Why is it that the more sensible the child, the more likely it is to suffer and be depressed?
When a child who was originally sensible and well-behaved, his eyes began to flutter, his words and deeds began to hesitate and stagnate, his grades began to rise and fall, as soon as he had free time, he would look out of the window lonely, and as soon as he had grievances, the tears would fall down in a big way. Then in this child's heart, most of them have accumulated negative emotions like a vast ocean.
Whether he or her life has changed depends on whether we, as parents, can see the child's childish and simple heart through the child's sensitive and extreme, impulsive and reckless performance, and choose therefore:
Understand, recognize and believe.
01
Many parents will be relieved that their children know how to understand and take care of others when they are young, and that they are sweethearted and follow the rules.
But in fact, children should be carefree at an age, but they are thinking and speculating on the views and opinions of adults all the time, and even by suppressing their own emotional needs and hobbies to cover up and whitewash their inner true feelings.
In any case, this is not a rational and proper education.
If a child receives a home education that makes him feel:
As long as you behave sensibly and are willing to cater to the wishes of others, others will feel happy and friendly;
As long as you suppress disgust, irritability and anger, you can be liked and recognized by people you don't know;
As long as the part of one's own heart that belongs to the self is buried deeper, it is the so-called maturity and growth.
I think that's ridiculous.
As an independent individual, everyone should enjoy his own preferences and dislikes, the space to think, and the future vision. All this can be gradually corrected through the influence of parents, teachers and society, but it should never be, like "cramming", to let a child accept the imitation of adults' words and deeds and thinking habits.
02
It is certainly the luck of parents and families to be able to cultivate a well-behaved and well-achieved child.
However, if parents are accustomed to imposing their unfulfilled ideas, wills, and ideals of life on their children, although they provide him with no worries about food, clothing, and material abundance, they must imprint their own principles, ideas, and habits on many affairs of their studies, careers, and families, and never give their children real and complete freedom.
Then even if such a child grows up and becomes the parent of another child, I am afraid that in the depths of his heart, there will always be deep grievances, hurts and pain.
Some people say, "The more sensible and well-behaved children are, the easier it is to be depressed."
This is to be said on two levels:
The first layer is that some children do not understand the meaning of dealing with the world and studying hard, but because of the persecution of parents and teachers, he has to read with other children from morning to night, and there is little time to play and rest, and the children are of course miserable.
The second layer is that some children have learned to respect, understand and empathize with the feelings of others through reading, understanding and education, so they show sensible and well-behaved external words and deeds from the heart, so that children are naturally not prone to depression.
Of course, in real life, the first kind of child can be seen everywhere, and the second kind of child can be described as a rarity.
So when some children "don't even know where the arrow target is", cloaked in a mature and sensible shell, "eating food that they don't want to eat, saying things they don't want to say, and doing things they don't want to do", parents who are complacent about it are really stupid.
03
This reminds me of the 13-year-old girl in Luzhou, Sichuan Province, who is known as a "well-behaved girl."
Quiet personality, excellent grades, sensible and well-behaved, is simply an impeccable "other people's child". But it was such a child who, after returning to school on a Sunday afternoon, found an excuse to run out of school and ended his life by the nearby river.
"It feels like a learning machine, starting to work as soon as there's power and not making the slightest mistake."
Obviously, this outwardly well-behaved and immature adolescent girl did not deeply understand the practical significance of reading and learning under the guidance and supervision of her family and school, and was widely exposed to interests and hobbies other than exams.
She is just a second-year girl, although she looks sober and calm, sensible and well-behaved, but it does not mean that she will have no waves in her inner emotional feelings in her boring study day after day.
However, the children's academic performance and personality emotions can be seen through by parents at a glance, and for the various tasks and many requirements arranged by parents and teachers, whether the children are satisfied or reluctant.
This will test the wisdom of parents and the acting skills of children.
04
For a kind and sensible child, learning, living and socializing are all exhausting.
If you want to sleep more in the morning, you must consider the strange and playful eyes of teachers and classmates when you enter the classroom alone;
At noon, there is no appetite, seeing the mother cooking with a sweaty head, she can only force herself to swallow hard;
At night, I wanted to play a game, but I was interrupted by my parents' loud rebuke, and I endured the tears and grievances of the night.
Therefore, the so-called sensible, kind, well-behaved and excellent actually means patience and grievance day after day.
Those "bear children" can live without heart and lungs, selfish and mischievous and willful, only the "good students" in the eyes of parents and teachers can never laugh easily and happily by their own nature, cry freely, take care of others, but also have to bear pain, have to suppress all grievances, loneliness and kindness, all suppressed in the depths of the heart, understand things to make people feel painful.
"I want to love the world, but I really don't know how to love."
This is the lyrics of Brilliance Chenyu, the voice of many depressed patients, and the true feelings of some children who have lost themselves in order to cater to adults and please their parents.
For those children who have not yet understood the meaning of life, but have to pretend to be sensible and well-behaved:
Whether parents can understand, recognize and believe, and whether education can achieve understanding, empathy and warmth, is the key to whether they can get rid of bad emotions, far from the heart.
In short, the more sensible the child, the more tolerant the parents should be, and do not let the adult's unavoidable demand become an emotional burden that crushes the child.