Author: Creative Group Shinoda
As a mom, what are the three most important things you can do for your child, have you ever thought about it?
Is it to give them the best education, to create the best conditions for them, or to teach them the skills of the more the better? Not long ago, Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, raised this question when he talked to Hao Jingfang, the winner of the World Science Fiction Hugo Award.
In this regard, Teacher Hao Jingfang almost did not hesitate, and said her answer - trust, support and companionship.
In her view, these three things are the most core elements that make a child have self-motivation, constantly be positive and brave against setbacks. They are the best gifts for children growing up.
Trust: The child's confidence and armor when he walks in the world
I have seen such a news. A 12-year-old girl in Shijiazhuang kindly picked up her fallen aunt on the road, but was mistaken by the other party as a bumper and asked her to pay medical expenses. The girl tried to explain, but even her mother did not believe her, and even believed that she was lying, and beat her up for this.
Although the surveillance video after the fact proved the child's "innocence", the shadow remained. How hurt to be wronged by their most dependent and closest parents! Professor Li Meijin once pointed out: "An important reason why many children do not tell their parents the truth is that parents do not trust their children, and there are too many accusations. ”
So, what exactly is trust? That means that parents sincerely believe that their children, no matter what problems they encounter, are on the side of their children, and firmly believe that they have the ability to become a good person.
Previously, the "Survey Report on the Current Situation of Learning and Life expectations of Primary and Secondary School Students in China" released by the China Youth Research Center showed that among the 10 practices that primary and secondary school students liked their parents the most, the first place was "trust me", with a proportion of 63.5%.
For children, this trust will continue to empower them, so that they can be more confident and more secure, so that they can face the world more bravely and fearlessly.
In the movie "Bottom Hot Girl", the young girl Sayega was once a typical scum. She was stubborn and rebellious, smoking, fighting, playing, dressing up, and didn't care if her grades fell to the bottom of the grade.
At that time, almost everyone had abandoned her, and many teachers concluded that she could not go to any university. Only Sayaga's mother has always spared no effort to support her daughter.
She said: "No matter what the people around me say, even if I am the enemy of the whole world, I will definitely be on your side." She said, "Even if the whole world doesn't believe you, I do!" She added: "It doesn't matter how you choose. ”
She saw Sayaga's potential, effort and determination and gave her unconditional trust. It was her mother who made Saya feel more confident in her studies. She began to work hard, tried her best to review, and finally really counterattacked and was admitted to the famous Keio University.
A study by Kobe University in Japan showed that "parents are highly concerned about and trusting their children, willing to spend a lot of time on their children, and their children grow up to be happier and have better living conditions and incomes." ”
The trust from parents is the most powerful backing for children to walk in the world, and will eventually give us unlimited surprises.
As the British educator Herbert Spencer said, "When a child feels loved and trusted, miracles will soon appear before your eyes." ”
Support: The biggest source of motivation for children to bravely move forward
Recently, the genius beauty girl Gu Ailing turned out to be a new idol for the whole people. The most promising star of hope in China's ski industry is definitely a legendary presence.
She is not only extremely talented and accomplished in skiing, but also versatile, with a knack for athletics, soccer, basketball, equestrianism, surfing, rock climbing, ballet, piano and more. In addition, she was also a proper academic bully, and was admitted to Stanford University with a SAT score of 1580 out of 1600.
Good strength, outstanding appearance, coupled with a sunny and cheerful good personality, so that Gu Ailing circle countless fans. Many people have fallen in love with this girl with unlimited positive energy.
After understanding her family education, it is not difficult to find that a very important factor in her success is the support of her mother Gu Yan. Take the freestyle ski women's big jump final. When the second jump was over, Gu Ailing's performance was still in third place for the time being. At that time, Gu Yan suggested on the phone that she play a slightly less difficult move and keep a silver medal. But she insisted on pushing the limits and trying a difficult move that she had never been on before. In this regard, Gu Yan did not force her daughter to listen to herself, but showed full respect: "The choice is your own, this is your game, you can enjoy it." In the end, Gu Ailing successfully completed the last jump, counterattacked successfully, and successfully won the gold medal!
In fact, from childhood to adulthood, at every important point in Gu Ailing's life, Gu Yan has pushed her forward with support and encouragement.
And this is also vividly reflected in Bill Gates' mother, Mary. When Bill decided to drop out of Harvard to start a business, she was adamantly supportive of her son and borrowed money to help him start a business. In the face of others' doubts, she did not hesitate to go back: "This time I use my own achievements and personality as the best guarantee for my beloved son." ”
The support of parents is like a booster on the road of children's lives, giving a steady stream of motivation and energy, helping children overcome one challenge after another, and finally bravely running to a wider distance.
Companionship: Give your child the warmest undertone for life
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: "In infancy, love and companionship are far more important than education, and a healthy, harmonious and intimate parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of a child's personality and the content of personality." ”
Most psychologists, including Freud and Adler, believe that the parent-child relationship in childhood, especially the attachment relationship with the mother, is very critical and will affect their lifelong development.
Children who lack the companionship and love of their parents are bound to have a negative impact on their bodies and minds.
Of course, the so-called "accompaniment" is not just about accompanying. It should be more of a flow of love, a collision of hearts, and a high-quality connection between parents and children. Some time ago, a cute little girl was all over the Internet. She is the "takeaway baby" Fei'er. After Phil was born, in order to take better care of her, her father decided to take her to deliver takeaways. Since 6 months, she has been sitting in her father's takeaway box to deliver food. Every day, Dad was holding the takeaway in one hand and holding her in the other, running through the streets, rain or shine. Although life is hard, Phil's parents give her the best love and have achieved maximum companionship within their own capabilities.
Now, Phil is three years old, and has become a sunny and sensible little girl, and her smile is always incomparably bright.
In the young heart of a child, as long as the parents are around and the family is neatly together, it is the greatest happiness.
It is worth mentioning that the true meaning of companionship is not to leave the child 24 hours a day, all the time. The most important thing is to devote yourself to the limited parent-child time and give the child all the attention and interaction.
American parenting expert Michele Borba once pointed out that in a day, there are three most efficient prime time for parent-child companionship, namely getting up in the morning before going out, coming home from work to before dinner, and after dinner to before going to bed. It is these fragments of time that are fully utilized that are finally integrated into the child's life and become the most beautiful memories of childhood.
Love and companionship are always the warmest background colors at the beginning of life, setting the tone for a child's healing life.
New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.