and many parents just ignore this. Psychological and physiological growth is a necessary process and stage, parents are only the bright light on the road to children's growth, but they cannot become the prescribors of children's lives.
Long Yingtai said in the book, "The so-called father-daughter mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back drift away in this life and this life." You stand at this end of the path, watching him fade away where the path turns, and, silently telling you with his back: No need to chase. ”
Letting go is more of a test of parental quality than caring. Many people lose their lives after becoming parents, and children become the center and focus of life, in fact, the worst influence of parents on children is to make children feel that their parents are not living well.
Although the lives of parents and children are tied together, this bondage is not lifelong. Parents withdraw from their children's lives, turn their energies to discovering the value of their lives, and can also set an example for their children in the process of self-realization.
Simply making rules and roughly restricting children may seem well-intentioned on the surface, but in fact, it is just the laziness of education. A parent who knows how to let go will slowly adjust the way he cares for his child according to his child's growth.
From the moment the child is separated from the mother, the whole process of growth is separation from the parents. The deeper the parents are involved in their children, the lower the happiness of their children, and a parent who does not know how to let go cannot raise children who have a career.
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