In the past, people always joked that marriage was the graveyard of love, but now more and more social cases seem to tell us.
The epidemic in 2020 seems to have become a fuse, and the life of being closed at home has accelerated the deterioration of couples' feelings, and also created opportunities for some men with bad intentions to commit crimes.
In just one year, we have witnessed the Hangzhou wife murder case, the Sichuan Ram case, and there have been many news of killing people and throwing corpses in other regions. On January 8, 2021, there was another shocking wife killing case in Hubei Province, and the details and methods of the crime were outrageous.
And these are just the tip of the iceberg in many cases, in many unknown corners, there are many women who are deep in the abyss, who are enduring inhuman torture, and countless women are struggling in grave marriages.
People's Daily has published a set of data showing that 30% of married women in the mainland's current 270 million families have experienced domestic violence.
In more easy-to-understand terms, on average, one woman is being abused in every 7.4 seconds. Every year, 157,000 women choose to commit suicide, of which more than 60% choose to commit suicide because of domestic violence. More than 40 percent of the women he killed were beaten to death by domestic violence.
Bring together these people who have suffered domestic violence across the country, and about every 7 steps you take, you will see a woman who is being abused. For countless perpetrators, the form of marriage protects them to a certain extent, and makes it difficult for women who are deeply involved in domestic violence to get out, but it can't help but sigh when the marriage certificate became the "death-free gold medal" of criminals.
What a cruel and realistic set of data for a country that claims to be an ancient civilization. The hubei wife killing case we are going to talk about today is a living example of the prevalence of domestic violence.
The victim, Xiaofang, came from a poor family, and although she studied exceptionally hard, she could only study at a junior college for various reasons. Although the living environment is more difficult, Xiaofang has never wanted to give up, of course, she is also like other girls, in her heart, she longs to meet a compatible partner.
However, until Xiaofang was 30 years old, she could not meet the boy she liked, so she had to meet a classmate under the pressure of her family, and only knew the man for three months to get married. This man is Yu Xiaobin, the murderer who eventually brutally killed her.
Simple Xiaofang believes that even if she and her husband do not have a vigorous love, they can live an ordinary and happy life like others.
But she did not expect that marriage brought her not romance and passion, but domestic violence again and again. Unlike those women who are accustomed to being patient, after suffering domestic violence, Xiaofang has asked the outside world for help again and again.
Her family and the police knew the fact that she had suffered domestic violence, but no one was willing to help her, but constantly persuaded her to continue to endure for the sake of her life reputation and for the sake of her young children. Xiaofang was not deceived by these rhetoric, and she understood that if she did not choose divorce, sooner or later she would be killed by her husband.
Brave Xiaofang still took the initiative to choose divorce, but she also understands that divorce is extremely difficult for women.
Therefore, in the process of each divorce, she will write a suicide note in advance, and if she can go home safely after negotiating with her husband, she will tear these suicide notes off. But she didn't expect that the time of the incident, she didn't have the opportunity to do so.
She wrote in her past suicide note that she did not need a large coffin after she died, just a small urn was enough, but she did not want the murderer to be forgiven. Although the main party responsible for the accident is Yu Xiaobin, the others who contributed to the incident are also accomplices.
Many people's self-righteous persuasion and dissuasion are actually connivance and acquiescence to domestic violence. Silence does not make the abuser repentant, it only makes them worse again and again. If everyone can't shield themselves from the wind and rain, then where in the world is there a place for this person?
We as a whole should achieve a consensus that there is zero tolerance for domestic violence. Compared with the so-called face or the external evaluation of others, the safety of one's own life is always the most important.
Moreover, for a child, just having a complete family can not make them grow up healthily, but will leave a more serious psychological shadow on the child.
Growing up in an environment of long-term domestic violence, these children often feel inferior and insecure. Violence in front of children who still know nothing about the world not only brings them fear, but also subtly tells them that they can also use violence in the future to treat their family members in the same way.
Psychologists in the United States once did the Bobby doll experiment, in which they selected 36 children from kindergarten and divided them into three groups of men and women.
One group of children watched adults violently abusing dolls, while the other two groups of children did not have similar experiences. Eventually they were taken together into a room where they could attack at will.
The findings found that those children who watched the violence were significantly more effective in attacking the dolls than the other two groups. It can be seen that the family integrity in the form can not bring any positive impact to the child, and the warm and harmonious family environment can make the child grow better.
Since modern society cannot protect women's rights and interests, and even women cannot divorce in time, female friends should be more responsible for their own lives.
We must understand that the choice of marriage is always in our own hands, and we should not choose flash marriage in order to cope with others. Before you have a clear understanding of the other person's personality, do not easily entrust it for life.
From a psychological point of view, the main purpose of these people's use of violence is to have absolute control and a sense of control in intimate relationships.
Therefore, in order to achieve their own goals, these people tend to disguise themselves for a long time and mold themselves into a cultured image. If you meet a similarly inconsistent man, women must flee in time.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205