FM103.4 "Everyday Health" program host Tong Lei invited Fang Ye, a psychological counselor and second-level psychological counselor at the Tianning District Minors Growth Guidance Center in Changzhou, to be a guest in the live broadcast room to talk about family parenting - to understand my parenting style.
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◆ Second-level psychological counselor
◆ Systematic family therapist
◆ Psychological counselor of Changzhou Tianning District Minor Growth Guidance Center
Family Parenting – Learn about my parenting style
JIATING YANGYU
Family parenting is important and we crave good ways to raise children, but there is no one in the world that works for everyone. Many parents will learn the skills of raising children and understand the psychological development of children, and today I want to start from another aspect of family parenting - parents' own parenting style, identify their own parenting style, and recognize possible parenting strengths, weaknesses and places that may need to be strengthened in the process of raising children.
Identify my parenting style
Let's start with a little test to see which parenting style you belong to: there are 4 options below that represent four different points of view, so please feel quietly, which is the one you least want?
1. Rejection and abandonment: Do not want to be rejected, want to be accepted, please others and want to have a harmonious atmosphere.
2. Stress and pain: The back is comfort, the biggest feature is escape.
3. Meaningless and worthless: Hope to be valuable and meaningful, excellent, competitive, excellent.
4. Criticism and humiliation: What is wanted is affirmation and approval, and a strong sense of control.
Corresponding options
◆ Chameleon - comprehensive, not to mention the details. Very take care of the child's life and emotions. The difference with lions and eagles is that they pay more attention to children.
◆ Lion and Eagle: Goal-oriented, efficient, focused on results, focused on things. "I'm right" obsession, let go of the obsession, let the child say what he thinks, the child will feel trusted and respected. Learning to let go is something that both types of parents do.
◆ Eagles: More is to learn to let go, to learn to trust the parents of eagles is more important; lions are more to lower requirements.
◆ Chameleons and returnees: It is very difficult to pay attention to people and refuse the request of your child. Pay attention to people's emotions and inner thoughts.
1. Pleasing type (chameleon)
Rejection and abandonment: Do not want to be rejected, want to be accepted, please others and want to have a harmonious atmosphere.
Parenting Advantages:
◆ Good temperament and patience;
◆ Respect for children;
◆ Willing to accompany, listen, and listen to children;
◆ Can give children friendliness, understanding, humility, compromise, etc., peacemakers, voluntary, defend the weak;
◆ Willing to accept the child's failure, do not want to pull out seedlings to promote growth;
◆ Easy to get along with children, willing to communicate and discuss with children, and make decisions together.
Parenting disadvantages:
◆ Parents lack majesty, the rules are not clear, and children will break the rules in their own way;
◆ The temper of the child is better, and the child is prone to lose his temper with the parents;
◆ Looking at people talking, is a different attitude towards strict people;
◆ Easy to give up;
◆ Parents have no majesty in the child;
◆ Children may feel that their parents will definitely help me to do it, and their self-reliance is relatively poor;
Going along with it and accumulating resentment (now you owe it to me) may make the child feel angry, frustrated, or want to take revenge.
strengthen:
◆ Hold family meetings;
◆ Set rules and boundaries, and learn to refuse;
◆ Enhance parental self-confidence and majesty;
◆ Believe that children can solve their problems on their own;
◆ Cultivate children's tenacious emotions;
◆ Cultivate children's time management skills;
◆ Sincerely express your emotions.
2. Cozy Type (Turtle)
Pain and stress: The back is ease, the biggest feature is escape.
◆ Creative, strategic, easy to get along with;
◆ Can let children see the benefits of easy-going, mature, predictable behavior, so that children can learn to enjoy life.
◆ In order to avoid conflict and get used to children, unable to let children know that there are restrictions and rules, children may think that they can do whatever they want, and do not need to respect the rules of any sense of social responsibility.
◆ Indulge or spoil children, and let children learn to ask for excess;
◆ Avoid problems;
◆ Children are more interested in "ease".
◆ Set up daily routines;
◆ Set goals;
◆ Solve problems together;
◆ Give children life skills;
◆ Allow children to experience the natural consequences of their choices.
3. Excellent type (lion) - action, role model
Meaningless and worthless: Hope to be valuable and meaningful, excellent, competitive, excellent.
◆ Clear goal and planning;
◆ Strong mobility, high efficiency;
◆ Enterprising, self-confidence;
◆ Bring role models to children: Teach children to learn to judge good qualities and motivate children to excel.
◆ Look at things as "right" and "wrong", and see no other possibilities;
◆ Less attention to children's emotions, lack of respect;
◆ Weak in frustration and unwilling to accept their own failures;
◆ Expectations of children are too high, so that children feel powerless, children may be frustrated;
◆ Do it yourself, do too much for your children to do what they should do;
◆ Commonly used preaching methods.
◆ Reduce requirements, pay attention to children's emotions and their own emotions;
◆ Don't be too anxious, the speed of adults is not necessarily the speed of children, give children space;
◆ Respect the child's wishes, the child has his own ideas;
◆ Accept the child's failure;
◆ Give up your need for "correctness";
◆ Jointly set goals;
◆ Believe in your own children, give your children enough trust and let go.
4, the control type (eagle) - the right to speak, according to their own requirements to achieve.
Humiliation and criticism: What is wanted is affirmation and approval, with a strong sense of control.
◆ Parents are efficient, have clear goals, persistent, tenacious, have a strong sense of the overall situation, and can give their children organizational skills, leadership skills, decisiveness, respect for rules and laws, etc.;
◆ In the process of raising children, everything is detailed and comprehensive, including all aspects of life and learning;
◆ Strong concept of time, teach children the skills of reasonable time arrangement;
◆ Pay attention to cultivating children's tenacious character;
◆ Can communicate directly with children, frankly;
◆ Rules will be formulated from the perspective of parents, and fairness will be made in this rule;
◆ More majestic in front of children.
◆ Overly imposing one's own views on children;
Anxiety and insecurity;
◆ Perfectionism, there will be pickiness;
◆ The child's autonomy may not be enough;
◆ Rigidity and control may cause children to rebel and resist; they may also make children become "pleasers".
◆ Let go and give your child choices;
◆ Empathetic thinking, listen to the voice of the child;
◆ Decide with your child;
◆ Lower the requirements;
◆ Allow challenges;
◆ Respect the child, trust the child.
Healthy every day
Monday to Friday 14:00-15:00
Anchor: Tong Lei
FM103.4 Changzhou News Comprehensive Broadcast