"People outside the city want to come in, people in the city want to go out. This is true of marriage, career, and life. ”
01
There is a saying that "there is nothing new under the sun, and where in the world there is no siege of the city", the philosophy of the siege reflects the corners and corners of life. Some people "jump repeatedly" in the workplace; some people enter the palace of marriage but find that marriage is not what they want; some people step into a new field of study with expectations, but find that they are not suitable and give up halfway in disappointment.
In essence, the "siege" can be seen as a sense of gap caused by the gap between ideal and reality. Because I was full of expectations, I wanted to go in, and because I was disappointed, I wanted to escape.
Summarizing the story of Fang Hongwei in the book, it is mainly trapped in two "sieges", one is career and the other is feelings.
02
Fang Hongwei's experience in his career can be regarded as a typical example of "high open and low walk".
Fang Hongwei in the siege of the "TV series"
As an overseas student of that era, Fang Hongzhi enjoyed excellent resources, but he did not seize this opportunity. Everyday life is "casually listening to a few homework, having a wide range of interests, having no experience, and living a particularly lazy life." "Mixed up to the end, just paid for a Pheasant University PhD.
Returning to China coincided with the chaos of war, the work was difficult to find, and I was not willing to send people to the fence, with ambition, hoping to show my skills in teaching at the university.
Because of his lack of academic qualifications and his own ability, and insufficient social experience, he was secretly calculated, not only failed to be rated as a professor, but also dismissed. After several turns, he returned to Shanghai, and finally held only a fictitious position in the newspaper.
"The ideal return to China after studying abroad is like the water on the ground, which rises into the sky and turns into rain, drenching him thoroughly."
Before entering the society, he was ambitious and ambitious. Like many people who have experienced college life, the time in the ivory tower is carefree, and he seems to have unlimited time and a bright future, and what he lacks is a sense of crisis in the future.
As the saying goes, "School is a small society, society is a big school". Leaving the ivory tower and entering society is not the end of the quest for knowledge, but the beginning of another stage of learning. From students studying in school to people who have established themselves in society, it is inevitable to experience this hurdle.
03
Emotionally, Fang Hongzhi's experience is even more twists and turns. After missing Miss Su and Miss Tang because of their weak personality that does not understand rejection, Fang Hong gradually meets Miss Sun, who is also teaching at school.
Fang Hongwei and Miss Sun
Before getting married, Miss Sun always appeared in front of Fang Hongwei's eyes as a cute image of a poor little girl. Miss Sun knows how to show weakness, which gives birth to Fang Hong's desire to protect her. But this is just a small means for Miss Sun to win Fang Hong's gradual affection.
Although Fang Hongwei is a doctor who has stayed in the Ocean, he is still emotionally simple. As the saying goes, "a woman chases a man, a layer of yarn", and soon, the two are confused and married. But then came trivia and quarrels. Finally, Fang Hongwei, who once also had a beautiful fantasy about love, admitted a fact.
"Honestly, no matter who you marry, after you get married, you always find that you are not marrying the original person, and you have changed to another one." 」
Schopenhauer once said, "Half of life is the pain of disappointment, and half of it is the pain of boredom." "This is vividly reflected in marriage.
Psychologists believe that after falling in love, people will always idealize their partners, amplify their strengths, but turn a blind eye to them. And after entering the marriage hall, as the beautification part fades, the shortcomings that were previously ignored will slowly emerge. In addition, people tend to underestimate the trivialities that come with marriage. And this is the reason for the psychological gap.
04
Mixing a similar education, finding a subsistence job, finally finding a person who is not annoying and getting married in a vacuum, and then dealing with the repetitive trivia but this life... Everyone had more or less hoped for themselves, but in the end, they suddenly looked back and found that many people had Fang Hongwei's shadow on them.
There are probably two reasons why we feel that an event does not meet expectations, and that we are disappointed and bored.
One is that the freshness disappears after the desired thing is in hand.
For example, I want a smart speaker that can be controlled by moving my mouth, I want an iPad to "increase productivity", and I want a breakfast machine that improves nutrition. Before buying it, I thought about it, and when I got it, I found that "it's just that way". After a few uses, it turned into a table ornament, a large player and a kitchen atmosphere group. After the freshness, it is easy to fall into the end of "eating ashes".
The second is the unexpected trouble caused by this matter.
For example, many people set a small goal at the beginning of the new year, such as weight loss and fitness, learning photography, cooking and so on. Looking forward to having a good body or a new craft.
But to achieve significant results, it takes a long time. Weight loss requires both a reasonable adjustment of diet and a variety of fat loss exercises. Photography also pays attention to how to compose the picture, how to adjust the aperture shutter... Everywhere is a depth of learning that we have never imagined. These troubles make our efforts in the short term without feedback, and it is easy to be disappointed and lose patience.
From small trivia to career life, simple summary, the problem is always to think things too well, or too simple.
05
It may be difficult to change the objective status quo, but adjusting our subjective expectations is relatively easier and worth a try.
It is a very meaningful thing to have a normal heart, face up to reality, and treat your expectations rationally. There is a view that advocates that we should reconcile with our "ordinary selves." Perfect things, perfect people only exist in imagination, to learn to accept the things around them, but also to learn to accept themselves. The more demanding the requirements, the greater the degree of disappointment, but it sets limits on their own lives. After all, most people have worked hard all their lives and are just ordinary people. But ordinary does not mean mediocrity, we can also create our own value.
To avoid being trapped in a siege and breaking through the siege, you need a long-term, developmental vision, exert subjective initiative, and learn to face your own needs before taking action, understand what you really want; consider the problems you may need to face in the future after action. It's like a good chess player can see the next ten moves after a move. Let the bright future become the driving force for the current action, and the ordinary life can also shine.
Rationally treat the expectations of life, throw away the glasses of perfectionism, and our eyes may see through the high walls of the siege city to see a better rainbow that belongs to life.