Reluctant to use the child, what is given to the child is not love and freedom, but a poisoned arrow that destroys the child invisibly.
Author | Maple During the holidays, my daughter was at home, and I have been deliberately "calling" her to do all kinds of housework.
Just yesterday, after my daughter finished mopping the floor, she asked me with a dissatisfied face:
"Mom, can you please stop calling me?"
"Washing dishes, cooking, washing dishes, entertaining guests, cleaning up, not one is left behind, but I am still a student!"
I told her, "Let you learn to do housework for your own good," but my daughter was not reconciled and continued to ask:
"Then why don't other people's children have to do anything, just study well?"
My daughter's complaint caused me to think deeply.
Pity for children, not willing to use children, is the misunderstanding of many parents' love.
But in fact, housework education is the initial education of a child's ability to survive.
Housework is part of life and part of learning.
A child, only under the kitchen, soak in the study, can be independent, have responsibility, then no matter where he goes in the future, it will not be too bad.
On the contrary, reluctance to use children is the deepest hidden "killing" for children.
When I was a child, I didn't learn to be independent
When you grow up, you can't stand on your own
This year's Spring Festival, neighbor Aunt Li is not having a good time, and her body and spirit are suffering from double pain.
A month ago, Aunt Li accidentally fell out of a chair while sweeping the ceiling, and her left leg was broken.
But the biological son is a look of not caring about himself.
Uncle Li was a little angry and called his son to come back to accompany Aunt Li, but the son asked: "You call ten thousand first, I have no money to spend." ”
Over the years, although my son has worked, he has been living a mixed life, and the salary he earns cannot support himself at all, and he takes money from the family at both ends of three days.
Uncle Li and Aunt Li are more than 50 years old, and they have to find odd jobs everywhere to supplement their sons.
In fact, the child's hands are all a little bit wasted, and the child's shamelessness is all kinds of accommodation and coddling.
Aunt Li's family obviously had general conditions, but they were never willing to let their son suffer a little and be tired.
When he lived in high school, he asked his son to bring back the week's clothes and socks to wash;
The son was not admitted to college, and the family smashed the pot and sold iron to spend money to buy school;
Unable to find a job, the family cobbled together money to go through the back door.
As a result, the son who has worked so hard to raise is not only not a talent or an adult, but has become a "parasite" who relies on his parents for everything.
Parents who do not teach their children to be independent seem to be for the good of their children, but they are actually the most cruel.
In Hunan, there is a giant baby who has been eaten for 24 years, her name is Xiong Li.
Because she is the youngest daughter in the family, she has been loved and cared for by her parents since she was a child.
When she was in junior high school, she felt that reading was too hard, and she refused to read anymore after finishing the third year of junior high school.
Without a diploma, she had to go to work, but before long, she couldn't do it for fear of suffering, and after that, she stayed at home and lived a leisurely life.
As an adult, she is more obsessed with marrying a good man and continuing to live a carefree life. As a result, she has experienced three marriages, all of which ended in divorce.
For 24 years, she has been playing with her mobile phone and watching TV every day, not even sweeping and mopping the floor, and relying on her mother's 1400 yuan pension every month to support her life.
Today, her mother is 94 years old, her health is not good, and she is no longer able to take care of Xiong Li.
But at the age of 52, she is not only out of touch with society, but also has no ability to be independent and earn a living, and in the days to come, she does not know how to live.
Sometimes, parents give their children a childhood that is too comfortable and smooth, in fact, they are burying a pit for the child's future life path.
As the saying goes:
"Parents who never teach their children independence are the most ignorant and cruel, they are like eagles who don't teach kittens to fly, but when they become adults, they can't help but push it off a cliff."
There is no ability that does not have to be learned, and no skill is innate.
Parents are reluctant to "summon" their children, are reluctant to train their children, and their children will not be able to withstand the storms of life when they grow up.
Learn the giants, the dwarfs of life
Destined to go not far
Sometimes, my daughter would complain that I was too her.
My idea is to let the child start with the simplest family chores and know how to participate and give.
Because if a child cannot solve the problems of life and does not know how to take responsibility for his own behavior, even if he is excellent in his studies, he is doomed to fail the "social" barrier.
There is a popular word on the Internet called "squatters", which refers to a type of person who has a college education, comes from a middle-class family, and after graduation, lives a secluded life of eating, sleeping and playing games.
Among them, there is a squatting friend @ XiLingzi experience makes people sigh.
She has been a child of someone else since she was a child, with excellent grades, and graduated from 985 University.
Just when her family thought she could have a good future, she resigned three times in half a year, and then she became a squatter at home, which was two years.
Since childhood, her parents have told her: "You can concentrate on reading, and you don't have to take care of anything else." ”
At home, she stretched out her hands to open her mouth, as long as it was not related to learning, her parents would not let her do it.
At school, whether it is a disaster or an argument with a classmate, her parents will help her deal with it at the first time.
During the holidays, her classmates either hiked or participated in summer camps, and had a rich life experience, and she had to stay at home to study.
As her parents wished, she scored 100 points, but she did not pass at all.
After work, she is not good at socializing, wants to escape when things happen, and has no ability to cope with the open and secret struggles between colleagues.
She also had a glass heart, and with a word from someone else, she tangled for half a day. The leader criticized her for several days.
No matter how much you read, you can't escape the tragedy caused by "high scores and low energy".
And such tragedies are not unique.
Yu Fang, a college student in Harbin, felt like a waste because he could not take care of his own housework, fell into deep self-doubt, and eventually became depressed and even committed suicide.
Wen Yuan, a college student in Zhengzhou, was ordered to suspend her school because her self-care ability was too poor and she had many grades.
Qi Ke, a high-achieving student at Tsinghua University, is excellent in learning, but is an "idiot" in life, and has been unemployed at home shortly after graduation, and even he cannot support himself.
Wei Yongkang, who was admitted to a key university at the age of 13 and a master's and doctoral student of the Chinese Academy of Sciences at the age of 17, was dissuaded by the Chinese Academy of Sciences because of his lack of common sense of life and his inability to take care of his own life.
……
The book "Special Heart, Special Love" says:
"It is difficult for children to take root in society, and we can't blame the cruelty of social competition."
Think about it, do you have the skills and qualities that ignite the depths of your child's life with the hands that push the cradle? ”
Every child will eventually go out of school and into society, and social ability is the ultimate criterion for assessing children.
If a child grows up in a single environment and only studies, has not done a little work, suffered a little, and experienced a little hardship, how can he survive in a complex social environment?
The essence of education
It is to prepare your child for independent life
Sarah once told such a story in the book "Special Heart, Special Love":
There was a well-known Jewish merchant in the town who had many cars under his name, but he never picked up his son from elementary school.
Whether it's windy or rainy, he lets his children take the bus to and from school by themselves.
Once, when his son wanted a pair of sneakers he had longed for, he suggested that his son wash the dishes once a night or exchange them for other labor.
"Nothing for nothing" has always been the concept that Jews have instilled in their children from an early age.
They take the cultivation of children's pioneering spirit and the ability to become self-reliant people as the starting point, igniting the skills and qualities in the depths of children's lives.
Influenced by Jewish education, Salad also gave up the previous nanny-style parenting, allowing children to start with housework and learn to be self-responsible.
She specially designed the duty schedule, and made a list of various household chores such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, and tidying up the room, so that the three children could divide their work and cooperate.
In addition, she also implemented a "paid plan" in which she asked her children to help her make and sell spring rolls to earn pocket money.
In the beginning, the eldest son chose to help make spring rolls at home because of his introverted personality.
But seeing that his brother's spring rolls sold well and earned more, he tried to sell spring rolls as well. After several attempts, the eldest son found his own way.
Borrowing a gimmick to taste spring rolls for free, he gave a lecture on "Take You into China" at the school, provided that he needed to buy an admission ticket.
Because of his extroverted nature, the second son went directly to the market to sell, and later also wholesaled the spring rolls to the school restaurant, making a small profit and making a profit.
Although the younger daughter is less than 4 years old, she is also happy to help her mother pluck the spring roll skin.
In this way, salad through the "use" of children, a good exercise of children's communication skills, communication skills and survival ability, but also cultivate children's sense of time, wealth, responsibility.
In the end, Salad's three children grew up to be excellent, two sons who were good at business, and had hundreds of millions of assets before the age of 30, and her daughter became excellent diplomats.
The thinker Judby once said:
"The child's affairs let him solve it by himself, if the parents take too much care, it will make the child lose self-confidence, and it is impossible to have outstanding achievements."
Parents love their children, we must start from the foresight, and learn to survive independently as the most valuable gift to the children.
Because education, not only in the present, but also in the future.
At any time, it is the most important thing to teach children the ability to adapt to society.
And these abilities, which schools don't teach, don't have in textbooks, are in life, in homeschooling.
Dr. Tu Yun, an education expert, has a very good passage:
"Loving children is different from loving other cherished objects or pets, and cherished objects or pets should be kept around and cherished.
But to love children is to one day let them leave us and to be ready for their departure. ”
As parents, we cannot adapt to society for our children, nor can we accompany our children for a lifetime.
Therefore, only by "using" the child more and letting him practice his skills can the child cut through the thorns on the runway of life, live happily, and walk smoothly.
Let the child try, experience, and exercise!
Raising a child who adapts to society is the ultimate mission of parenthood.
Click "Like" and encourage all parents.