Someone has been asking me before:
You have read so many parenting books, written so many parenting articles, your children must be very well educated, personality nice, excellent grades, right?
If you take the easy-going personality and good or bad grades as the criteria for evaluating the quality of your child's education, then I can only say, sorry to disappoint you.
The day before yesterday I complained that a DD with a big tailed wolf for 2 years began to show its fox tail.
Everyone can probably know that my two children's personality is definitely not easy-going; although the results are not bad at present, they are definitely not school overlords.
But that doesn't affect cc and DD in my eyes, still good kids.
Although they are not currently at the top of their studies, they can focus on studying things they like for a long time.
When encountering injustice, even if they are facing adults, they can bravely say no and put forward their own ideas.
Most importantly, they can express themselves without any worries in front of their parents, and they can't hide their little secrets. Happy, aggrieved, sad, can be unabashedly displayed in front of us.
These are the qualities that I think are more important than learning, but this is also the slow exploration of C Mama step by step.
Although parenting does not have uniform standards, children are a mirror for parents and can reflect the gains and losses of parental education.
If your child has these signs before elementary school, it means that you have raised your child well, and he will most likely have a stretched life.
01
Can play independently
If your child can have a lot of fun playing alone, please don't disturb him easily.
Because he is exercising a very important ability.
Many mothers have asked me, "Why is it that our children, like the magic barrier, always ask for a mobile phone to see (find someone to play with him), and if they don't watch it for a while (no one to accompany), they will not fall." ”
I usually ask, can children usually play by themselves? Play more on your own?
Japanese writer Nobori Kuma Nakado once said that any growth node and a deep understanding of life must go through solitude and introspection to reach it.
Playing independently is really too important for a child's development, and only if the child can enjoy a person's time can he concentrate and stay focused to do a good job.
It is only in the process of playing by yourself that you will be inspired to think alone. Imagination and creativity will be exercised and improved.
"Independent thinking, and the ability to complete tasks independently" and so on and
Not only that, but this ability is also very important for parents, and who doesn't want to have a child who can play independently.
If your child is still young, then pay attention not to deprive the child of the ability to play independently in the early stages, and when the child plays quietly by himself, do not easily disturb him, and do not have to be accompanied all the time.
Growth also needs to be left blank, and children can only burst out of their own vitality in the blank space of life.
Don't think how pitiful it is for the child to stay by himself, and others are beautiful.
But if your child has grown up and hardly plays alone, it doesn't matter, any ability to develop, as long as it starts is not too late.
Specific methods, we will not say more, do not know the archaeology of this article "sticky, no independent play ability of children, how difficult will it be when they grow up?" 》。
02
Dare to refuse, dare to express their own ideas
Around the age of 2, the child's self-consciousness awakens and begins to declare his sovereignty to the world with "no".
Subsequently, the right of the child to refuse is deprived little by little by the greater authority, and when he is a child, he is a parent, and when he grows up, he may be a teacher, a superior, a society, or something else.
I'm not afraid of your jokes, I often eat at the children's.
CC: "(Bath) Water is so hot!" ”
Me: "What's hot?" It's not hot at all, so go ahead. ”
CC: "Everyone feels differently!" You think it's not hot, but I just think it's hot! I don't want to enter! ”
I was troublesome and irritable: "Okay! Come on! I'll add another basin of cold water to you! ”
Me: "You eat some more, there is not much for you, and you still have half a bowl left." ”
CC: "I eat a lot at noon, I can't eat at night, the amount of food every person eats is different, I can't eat anymore." ”
I was originally angry and anxious: "Okay, all right, don't eat and pull down, let's go you." ”
Although I was frustrated, I was often angry and exploded in place, and my tone was often not very good. But the truth is that when the child's refusal is justified and very straightforward, even as an adult, there is not much face to continue to be tough.
We adults often "make mistakes", or say that what we do is "not so right", even in the name of "good for children", we often have a bad grasp of the measure, forced and coerced. Especially when the idea deviates from expectations, it will also stimulate our desire for control, unconscious persuasion and even compulsion.
However, only when the family has the ability to reject parents and express their true thoughts, will they have the courage to reject others and assert their own ideas outside.
A person who dares to refuse is definitely a person who is firm in heart and does not follow the tide; a person who dares to express his own ideas must also be a free and rich person at heart.
Such a life, do not have to think about it to know how cool.
03
In front of you the child wants to cry and cry
I have a friend who has a particularly "sensible" boss, because she is an older sister, who always lets her brother and does her best to help her mother share the hard work of taking care of her brother.
I remember once going to her house as a guest, she was deliberately tripped by her brother, obviously very painful, one second the tears were still swirling in her eyes, and the next second after seeing her mother come out of the kitchen, she immediately stood up and said, "Mom, my brother tripped me, I didn't cry."
"Oh, you're so strong, stronger than your brother!"
Obviously, she is not big, and she also needs her mother's company and attention, but she suppresses her own needs and exchanges her understanding for her mother's praise.
This incident touched me a lot, and also made me always wake up to myself when raising CC and DD.
When a child is wronged, he cries and feels unfair and makes unreasonable trouble; if he can't ask for it, he will throw himself around; if he fails to challenge, he will be angry and corrupt, which is normal!
But a lot of times, we can't stand our children crying.
Or cry and can't help but "comfort":
"Don't cry, you're the bravest"
"It's okay, there's nothing to cry about"
Either you will be annoyed when you cry, and irritability will prevail over reason:
"Just know to cry"
"Don't cry, I'll be angry if I cry again"
Children are the most perceptive, and if the consequences of each cry are exchanged for their mother's indifference, irritability, and anger, they will soon learn to cater to their parents' self-repression.
Children who are particularly sensible, who are wronged and do not cry or make trouble, are definitely not because of reason.
The lions in the zoo can be trained to jump the ring of fire, how difficult can it be for children to learn to cry?
But this is not the original intention of our parenting, we like children to be brave and strong, but it is not at the expense of the child's own identity and happiness.
Children will eventually experience suffering and grow up, but it must also be from the inside out, identifying with their own emotions and growing.
I want my children, no matter how old, at least at home, in front of us, to not have to hide their emotions, cry when they want to cry, laugh when they want to laugh.
The first few years of a child's life are a critical period for character development, behavioral norms, and habit formation, and are also most influenced by the family.
The parenting model of parents has a great role in shaping children's personality and behavior habits.
After primary school, the influence of parents gradually decreased, the influence of peers and the environment slowly increased, and personality and many behavioral habits were formed, not that they could not be changed, but it would be more difficult to change again.
Therefore, it is still necessary to seize the critical period at the beginning of parenting, to cultivate, to demonstrate, to guide, to help children become better.
Every child is different, it is impossible to have the same parenting model to copy, but excellent children are similar, must be confident, kind, accept themselves and accept others, can be into the hilarity, tolerate loneliness, can continue to learn people.
Under the loving education of parents, children will definitely have a brighter future.
Source: CC Parents "(ID: cc-bama) CC Parents: Promoter of the "Chinese Parents Learning Program", C Dad - Master of China Medical University, Doctor of the Top 3 Hospitals; C Mom - Editor-in-Chief of Parenting of Newspaper, Author of "Parents Have a Good Temper and a Good Education". Raise CC &DD two sisters and brothers, lead more parents to join the scientific parenting team, take fewer detours together, and be "Good Parents of China"!